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  #1  
Old 18th October 2018, 17:47
daydreamsandicecreams daydreamsandicecreams is offline
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Location: United Kingdom
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Unhappy Please someone, anybody there? Help.

Hello again everyone,
in my last post I talked about how I was lonely and jealous of my partners social life.
Well, now.
The past few months haven't been great. I haven't done anything "fun" in what seems like years.
I don't hang out with friends, I haven't seen lots of movies in theater (I'm normally a frequent theater kind of person).
No concerts, nothing.
It's gotten to the point where I'm starting to resent moving from California to the U.K.

It appears me and my partner argue nearly everyday and it just makes me feel like there truly nothing worth staying for here.
I have nothing here.
It's been over a year and it's been incredibly hard throughout.

I don't like going to work,
I don't like going to school. But if I don't do these things then there's nothing.
Often I'm spending time in the same room with my partner while he's on the computer. It sucks. I can't even afford my own laptop right now.

I truly just want to run away. I don't know what to go, or what to do.
I just want to be normal.
I just want to live a normal life.

Instead of this boring/ everyday the same, no friends, no fun activities, lonely existence.
Even my art is slowly starting to plummet as I haven't been creating much.
I just wish I was some place else.
I don't think it's worth being in a place where I am not happy.
I moved here for my partner, but now I see that was probably a mistake. One I can't take back.

I don't know what to do and it's making me incredibly depressed where I've been feeling very disappointed in my existence.

Part of me thinks I should travel far away, but this means dropping out of school only issue is I've just payed my tuition fees of 14K yesterday and will probably not be able to get that back if I left.
The funds for this is not plausible.
And what happens when I drop out of school?
I can't live in the U.K anymore because I'm going to no longer be a student.
Now I can't think if I would move back home (would probably be fine for a few months and then I'll start getting depressed again because I'm not doing anything to grow or change my life).
Or move to a completely different city in the US and start over there? And then I realize that my partner and I will separate because he will not want to be with me, even after all that we've been through. And that makes me feel sad and super depressed because ultimately I'll have to figure ALL of this out with the skewed perception of a broken heart.
I don't know what to do (I've said this 3 times already) but I truly feel stuck, more than I've ever felt in my entire life and I feel like there's no way out.
All options leave me at 0.
I want to disappear.
I want to not exist.
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  #2  
Old 18th October 2018, 17:59
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Please someone, anybody there? Help.

I'm sorry you're finding things so difficult, there certainly are options of what you can do though.Have you talked to your partner about how you're feeling?

Moving to a different country is a huge thing to do and probably involves a lot of adjustment for anyone.
Do you enjoy the course you're doing, do you want to continue with that or at least finish this year?

Would living apart make any difference to whether you and your partner can stay together or not? You could look in to moving in to some kind of student accomodation where there might be more of a chance for you to build your own social life (depending on your anxiety of course).
You don't have to answer these questions, just some things to think about.
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  #3  
Old 18th October 2018, 18:40
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 319
Default Re: Please someone, anybody there? Help.

I think you would feel better about yourself and things generally if you could build more parts of your life that didn't revolve around your partner, such as your own social life. (But why can't you at the same time share in your partner's social life to some extent?)
I admit this is easier said than done. Have you thought about meetup.com or similar as a first step?
When I lived in Germany I got a social life partly through online dating, but obvs you can't do that. When I lived in the US I took up a hobby and met some people that way. But I also went to bars and got to know some locals (not ideal, I admit).

I'm sorry you're feeling so down and I hope you can find some things to make you feel better very soon. What about your course, what is it you don't like about it specifically?
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  #4  
Old 28th October 2018, 13:02
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 319
Default Re: Please someone, anybody there? Help.

@Daydreams - how are you doing now? Please let us know.
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  #5  
Old 28th October 2018, 14:45
healingsoul healingsoul is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,172
Blog Entries: 68
Default Re: Please someone, anybody there? Help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by daydreamsandicecreams
Hello again everyone,
in my last post I talked about how I was lonely and jealous of my partners social life.
Well, now.
The past few months haven't been great. I haven't done anything "fun" in what seems like years.
I don't hang out with friends, I haven't seen lots of movies in theater (I'm normally a frequent theater kind of person).
No concerts, nothing.
It's gotten to the point where I'm starting to resent moving from California to the U.K.

It appears me and my partner argue nearly everyday and it just makes me feel like there truly nothing worth staying for here.
I have nothing here.
It's been over a year and it's been incredibly hard throughout.
Why exactly do you and your partner argue?
Why do you need to do something fun? Does it make you feel better, or adequate or what? I have felt similar, especially with my old job. Recently though when I was going out, I said hi to one of my neighbours and she said hi back. Recently though it feels like she has lost interest in me. We don't speak so she probably thinks I am up to nothing, stereotypically at 24 I should either be in uni, building my career or just more grown up. But I thought to myself as I was going gym, that it was alright if she didn't see anything in me to be interested about. I feel that was cause I was doing something I cared about. Looking successful but being unhappy with myself seems worse and more suffocating that trying to do what I want to do.

Quote:
I don't like going to work,
I don't like going to school. But if I don't do these things then there's nothing.
Often I'm spending time in the same room with my partner while he's on the computer. It sucks. I can't even afford my own laptop right now.
I definitely sometimes feel like this and haven't found the solution. I don't hate my course though, sometimes I do wonder if it is the wrong course for me. Do you really hate your course. Be honest with yourself. What made yo decide to pick the course? Move countries? I feel SA can limit our job options.

Although I myself use my PC a lot I don't think it is the healthiest activity. In fact I feel I use my PC cause I lack real life social connections. There are more things to do that use the computer.

Quote:
I truly just want to run away. I don't know what to go, or what to do.
I just want to be normal.
I just want to live a normal life.

Instead of this boring/ everyday the same, no friends, no fun activities, lonely existence.
Even my art is slowly starting to plummet as I haven't been creating much.
I just wish I was some place else.
I don't think it's worth being in a place where I am not happy.
I moved here for my partner, but now I see that was probably a mistake. One I can't take back.
I think you need to clear your mind. I feel I have the same problem of having an overly clouded mind, whilst feeling negative which causes me to procrastinate rather than to help myself and do what I need to do. How to clear your mind, idrk, maybe exercise, doing an activity you enjoy, so you are able to better focus and be in the present and be calmer.
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  #6  
Old 28th October 2018, 16:06
A lump of Excrement A lump of Excrement is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 157
Default Re: Please someone, anybody there? Help.

I hope you're OK daydreamsandicecreams. Please reply back when you're next around on the forums.

Moving to a new country is a very hard thing to do and would be lonely, at least in the beginning, for most people. If your partner has had an easier time settling and starting a social life that can only shine a light onto the fact you're not at that stage yet and make things worse.

If you haven't already, please explain all of this with your partner. They may not realise it all and they can help and support you. Things can and will get better, but you will need to let people help you and try to make friends.

You mention school. Is this college or University?
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