Afraid of being alone

[Need-to-Change]

I am 48, my mother who I live close to is 76. I don't have anyone else in the world who I feel comfortable with. I was wondering if anyone else is in the same situation as me ...I cant stop worrying what I will do when she is no longer around and I am completely alone.

[thaigreen]

What are you doing to help your situation?

Volunteering? Work colleagues? I'm sure there's people out there that value you

[Need-to-Change]

I work but feel so uncomfortable around people that I never make any friends.

[Zimmerman]

It's not easy as you know. There really is no other choice other than battling these feelings and putting yourself out there. You'll literally be forcing yourself to do things that you don't want to do. These feelings won't last. Eventually, you will adjust. Imagine living your life in a dark cave. Every time you try to leave the cave, the sun overwhelms your eyes and you run back in. You want to be out there but you just don't think you can handle that extreme light hitting you. If you just step out the cave and give it some time, your eyes will adjust and you will see what you've been missing.

I'm sorry for using a metaphor but you really need to put these feelings to one side and get out there and see what happens. Every last one of us in here deserves our day in the sun. But, hey, if it was that easy, we would all be doing it. Good luck to you.

[Need-to-Change]

Thank you Zimmerman, Martin74 and Rufus, I appreciate you all taking the time to reply.

[Angel 123]

Are there any support groups in your area? (check internet or Meetup.com) I've been going to a local group for years now and have made friends there, they're my support network. Also, going to a good therapist has helped me build up strength and resilience, as I have many insecurities about being alone -its twice as hard picking yourself up & meeting people when you've got SA, but please be confident that relationships can happen for you and they will in time, good luck x

[les]

I have posted about being absolutely alone in the past, I don't have any problems being alone, and I am used to not speaking to another living soul for days on end when not working, the thing that truly scares me is being ill, injured or God forbid hospitalised as I have no one to look out for my welfare.

[girlinterrupted]

Yes I can completely relate Need-to-Change. I`m an only child with only my mother left of my family (I`m 37,she`s 68). I have no idea what I`ll do in the future,other than keep trying to improve while I do still have her here to support me and hope for the best. Not helpful advice I know

Originally Posted by les

I have posted about being absolutely alone in the past, I don't have any problems being alone, and I am used to not speaking to another living soul for days on end when not working, the thing that truly scares me is being ill, injured or God forbid hospitalised as I have no one to look out for my welfare.

Yes it`s a terrifying prospect

[raul]

Originally Posted by Zimmerman

It's not easy as you know. There really is no other choice other than battling these feelings and putting yourself out there. You'll literally be forcing yourself to do things that you don't want to do. These feelings won't last. Eventually, you will adjust. Imagine living your life in a dark cave. Every time you try to leave the cave, the sun overwhelms your eyes and you run back in. You want to be out there but you just don't think you can handle that extreme light hitting you. If you just step out the cave and give it some time, your eyes will adjust and you will see what you've been missing.

I'm sorry for using a metaphor but you really need to put these feelings to one side and get out there and see what happens. Every last one of us in here deserves our day in the sun. But, hey, if it was that easy, we would all be doing it. Good luck to you.

Good analogy Zimmer, I like it .

[ithinkiamlost]

I am in the same boat. I am a little younger than you (34) but have no idea what I am going to do when my my Mum dies. She is 70 and even though it is very rare that I ask her for any help when I really needed it a few weeks ago she was there for me.

The only other relative that lives near by is my sister. Unfortunately we very rarely talk and I would find it very hard to ask her for help as she made it very clear that she would only help me if there was no other option. I don't blame her. She has a full time job and children and no matter how hard I try to explain SA to her, she still thinks I am lazy and making it sound worse than it is (she gets very nervous but can fight it and assumes that I can do the same and the reason I don't is laziness).

I think what we need to do is look out for each other. Make sure no one is alone and everyone has someone to talk to. Being alone is a very scary thought, even more so for people with SA.

[mossieman]

I'm ok with being alone but then i could just be used to it by now. I dont really have much outside contact, i see my sister once per week and an old school friend about 4/6 times per year. I dont work anymore as my SA & ME are to bad at the mo and are getting worse due to lack of contact with people but i can also find no reason to push myself in my current mindset. If you are lucky (postcode lottery) you might have a buddy scheme running near you (i don't) which could help, tho they are not always free. Thanks to Esther Rantzen we have silverline to look foward to, so i can't wait to get older so i can chat again

[Silver]

Tbh I worry about the same thing even though Im only 32. My dad will be 70 next year and he is my best friend and quite frankly if something happened to him, I would want to die too as what would be the point in carrying on with no dad, no mum, few friends and no partner

for anyone in this situation

[girlinterrupted]

Originally Posted by Silver

Tbh I worry about the same thing even though Im only 32. My dad will be 70 next year and he is my best friend and quite frankly if something happened to him, I would want to die too as what would be the point in carrying on with no dad, no mum, few friends and no partner

for anyone in this situation

Right back at you Silver I know how you feel,after my Dad died I did say that when anything happened to my mum I would top myself as I truly can`t imagine how I would cope alone. She went so mental at me for that though that maybe it`ll be the thing that stops me from doing it,I dunno. We probably need to set up a SAUK retirement village where we could all hide in our own self-contained flats and never speak or mingle but call on each other in emergencies... *looks around the forum for someone young to be the on-call warden*

[ithinkiamlost]

@girlinterrupted
I could do with living in a SAUK village right now. For some reason I can't deal with the real world and having a place designed for people with SA would be heaven.

[girlinterrupted]

Originally Posted by DownButNotOut

@girlinterrupted
I could do with living in a SAUK village right now. For some reason I can't deal with the real world and having a place designed for people with SA would be heaven.

*sigh* It does sound appealing doesn`t it? Somewhere where between us all we could cover most things I bet -telephone calls,dealing with workmen,pesky visitors. One persons weak point could be anothers strength,and each could help the other...hmm I`m sensing a SAUK commune rather than a village

Someone needs to get onto that *abdicates all responsibility to an unnamed `them/they/someone` as usual*

[northeastsouthwest]

Originally Posted by girlinterrupted

*sigh* It does sound appealing doesn`t it? Somewhere where between us all we could cover most things I bet -telephone calls,dealing with workmen,pesky visitors. One persons weak point could be anothers strength,and each could help the other...hmm I`m sensing a SAUK commune rather than a village

Someone needs to get onto that *abdicates all responsibility to an unnamed `them/they/someone` as usual*

This sauk village sounds amazing! Sign me upppp.

[mossieman]

Hey i want to move to the sauk village to sounds perfect. Can't we start our own comune

[Moksha]

Yes, I can really empathise with you all. I am 37 and my mother is 67. I don't work thanks to SA and have only 3 other people in my life: a schoolfriend (but he is married with two small children and our relationship is strained thanks to SA), my sister (we are close but very different people-and she is married now anyway), and my brother in law (he's OK, but a bit of a tedious oaf). Women come and go but I get bored quickly- plus SA makes anything serious impossible right now...and thanks to depression, anxiety and SA my sex drive is low and weak.

I can't even bear to think about her death. Most people who know me probably believe her death will be the end of me (suicide etc) and they may well be right. What REALLY terrifies me is the thought of getting ill or becoming incapacitated. Who the hell is going to 'be there' for me? I know I haven't the guts to kill myself, and the thought of relying on some random state-employed carer freaks me out. As for an old people's home, well, I would have to try and summon up the courage to overdose on sleeping tablets if it ever comes to that.

[Need-to-Change]

Thank you all for your replies

[goldenjuniper]

Doesn't bother me at all being alone, it was my life goal to get away from my pain in the arse family now I've got my space I'm more than happy with it. Makes a nice change from being woken up by someone screaming at me.