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  #361  
Old 13th April 2018, 15:36
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Well a month of not hating my face and my hair came and went

Having a bad case of the ugly bug ball today.
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  #362  
Old 17th May 2018, 21:04
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Generally feeling crud about my face at the moment. And silly thoughts about my eyebrows have come back!

Also... Does anyone else's perception of what the look like constantly change?

I look different in every photo, mirror. It confuses me when people recognise me from a long time ago because I think how can I look so different to myself, but so the same to someone else?

Not sure how to type that without sounding nuts!
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  #363  
Old 18th May 2018, 14:58
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

In my case, no. It doesn't change. The way I look remains depressingly the same.
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  #364  
Old 18th May 2018, 22:03
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

It also applies to my body as well. It always looks different when I look in the mirror. I started taking photos, which I'm going to delete because I can feel myself starting to obsess over it.
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  #365  
Old 19th May 2018, 20:58
Tom Morello Tom Morello is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I hate it when others take photos of me, it's like my ears and nose become bigger and my squinty left eye becomes even more noticeable. I record myself regularly (I know) to convince myself I look ok and generally it works, but when I see those odd photos it knocks my confidence.
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  #366  
Old 12th June 2018, 22:52
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

There's TV programme on the BBC 1 about BDD right now!

Ugly Me: My Life with Body Dysmorphia

I'm off to bed though

It's on iplayer if anyone wants to see it: here
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  #367  
Old 16th June 2018, 19:20
Dimplesxo Dimplesxo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I made the mistake of watching Ugly Me- My life with body dysmorphia. Wow, It's really triggered me. I could relate so much.
Part of me kept thinking yeah but I'm actually ugly and there's no help for that.
I don't think I'll ever be able to improve the way I see myself.
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  #368  
Old 16th June 2018, 19:24
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ I still haven't been able to bring myself to watch it :/

Hope you're okay, Dimps. You're really lovely and have so much to offer
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  #369  
Old 16th June 2018, 22:52
Dimplesxo Dimplesxo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Thanks Biscuits, that's really kind of you
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  #370  
Old 19th June 2018, 20:01
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

[edit: the person I***8217;m responding to deleted their post]

^ Well, the thing is that everyone has different tastes so I don't think there is a universal 'ugly'. Whether someone is ugly or gorgeous isn't really what BDD is about though.

It's more about the negative affects (and impact) that being preoccupied by your appearance has on your life. It can vary from it stopping you from wanting to leave the house to making you feel like you're undesirable and there's no point in even trying to form relationships. Sometimes it's little things e.g. not knowing what to wear because everything looks wrong, feeling like you look odd, obsessing over how odd part of you looks.

Quote:
The DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for BDD require the following: Appearance preoccupations: The individual must be preoccupied with one or more nonexistent or slight defects or flaws in their physical appearance.
There are probably people who don't think they're gorgeous, but it doesn't really impact their life because they know they have a lot to offer as a person, can form positive relationships and the self-esteem isn't affected by their appearance etc.

Does this make sense?

I feel like you might have been trying to be funny and I've given a serious response haha
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  #371  
Old 19th June 2018, 20:49
Dimplesxo Dimplesxo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

That view was spoken about on the programme. To recognise you may have BDD is to admit to yourself that you're seeing things/there's something psychological going on.
I always tell myself maybe I'm just ugly and can't deal with that, that people are lying to me etc.

Great post Biscuits.
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  #372  
Old 18th July 2018, 00:05
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

all of a sudden it***8217;s the norm to comment on people***8217;s weight and body shape - whether it be positive or negative. People keep telling me that I***8217;ve lost weight and am looking slim. That would be okay if I were trying to lose weight, but the reason is because sometimes I feel worried and stressed and my appetite goes. Also it makes me wonder was I fat before and didn***8217;t notice?

Then in Tesco a lady offered me and my Mum some passion fruit Malibu. My Mum said, ***8220;You can***8217;t have any.***8221; The lady looked at me and said, ***8220;Ah, yes...pregnant!***8221;

My Mum said that she needs her eyes testing. My Mum***8217;s not one for lying to be nice; she would have told me if she agreed with her haha.

So now I***8217;m all confused. I don***8217;t even want to think about things like this, especially because I was getting to a point where I wasn***8217;t really thinking about my appearance and now it***8217;s sent me back to thinking bad things. Arrrrg... what happened to idle chit chat about the weather?
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  #373  
Old 18th July 2018, 20:41
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ I don't reckon that comment from the lady in Tesco was about your weight. If you hear a woman can't drink, the first guess is always pregnancy - regardless of one's rotundity.

It's interesting that you think it's become more acceptable to comment on people's weight more generally. I wonder if the NHS's increasing emphasis on weight management as a means to prevent illness and save it money has made weight more of a prominent public concern?

One thing I've always found quite interesting in my extended family is that most of the women readily comment on the weight of men in the family, but will very rarely comment each other's. I'm frequently told I'm 'too' skinny, and my dad's weight (and general appearance) is often playfully mocked. I know it's never meant in a mean way, but I often wonder how they would react if we were to turn the tables. Not favourably, I don't think. (I'm not saying this is a reflection of stuff generally - just how it seems to be in my family.)
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  #374  
Old 18th July 2018, 21:27
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Ah, it was definitely about my shape because when she said sorry she also said to me that she has a dress that does that to her too. Keep diggin' that hole, love. Keep diggin'. haha

I'm not cross at the lady for thinking I'm pregnant though because that was kind of funny and there are worse things to be called. What I meant is that I'm getting mixed messages and all of these messages are making my get confused and self-conscious, especially about what I should wear. Then it sets off my negative thoughts about my face etc.
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  #375  
Old 19th July 2018, 19:37
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I think it's normal to think you look all right on some days and like a troll on others. To other people you probably look the same.
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  #376  
Old 16th August 2018, 22:01
Dimplesxo Dimplesxo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I***8217;m obsessing over nose jobs.... again. I can spend hours researching surgeries. I***8217;m feeling particularly monstrous today.
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  #377  
Old 23rd August 2018, 21:30
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Does anyone ever feel like they want to make themselves uglier to reinforce their belief that they are ugly? Like how you can exist in a place where you're convinced you're hideous, but other people try to put a positive spin on your appearance, and you almost wish you were ugly in a clearly obvious, objective way so they could really see what you see?
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  #378  
Old 29th August 2018, 21:16
Deadbeatunderadustymoon Deadbeatunderadustymoon is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merritt
Does anyone ever feel like they want to make themselves uglier to reinforce their belief that they are ugly? Like how you can exist in a place where you're convinced you're hideous, but other people try to put a positive spin on your appearance, and you almost wish you were ugly in a clearly obvious, objective way so they could really see what you see?
not quite as noone has ever put a positive spin on how i look. I think everyone can see what I see
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  #379  
Old 31st August 2018, 21:38
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Merritt, I've attempted to write a reply to your post about 78 times and deleted it each time because I can't make myself sound un-nuts

I'm not trying to play a game of crazy top trumps with you, but...

I kind of get what you mean, but for me it's more like... I feel like I shouldn't try with my appearance because people will comment on it or notice it and I don't want people to think I'm trying too hard (and failing) to cover up my ugliness. It's difficult to explain. It's like I think people will look at me like I'm a cat shit with a bow on it. Does that make sense?

It seems to only be a thing when I'm with people that I know. Today, I thought I'd try and do something nice with my hair and make up and went out into town like it because I wasn't meeting anyone, so didn't have to have the worries above because no one in town has a comparison. I bumped into one of my Mum's friends that I haven't seen for well over 10 years. She was like, "YOU LOOK GORGEOUS!" it was really awkward because there's no way that I look gorgeous .

If I try and do anything different about myself then I feel really weird.
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  #380  
Old 16th September 2018, 22:03
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Oops, only just saw these replies

I know what you mean, Biscuits. It's worse to feel like you've actually tried and still fell short (even if only in your own view) I'm always afraid of dressing too nicely, or at least trying to dress nicely, because I think it'd only create this weird contrast between the clothes and me.

I tend to dress as boringly as possible. Boring clothes and simple hair (never a style, just hair) If I tried wearing something smart or got a proper haircut, I imagine it'd look almost sarcastic on me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deadbeatunderadustymoon
not quite as noone has ever put a positive spin on how i look. I think everyone can see what I see
Positive spin's probably a bit much, what I meant was that general 'Nah, you're fine' thing people do if you ever have attention drawn to your appearance, the sort of thing people would probably do even if you were profoundly deformed.
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  #381  
Old 17th September 2018, 22:51
3stacks 3stacks is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I thought I had this but I think I'm just genuinely ugly, I have a huge nose and kinda bad acne scars on both sides of my face
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  #382  
Old 29th September 2018, 01:09
Deadbeatunderadustymoon Deadbeatunderadustymoon is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3stacks
I thought I had this but I think I'm just genuinely ugly, I have a huge nose and kinda bad acne scars on both sides of my face

Me too. I mean people say Iím ugly so I guess I must be, So I guess this means i dont have bdd, but then I cant bear to look in a mirror so is that bdd or just a normal reaction to not wanting to see how ugly I am?

I mean Im balding, medically obese, old, have freckles, acne scars, bug eyes, big nose, big ears, red blotchy skin, small ... well you get the picture!
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  #383  
Old 29th September 2018, 10:21
T T is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I've not been diagnosed with it but i've struggled over the years regarding about my looks... when i was growing up i had a few comments on being ugly thrown at me which prob didn't help with it...but learnt to grow to like me when i was in my mid 20s but now i'm struggling with it again ggrrr i try not to dwell on it and just think of the positives i'm doing as i used to wear a hat everywhere i went but this year i've hardly worn it which is a big deal for me.. i've started to wear it again recently though just like my comfort blanket thing i guess.
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  #384  
Old 11th April 2019, 21:48
Laurel Laurel is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Good watch on TV regarding this- called Naked Beach. It involves basically people with big hangups about their body spending a week with naked hosts, and eventually they turn around their low confidence about their body and go naked themselves.
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  #385  
Old 12th April 2019, 12:55
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Lol, that sounds quite an extreme treatment approach (I assume the "rude bits" were censored for TV?)
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  #386  
Old 12th April 2019, 20:35
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Nope, should I have?
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  #387  
Old 14th April 2019, 02:03
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

In the past it's been suggested to me that I may have BDD because all my life I've loathed my appearance - my chubby face, my badly proportioned body, everything. Not a single feature is okay.

I've never agreed that I have BDD because anyone I've known of who has this (including many on this forum) have always been extremely attractive but, despite assurances to the contrary, frustratingly continue to believe that they are ugly.

But If you are ugly in reality and make it known that you realise this fact then it's not BDD is it?? In my case, I'm simply stating a true fact.

The other day I regretfully watched 'Naked Beach' on TV.
'Experts' were attempting to help a selection of people suffering with poor body image into liking their bodies by accepting that in reality we all come in various shapes and sizes and not everyone has the perfectly toned bodies that bombard us on so many of todays trashy reality TV shows. One 'expert' said something like, if we look at our naked selves in the mirror regularly, in time, we will learn to feel more comfortable with the way that we look. Well, that has certainly never worked for me! The more I looked the more repulsed I felt to the extent I'd avoid mirrors.

Another thing. The participants on the show were surrounded by naked men and women (all so enviably happy in their own skins) of various shapes and sizes - some very skinny some very overweight - but I don't think any of them were over the age of 40!!
Perhaps I'm a rarity and it's assumed that middle aged people don't suffer with poor body image because they have ceased caring about their appearance. They have learnt to accept their ever expanding girth and saggy bits. Or maybe anyone over 40 (especially women) are deemed non entities in our youth obsessed Society. Or...maybe...it would be too vomit inducing for viewers

Instead of finding 'Naked Beach' helpful the programme caused me to feel even more depressed about my appearance. All of the participants, skinny or overweight, looked a million times better than I've ever looked in my entire life (or maybe it was the aura of positivity surrounding them that made them appear more attractive outwardly - if this is the case then I'm forever doomed!)

I'm now the fattest I've ever been but am squeezing into a size 12 so am apparently still no larger than the average female in the UK who is a size 14 - but whatever size I've ever been I've always looked ruddy awful. Whether you lose weight or gain weight I've discovered that you can't change a badly proportioned body/face. This all sounds so pathetically vain and self obsessed, especially when coming from an older person, but it nevertheless causes me considerable anxiety.

Year after year I dread the Summer months when it becomes too warm for me to hide beneath my big coat or a cardigan. I would love to have swimming lessons but I can't bare the thought of wearing a revealing swimsuit. When I used to take my son to the pool I had to wrap myself in a huge towel until I was right at the waters edge.

My husband says that a persons outward appearance isn't important, it's what's inside that matters, and wishes that I didn't hate myself but he is kinder than anyone I've ever known. In contrast, my ex used to tease me for having chubby 'hamster cheeks'.

One of the main reasons I haven't attempted to meet my birth mother is not because she's by all accounts an utterly horrible person but because I'm afraid she will take one look at me and be disappointed. Now how pathetic is that

Most embarrassing of all (and something I may delete so please don't quote) is that despite all the reassurances in the world, I can't get dressed or undressed in front of my other half. I know it's sad and irrational but I have this fear that if my husband sees the 'whole' me he might be so repulsed that I'll lose his love. Of course, if my husband suddenly became horribly deformed I would still adore him but my own fear of rejection is so great

I honestly don't know if this is all part of some mental health condition like BDD or if I should just stop being so self obsessed and be extremely thankful that I have two working arms and legs and am still fully mobile
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  #388  
Old 14th April 2019, 02:57
Change Change is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ It sounds like you have an opinion of yourself that is more than just genuinely thinking as fact that you are "ugly".

Even if someone truly believed this and could prove it was true, it's still possible for them to have a healthy view of themselves and not be ashamed of their looks. Considering the things you say you avoid, it does suggest that's not healthy and it could be some type of disorder. Whether that's BDD or an extension of SA due to low confidence/self esteem I can't say.

I think you're right that someone can generally have the opinion that they are objectively ugly so that doesn't mean they have BDD.

Although, please remember that even if someone is objectively unattractive, attraction is much more complicated than that. People will still have very attractive qualities, physical ones, to some people. Your husband can both love your personality and also genuinely find you physically attractive, even if most of the world doesn't. Characteristics and facial expressions, the way you move, can be very attractive even if a lot of people wouldn't describe someone as "pretty" or "handsome".

Having said that, I think the things you say you avoid are much more common than you might think and they are things I've heard several times before. From people of all shapes and sizes. And plenty of people genuinely believe they are unattractive or ugly.

In all cases none of them were. You're probably one of them so try not to be too hard on yourself. And please go swimming!
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  #389  
Old 14th April 2019, 03:12
HermannHesse HermannHesse is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^^ Actual ugliness is quite rare. I see women all the time I'm not attracted to, but very rarely do I see a woman I'd rate (if I was so inclined, which I'm not) as ugly. To be ugly, things have to be seriously out of proportion, or out of the norm of ageing, and that's just not common. One of my favourite quotes, which risks a slight digression, is found in the first few pages of Our Lady of the Flowers: "ugliness is beauty at rest". Most people who think of themselves as ugly - almost the norm, for females - really are just in a state of passive and inactive beauty. Attractiveness is an energised personality.

Also, attractiveness is not really something someone possesses, per se, it's more so a force between people that's influenced by a variety of factors - personality, circumstance, smell and voice, aesthetics, etc. It makes no sense to talk of attractiveness if no one is ever attracted: it's not something someone has but that exists in interaction. Ugliness, contrariwise, means that you don't appeal to anyone, and fail to create that force of attraction, which applies to me but obviously not to you (since you have a husband and previous partners). If someone is in a relationship with you then by definition they are attracted to you and if someone is attracted to you then by definition you are attractive.

As a male, I like pretty girls. But I like pretty girls in the same way I like works of art. Nice to look at, to admire from a distance, but that's it. If I was in a relationship, I'd be infinitely more interested in how her mind moves mine than whether she has a bit of belly fat.

None of this really matters to you, just some random and pointless 3 am thoughts.
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  #390  
Old 15th April 2019, 04:46
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Thank you Change and HermannHesse for your very helpful feedback

Change, I think you are right when you suggest that the loathing I feel for myself may stem from deep seated self esteem issues rather than from suffering with BDD. The rational part of my brain tells me that although I'm no oil painting, neither am I so grotesque that I'd frighten small children but those feelings of being vile still persist. It's like flogging a dead horse at times


Hermann, can I say that it would be great if you were able to apply some of the helpful thoughts that you've shared here to yourself. I remember you posting that you've had relationships in the past so that must be proof right there for you that some girls have and will find you attractive even though you, and only you, look upon yourself as ugly and with nothing to offer.


Anyhow, all of this is something I find very embarrassing to post about but if just one person can relate to any of it and think 'I'm not the only person who feels this way' then I'm 'happy' to share
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