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  #31  
Old 29th May 2020, 10:22
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Yes, both verbally and physically, though it was rarely really bad. Mostly because I was perceived as being a "square" at my mixed comprehensive.
Later, at the private school sixth form I went to, it was verbal bullying, but I was probably the least popular pupil in the entire year. It was an awful time and I never fitted in. Of course, back then I didn't know about the Asperger's.
However, the difference between most of the accounts above and my own experiences is that I am STILL bullied - as an adult by other adults - for the way I look. This has gone on since I can remember and has never changed. And I doubt it ever will.
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  #32  
Old 29th May 2020, 10:41
imperfect_perfectionist imperfect_perfectionist is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jwalk
I think underlying self esteem has a lot to do with how you take bullying and whether or not it builds "character".

I got bullied a lot in primary school mainly for my eccentricities and dislike of football. It didn't bother me at all because I thought I was fantastic and I just assumed that they were stupid or mistaken. In this case I guess it was sort of character building.

When I was in secondary school I was bullied mainly for my appearance and shyness, which hurt more as I was deeply insecure about myself at the time. In this case bullying was like pouring petrol on the fires of my own insecurities.

Post secondary school (sixth form, university, early twenties) I was rarely bullied, but I interpreted any kind of teasing or criticism as bullying, or attempts to humiliate me. Now I'm 35 and I continue to have trust and intimacy issues. I've never been in a serious relationship, or had close friends after the age of about 12.


One thing I've never had to endure is "physical bullying" (or assault, as I prefer to call it), I think because I was fortunate enough to be much larger than other boys my age. So for that reason I wouldn't say that I was bullied the worst in school. I knew a few boys who were very small and were thrown around like rag dolls for years of their lives.
Interesting, why did you take the bullying in High School differently. I know, in my case, certain bullying has became more painful because of the type of environment I grew up in. I think it's partially why I feel a bit hesitant to visit my family though I want to visit them.

It was like it was bad to not be street smart and special needs were ignored or seen as wrong. I remember visiting some family in USA, apparently the hyperactive child had ADHD or something, but the mum who is a nurse disagreed. I can understand not wanting to put the kid on meds, I still don't want to take meds, but maybe the diagnosis was right. Anyways he spent his young years going School in Nigeria. He's around 20 now, idk how he is doing but do know he did American Football in High School.

As for me, as a child I had a pencil grip as I held the pencil wrong, now I have good handwriting but that comes from practice. Also had a special needs reading class. I also remember going to a Special needs school tour, a church friend telling my mum that I was probably autistic. I was bullied in my first school and it wasn't dealt with. My mum moved me to another school and there was no support but I didn't feel I needed any just tried to fit in. Was quiet though, just like at church kids class. Maybe the places I had the expectation to be normal made me selectively mute? If there was more intervention for my special needs in a supportive way, social anxiety might not even be a major problem for me. I see quite a few people who seem open about their learning disabilities more able to cope with life. The sixth form I had a terrible experience in, I was just watching videos of the Arts students from the years I went there and it seems some students had special needs but probably got more help than me. Off topic, but throughout School I was asked by teachers "Why are you so shy?", "You need to open up?" and in college teachers were more open to showing favourites and treating students differently. I know they mean well but just asking the question really doesn't help. Idk what would help, I think more intervention and screening for learning disorders would help but also not punishing a kid for being shy, trying to show some understanding. I feel in my School experience, it made me a bit angry, when I was in college that someone with anger issues or ADHD automatically gets help cause their behaviour can be destructive. But kids with issues that aren't distuptive, like me, who have problems that can cause a mental breakdown just get told "You need to be more confident", a bit like saying "Man up" and treated like they are somehow ******** by certain people.

Another thing though I had a mental breakdown in 2010, but because it felt mental illness was so stigmatised and my mum told me off for being awkward, when I was unaware of being awkward, I don't think my college knew about my mental breakdown and I was made to just go college pretending I was normal. It was probably a terrible approach.

I understand how you could take teasing as bullying. I am the same. It's like you have been bullied constantly, even if it's light bullying, so you feel that almost everyone is against you. This makes trust also difficult. For example, sometimes I would see a pretty girl that is my age or a cool man and automatically think they don't like me or will say something bad about me.

The small boys in my High School, were usually angrier. I think it was to deter bullies. The short man syndrome lol. Also seemed to get into gym bodybuilding as soon as they could.
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  #33  
Old 2nd June 2020, 23:30
AnxiousExtrovert AnxiousExtrovert is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by imperfect_perfectionist

I understand how you could take teasing as bullying. I am the same. It's like you have been bullied constantly, even if it's light bullying, so you feel that almost everyone is against you. This makes trust also difficult. For example, sometimes I would see a pretty girl that is my age or a cool man and automatically think they don't like me or will say something bad about me.
I think the teasing is a tricky one and its something funnily enough as I got older I find more awkward.
As you said some people are very defensive about it possibly because of past bullying.

But what I've noticed more as I've got older is that certain or a lot of type of people interact socially like its a pecking order all the time. I never noticed that so much when I was younger. If I teased someone it was because I genuinely thought it was funny and it would be the same type of thing I would laugh at myself for.
But I notice a lot more defensivness or verbal sparring these days and it seems to me its based on a lot of status issues or how they percieve interactions are related to their status.
So my point being is that if that type of mindset is going on then banter and joking about is awkward as hell.
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  #34  
Old 3rd June 2020, 00:37
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

I have never been bullied the most, at times i was surprisingly popular, either I was fairly popular or mostly ignored, which I was alright with because I liked my own company and had a few close friends who would come round and play video games. Worst period of bullying was in year 7/8 and college. I think a few of the girls liked me around puberty and this gets you some respect when it comes to the gossip, and was becoming very smart in subjects as I got older wheras many children find school gets harder, but the truth is, I had terrible SA at the time so didn't socialise widely at school. People are usually alright with me then reject me for irrational reasons but I think if they knew how awful the behaviour is they wouldn't do it. I mean once I experienced it, I didn't want to dish it out. My schools were very violent so you had to stand up for yourself as a male unfortunately. I mean I have always been quite nice personally, I would never bully purely for my own amusement like some kind of psychpath.
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  #35  
Old 3rd June 2020, 09:16
AnxiousExtrovert AnxiousExtrovert is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopia
I have never been bullied the most, at times i was surprisingly popular, either I was fairly popular or mostly ignored, which I was alright with because I liked my own company and had a few close friends who would come round and play video games. Worst period of bullying was in year 7/8 and college. I think a few of the girls liked me around puberty and this gets you some respect when it comes to the gossip, and was becoming very smart in subjects as I got older wheras many children find school gets harder, but the truth is, I had terrible SA at the time so didn't socialise widely at school. People are usually alright with me then reject me for irrational reasons but I think if they knew how awful the behaviour is they wouldn't do it. I mean once I experienced it, I didn't want to dish it out. My schools were very violent so you had to stand up for yourself as a male unfortunately. I mean I have always been quite nice personally, I would never bully purely for my own amusement like some kind of psychpath.
Yeah I have been popular at times in my life too and I never would have considered myself a bully victim. But I also look back and see how my shyness or social anxiety was a problem for me. It was in my late teens more that I encountered "friends" or associates where the competitiveness or pecking order became more apparent and I would feel more vulnerable and uncomfortable being myself.

I felt very confused and unsure who to trust and started to doubt myself a lot in how to interact with people. I was also very bored and unhappy with my social options too and that made me pursue trying to fit into certain groups or mindsets which made me ignore my better judgement on some things.
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  #36  
Old 5th June 2020, 17:59
Jwalk Jwalk is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by imperfect_perfectionist
Interesting, why did you take the bullying in High School differently.
Basically because at that age I agreed with the bullies and everything they said! I was already insecure about my appearance from the age of about 12, so all the negative comments I received just reinforced those insecurities. Its hard to believe the old cliché that no one cares, or even notices how you look, when a significant number of people seem to go out of the their way to punish you for it.

It also tended to be girls that bullied me, around about the time I was becoming interested in them, so I suspect that may be significant in some way. I remember feeling powerless and unable to fight back. When I was at school if a boy made a girl cry she was automatically the victim, regardless of what she had done before hand. They could strike with impunity, whereas boys were expected to just grin and bear it. That was my impression anyway.
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  #37  
Old 5th June 2020, 20:37
imperfect_perfectionist imperfect_perfectionist is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

^Yeah, even at 7 from family or family friends if I talked about bullying it was stand up for yourself without trying to look much into the situation.
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  #38  
Old 6th June 2020, 20:28
Raks1981 Raks1981 is online now
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by limey123
Yes, both verbally and physically, though it was rarely really bad. Mostly because I was perceived as being a "square" at my mixed comprehensive.
Later, at the private school sixth form I went to, it was verbal bullying, but I was probably the least popular pupil in the entire year. It was an awful time and I never fitted in. Of course, back then I didn't know about the Asperger's.
However, the difference between most of the accounts above and my own experiences is that I am STILL bullied - as an adult by other adults - for the way I look. This has gone on since I can remember and has never changed. And I doubt it ever will.
I am sorry to read about your experiences. It's ironic how being a "square" today would be deemed as "cool" .

What is it about your appearance that people bully you for? I find it saddening to read that other "adults" do this to you, I suspect they may be very immature. It says more about them than it does about you. Is it a select group of people that engage In this type of behaviour with you?
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  #39  
Old 6th June 2020, 21:28
imperfect_perfectionist imperfect_perfectionist is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnxiousExtrovert
So my point being is that if that type of mindset is going on then banter and joking about is awkward as hell.
Yeah this is what I notice which sometimes makes banter awkward for me.
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  #40  
Old 7th June 2020, 14:07
Chach Chach is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by firemonkey
Our local village vicar wrote to my housemaster about the bullying to be told that I was the sort of boy who invites such treatment.
It always makes me sad to read about bullying and of course it brings back to me my own years of being bullied, all the way through school.

But this is particularly upsetting and shows the headmaster didn't understand anything. I know I was the sort of girl that invited bullying. It was the expectation of it, together with the lack of social experience, that caused me to behave like that. Far from turning a blind eye, the authorities should help the child who invites bullying.

Schools claim that the situation is much better now. I've also heard that it's much worse due to cyberbullying. Even at home, you can't escape it.
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  #41  
Old 7th June 2020, 14:21
imperfect_perfectionist imperfect_perfectionist is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chach
It always makes me sad to read about bullying and of course it brings back to me my own years of being bullied, all the way through school.

But this is particularly upsetting and shows the headmaster didn't understand anything. I know I was the sort of girl that invited bullying. It was the expectation of it, together with the lack of social experience, that caused me to behave like that. Far from turning a blind eye, the authorities should help the child who invites bullying.

Schools claim that the situation is much better now. I've also heard that it's much worse due to cyberbullying. Even at home, you can't escape it.
Even as recent as 2002 not much was done about bullying or perceived bullying. My headmaster at the time said I need to learn to stand up for myself rather than addressing the actual situation.

I get the feeling that Schools may still be like this but more covert, not all schools though. They act like they are better, but are they really?

I think to tackle a lot of the bullying problem School need a lot of mental health and learning disability awareness, also awareness of other social issues as these make a child more likely to be bullied. School's would say it isn't there business sometimes however bullying is a complex issue so requires serious methods of prevention or even understanding.
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  #42  
Old 7th June 2020, 19:06
Marie8 Marie8 is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

I was bullied in secondary school mainly over my appearance and I think the fact I was so quiet and shy made me an easy target. I still remember the nasty things kids said to me and have had some dreams about them recently and its over 15 years ago since I was in year 11. I still have people make fun of me at work and in my previous jobs. Again I think its because I'm so quiet and they know I wouldn't say anything back. A woman at work last year embarrassed me in front of the team at work and I still get angry and upset about it now. I wish I could stand up for myself but in all social situations I cant think up words fast enough and even if I did I'd be too anxious to say them out loud to someone face.
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  #43  
Old 9th June 2020, 21:21
Kipper Kipper is offline
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Default Re: In School were you bullied the worst or did you have a big fear of bullying

I was bullied too, between the ages of 11 and 13, for largely the same reasons as Marie8. I too looked different to the norm ( long and lanky) and was quiet and reserved. But the bullying was only at one school thank heavens, and when I left to go to my next school the bullying finished. But when it first started I stopped wanting to go to school, feined illness etc, anything to get out of going. I was referred to a child psychiatrist to find out what was going on because I didn't want to admit the problem to my parents. I was kept off school for about 6 months not long after I turned 12 to try to turn things around; also the school told my parents they didn't want me back until I could maintain a decent level of attendance.Just typing this brings it all back!

When I finally went back I was put in a different class with a good friend but things carried on as before. As I say, the bullying didn't finish until I left that horrible school. As a footnote, I did a search on Facebook a few months ago and found the particulars of one of those that gave me a hard time. I felt like contacting him to remind him of the miserable time he gave me but decided against it in the end.
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