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  #1  
Old 29th January 2007, 17:57
NikNox NikNox is offline
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Default Worrying that no-one likes me

Ok so this is going to be a weird post but I'm paranoid the whole time that no-one likes me no matter what they say and that everyone is just pretending to like me, even though my logical rational self has said that this is a very silly thing to think. I've always got such low self-esteem and self belief that I don't ever feel that anyone's view of me would be a worthy one as I don't think I'm worthy of much.

Terribly silly isn't it!

Arrrrrgh!!
  #2  
Old 29th January 2007, 17:59
Billy Billy is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

That's how I feel too. Silly? No!
  #3  
Old 29th January 2007, 18:01
nothing_to_say
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

I think that all the time
  #4  
Old 29th January 2007, 18:06
scarlet_diva scarlet_diva is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

That's spooky cos I was thinking the exact same thing today about myself. In fact it's one of the main reasons why I hate going to work, because I am constantly paranoid that the entire building (believe it or not) despises me- even the people who've never spoken to me. Completely irrational. I even think strangers in the street see me as a horrible person, or up my own a** or miserable. And anyone who does speak to me in a pleasant way, I reckon are doing so because they pity me cos I'm a billy- no-mates loser, or something.

I really did try to beat this thing with CBT when I was still seeing a therapist, but only got so far and now have gone straight back to square 1 again. It sucks. I can totally relate, it's one of my main bugbears, this lack of self esteem issue. Unfortunately I can't counterattack this way of thinking by taking comfort in telling myself 'at least so and so likes me', etc. because I really don't have friends except my ex & my family isn't close.
  #5  
Old 29th January 2007, 18:11
custardcreams custardcreams is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

Quote:
Originally Posted by scarlet_diva
I really did try to beat this thing with CBT when I was still seeing a therapist, but only got so far and now have gone straight back to square 1 again. It sucks. I can totally relate, it's one of my main bugbears, this lack of self esteem issue. Unfortunately I can't counterattack this way of thinking by taking comfort in telling myself 'at least so and so likes me', etc. because I really don't have friends except my ex & my family isn't close.
same here, cbt didnt dent this for me in any sort of permanent way and it only takes one ludicrous moodswing to destroy any progress. bah. i think for me this is the most damaging and strongest effect of sa, it keeps me away from people far more than the actual anxiety part. the paranoia is almost painful.
  #6  
Old 29th January 2007, 18:17
KIK KIK is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

I think that we all have this cross to bear.. its always in the back of our minds 'no one likes me!' and when people say.. I like you.. we cant believe it simply because we have trained our minds to hear only the negative things.. isn't it amazing how bad and negative things are so easy to believe.. yet when someone says someting nice or positive about us its an absolute lie.. I wish it was as simple as training our minds back to taking compliments.. but we are here to sound off on each other.. and be a mental crutch to help each other.. we dont need to lie because there is more harm done in telling a lie... if you need a friend there is one right here waiting to give you support
  #7  
Old 29th January 2007, 18:19
NikNox NikNox is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

Thanks guys for the support - it's fab to know people are so nice and maybe they do like me!!
  #8  
Old 29th January 2007, 18:19
Freespirit Freespirit is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

wow, yeh i can relate to this aswell. It doesnt matter how many times someone might say that they like me or that I am cool etc i simply do not believe them. I think they are just saying that to not offend me. Im so paranoid that people really think i am a **** but they dont say it to my face, instead they discuss it behind my back.

I am not sure how to beat this problem. I still havent really confronted it. Id be interesting to hear anyones advice on this.

Daz
  #9  
Old 29th January 2007, 18:22
scarlet_diva scarlet_diva is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

Quote:
Originally Posted by KIK
I think that we all have this cross to bear.. its always in the back of our minds 'no one likes me!' and when people say.. I like you.. we cant believe it simply because we have trained our minds to hear only the negative things.. isn't it amazing how bad and negative things are so easy to believe.. yet when someone says someting nice or positive about us its an absolute lie.. I wish it was as simple as training our minds back to taking compliments.. but we are here to sound off on each other.. and be a mental crutch to help each other.. we dont need to lie because there is more harm done in telling a lie... if you need a friend there is one right here waiting to give you support
Yep that's absolutely true, ultimately self confidence has to come from within (cliche' or what), because if you have this chronic self-esteem issue then no matter how many people say they adore you & that you're fantastic, you'll still think they're lying or that they feel sorry for you. Even with my ex, I am convinced that he is still hanging around and does so many amazing things for me out of pity, not cos he likes me. Bit pathetic really. If I told him that I'm sure he would be so upset, but it's actually how I really feel.
  #10  
Old 29th January 2007, 23:39
hardy hardy is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

lets be brutally realistic. Chances are most people either like you or at least certainly don't hate you! so you might as well ACT as tho you believe it . Some psychologists say that actions can lead to changing your beliefs so tho it feels totally false it really can work .
  #11  
Old 30th January 2007, 09:04
hoaxer hoaxer is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

hardy,
just to change the subject,i saw you on the comminity channel on sunday as i was channel hopping,talking about your sa,and the shrink from house of agoraphobics was on talking about anxiety .
was you approached through this site or did u volunteer some other way?you came across very well and no shakes!-i couldnt do it med free so congratulations.
if u dont wish to reply here feel free to pm me
cheers
pete
  #12  
Old 30th January 2007, 12:42
hardy hardy is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

Hi pete ,

Yes I got to be on the video via this site. It apears sometimes on the community channel and there is a DVD of it called " pull yourself together" .Fortunately i dont get much performance anxiety so it was ok.

regards
Chris
  #13  
Old 30th January 2007, 13:35
Deaks Deaks is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

To be honest every person with SA should be able to relate to this because the main problem is we are paranoid of people judging and disliking us and we don't value ourselves highly enough. Hense the SA we suffer from.
  #14  
Old 30th January 2007, 21:45
waltdisney waltdisney is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

I find that on a good day i can just about believe that people might think i am ok. Not Mr Popularity or anything. But a good sort. Nice! & how i hate that word. Solid. Dependable. (like a piece of furniture).

Did you ever get the feeling that people only like you because you make good sidekick material. That your mere presence makes them feel good about themselves. Because no matter how bad a day they are having, they only need to look at you to remind themselves that things could be worse.

I can't help feeling that any popularity i might have (as little as it is) is there because i can be the fall guy. The butt of jokes. Shit travels down. If i register so low on the scale of things, then that means someone else is registering high.

I don't entirely believe it. But its a usefull rationale when trying to understand why someone might actually be friendly to you. Anything then to believe it might be sincere i suppose. Anyway, end of rant.
  #15  
Old 30th January 2007, 22:14
LickeyEndBlues LickeyEndBlues is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

My felling is that this is par for the course with SA. Definately something I can relate to big time!!

The stupid thing is I can present as a popular guy but as you know the lonliest place is in a crowded room!!

Take care

Iain
  #16  
Old 3rd February 2007, 23:04
kimzie kimzie is offline
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Default Re: Worrying that no-one likes me

i dont blame ppl not liking me, cos i dont like myself either.

the hard thing is i often feel like god doesnt like me either, cos seldom anything goes well for me, but i always see other ppl around me able to do things smoothly and easily, maybe good luck is not something i should dream of.
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