Anyone in a relationship where both people have SA?

next_exit · #1 10th January 2007, 07:30

If so, how do you find it?

ellen · #2 10th January 2007, 08:13

I was in one for about 9 months or so, it was great to have someone to snuggle up to, it isn't as anxiety producing as you may think, the initial meeting may be, but once your in the relationship and settled it can be very enjoyable and comforting.

Edit: i notice you changed your heading topic, my partner didn't have SA no, but he understood it to an extend and never judged me for it.

ellen

scarlet_diva · #3 10th January 2007, 12:34

Not at the mo, but my last proper r.ship was with someone with SA and it was wonderful not having to worry about him thinking i was weird for having no friends, or that I was nervous & overwhelmed around strangers. We didn't go out much, there was never any pressure for that, and when we did, we just went out and did our own thing. Also there was never any pressure to meet his friends (he didn't have any really) or his family or anything like that.

My ex hubby was a different story - he wasn't SA and although in most ways our r.ship was great, we were never on that same level as I was with my other ex. I always felt a bit odd as he had piles of friends & also I felt bad because I could never go out with him and meet them, or even his family. So I do feel much happier with someone with SA; I feel far less inadequate and a weirdo/unsociable freak and I feel more on the same wavelength which is so important.

Medea · #4 10th January 2007, 13:03

Yeah, both me and my Chimpy have SA.

Like scarlet says it is much easier not having to say "sorry, I'm SA so I can't..." or anything like that. He accepts that I'm mad and I'm going to do mad things from time to time (and visa versa). I've never been in a relationship with someone who's not SA (Chimpy is my one and only) but I can imagine it's not easy for either party.

ren

tevian · #5 10th January 2007, 23:16

I just started a relationship with someone with SA and have to say it's the best relationship I've ever been in. He understands so much about me it's downright scary.

fruitloop · #6 12th January 2007, 11:54

My bf and I both have SA, I met him via SAUK chat, it's the loveliest relationship I think I've ever had with someone, I feel really lucky to have met him.
I don't have any other relationships of this nature to compare it with, but in terms of any relationship I have had, this is definitely the best ever

It's great knowing that he understands where I'm coming from and I get where he is coming from too, I don't think tbh I could cope with a non-SA boyfriend, I don't like to go to social things etc, lol.
Mr. Nonee is the bestest

:hug3:

Bugs

:multi:

diplodocus · #7 13th January 2007, 14:52

I'm in one now and it certainly makes things alot easier. We are both a lot more understanding of one anothers problems. I believe there is a flip side where now you have two people with problems rather than just one but then who's perfect?
And it's is good that we are roughly on a similar level in terms of our SA and personality. I'm don't think it would be the case if one of us had very mild SA and the other really severe. It seems SA'ers at different ends of the spectrum can find it really hard to understand each others perspectives sometimes.

hardy · #8 15th January 2007, 00:17

thers benefits for and against. I tend to think its best to be with an understanding none SAEr who doesnt mind your SA and can give you help and experience to understand the none SA world and help you to join it ,if you want to.

Pal · #9 15th January 2007, 03:58

Must be wonderful, to take emotional support from each other and help build each others confidence up.

ellen · #10 15th January 2007, 09:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by hardy

thers benefits for and against. I tend to think its best to be with an understanding none SAEr who doesnt mind your SA and can give you help and experience to understand the none SA world and help you to join it ,if you want to.

Tend to agree with that.

ellen

Medea · #11 15th January 2007, 20:47

I think being with someone with SA is definitely the way to go. People without SA often don't understand it and will often be dismissive/pressurising when it comes to certain things. I've never been with a non-SAer but I've heard a few non-SAers comment on their SA other half's and complain about them not doing certain things.

My partner understands my bouts of madness. Admitedly I have problems beyond SA but because he has some knowledge of mental illness he can deal with a lot more than a no SAer.

ren

fruitloop · #12 15th January 2007, 20:53

I tend not to agree as well, I think that it very much depends upon the dynamics within a relationship, the levels of SA at work, and for some people SA isn't the only problem they are dealing with. My own family have trouble relating to me, I feel that whilst a non-SA partner may well be as willing to try and understand and support me, they equally are in a position where that is going to be difficult. Maybe insurmountably so.
There is a certain freedom in knowing that your partner 'gets' your point of view, and you theirs too, and I feel much more comfortable with him, knowing that he knows why I don't want to go out all the time etc. I'd feel pretty bad, as my SA can be pretty bad atm, curtailing my partners social life or whatever as well.
As it is, my relationship helps me no end, and at the end of the day, any relationship that is loving and supportive, I think, is going to do no end of good.

Bugs

:multi: