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  #1  
Old 26th September 2015, 23:29
Biscuit Biscuit is offline
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Default Be wary of the negative chatterbox in your head!

Hi All

I don't come on this site anymore but I used to post here quite a few years ago.

I just wanted to share a really positive thing that happened with a group of friends that I felt disconnected from recently. Basically I had these pangs that my group were putting up with me, I thought they might be talking about me behind my back, rolling their eyes about me, pitying me a slightly, and I felt they all had shared interests in common that I didn't have. I was also a bit uncomfortable with them because I felt I wasn't as successful, social, or ticked all the boxes that they ticked. They did say a few bitchy/critical things occasionally which made me a bit paranoid. I realised I liked some of the group slightly less than others based on what I perceived as their "bitchiness" levels.

To cut a long story short. I messaged them all to say that I couldn't meet up with them to go to a gig and that I was depressed and that I'd kind of lost interest in the band that we all follow which is the thing that brought us all together in the first place. That was my get-out card. I was really surprised then they all contacted me and they all said really lovely sincere things and really tried to make me feel better and coax me to come out - they read between the lines and got the inkling that I was trying to fade away and didn't want me to and showed me that I was important to them. I'm meeting up with them next month. It showed me that what I perceive might not be what's really happening at all which was a huge eye-opener that one negative thought can lead to another and then a full-blown negative conclusion!

I know there are a lot of young people on this site and I used to feel really hopeless at some periods of my life, especially when I was younger.

I was unwell from 16 -18 I used to lie in my room in the dark, scared to socialise with anyone who was visiting our house, having this kind of out-of-body experience, pretending I was other people and living their lives because I didn't like being me. I was really unhappy. I have an 18 year old son and he sees me as a confident person who isn't scared people even though I tell him it's something I have to practice and it gets easier over time.

Years ago I read that book - Feel the fear and do it anyway - and if it speaks to you, go with it - it's a bestseller for a reason and I recommend it because it helped me. The message is basically not to listen to your negative voice, to do the things that you fear, to extend your comfort zone slowly and choose to be positive. I skipped the sentimental parts and found the rest really practical. It is possible and it improved how I felt and how I feel now. I do get bouts of depression now and again, but the thing that happened with my friends gave me a boost and made me realise that I always try to run away and sometimes it's not the right thing to do. If I feel low I remind myself that it will pass and it does because mood goes up and down - it really does. If you feel alone it's really worth volunteering for a cause or company that moves you or interests you (animals, conservation, music, art, charity, whatever) because it's easier and feels safer to relate with people when you are bonded by a common interest. And it might lead to a great job which is what happened to me which was a huge turning point. I learned not to assume that just because people are human and (occasionally bitchy) that I shouldn't be too quick to be judgemental about them too - but also to steer clear of genuinely negative people who will drain my energy. The really good thing is that I don't care so much about what other people think and UNBELIEVABLY this got easier as I got older - with practice!

When I used to come on this site before, I used to feel it was quite cliquey sometimes, but there will always be cliques everywhere. I thought the site was a bit of a springboard for dating - which isn't a bad thing - but I'd feel lonely if people only posted to their friendship groups or groups with the same interests in music/whatever without extending to others so much. I'd feel slighted if people didn't reply to my posts. Sometimes this site would make me feel lonely and different because I was trying to appeal to everyone - not a good idea! So I think I'm finally starting to be true to myself and wish you all the same!

Take care and I hope this is useful to someone!

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  #2  
Old 27th September 2015, 23:59
eMe eMe is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Fermanagh
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Default Re: Be wary of the negative chatterbox in your head!

Thanks for sharing your recovery. It always helps to hear these things and have no doubt it will reinforce a little more belief into some, if people think its not possible.
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