Hi jnust alittle about me!!

[*CaNaDiAnMaple*]

hi there..

im new to this forum and have been reading the posts for a while now...sorry for my spelling as you will read im not so good!

im a stay at home mum of a beautiful 6 month old girl...my reason for living i tell you! she keeps me going when the times get tough..i dont know how i

managed before..its since ive had her all this SA business has come to a head..ive realised what i can and cant do in life..i thought that once id had her id

be fine and id just be more confident for her sake..but its actually got worse and it scares me so much that i just cry sometimes without even knowing im

doing it...im so scared ill pass it on to her wen she gets abit older and she will have to suffer the pain i do everyday..

i cant tell you guys how glad i am that i am not the only one feeling like this every single day...im 24 and im sure this all started when i was very young

about 8 or 9. As i was always told i was just shy at school and at home i guess it got stuck in my head that, shyness was the cause of all my

problems..when growing up i had friends but found it very difficult to make the first move and just relax around new faces in a classroom..so i just went

into my self more and more and kept myself to myself as they say..and as you know children can be really mean to the quiter ones...i was never bullied at

school but there were times when nasty people would make stupid remarks trying to be clever or funny and where anyone else would say a clever remark

back and maybe turn it around to make the other person look stupid well me, id always say nothing and just take it all in and let it get to me for ages after

constantly re-living it in my head..and thinking what i should have said to them!!! shoulda woulda coulda!

work for me is quite a struggle and always has been since i started again put all my crap down to being shy and take days off and just not turn up because

it would get to much for me the same old circle of thoughts in my head like whos looking at me, i wonder what they are thinking, i bet they think im ugly,

quite, a stupid little girl who cant make a decent interesting conversation!! I feel alot younger than i am because i cant make a decent conversation with

people! i feel so stupid because im 24 years old been on this planet for along time know and seem to have nothing to say for myself..it also makes me

want to cry because i feel so alone in my feeling like this..id quit so many jobs because of this and not tell anyone the true reasons why i quit because they

wouldnt understand..all i wanted to do when i started a job was meet friends and fit in, more like a classroom that a bloody job around adults!! its so silly i

know! the longest ive stayes at a job is 8 months before i had my daughter..my dream is to become a midwife but if that will ever happen i dont know, it

doesnt feel like it.. i never feel like im being my true self on the outside to other people i just calm up and get alll sweaty and start breathing heavy and just

want to run to the nearest dark hole and hide in it! By close friends ive been told ive got a good sense of humor for a girl anyway, and i can never show it!
any ways ive managed, just about, to get through my life till this point and until 1 month ago i just put it all down to low confidence and low self esteem..little

knowing that there are millions of people out there with exactly the same symtoms as me...i founhd out about this by looking up low confidence websites

and treatments and ran into this one and at once it was me, sumed up to a 'T'. i was actually so happy that i wanted to cry and scream "yes, im not a

nutter after all !!" lol

There so many things that get to me on a daily basis like going to the supermarket, making telephone calls, meeting up with friends in a bar or even worse

a group of friends...well not my friends..they are my friends friends if you know what i mean, i dont have many because of this..

I dont have a support system like my mother or family that could possibly understand, im sure my mothers a big part of what caused this anyway...the only person i have to chat to about this is my partner who is a good listener but im sure he cant totally understand it all as he says things like "just go out there and do it"!!! which as you know, we have to do everyday, so that comment doesnt help that much!!

So theres just alittle about me..lol quite alot i know, but hey typing up this has been alittle bit of therapy in its self!! Look forward to any replys i might get..XXX

[marbles]

hellohello aimsaims sure you'll get all the support and advice you need here

[lilly1987]

Hi AimsAims

[Occultus]

Hi there

Welcome to SAUK

[Winnie57]

Hi AimsAims - you're not a nutter - there's plenty here who can relate to your experience.