SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > Social Anxiety Discussions > The Social Anxiety Room
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 16th October 2018, 21:33
In_infamy In_infamy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: London
Posts: 88
Default Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Over the last couple of years, I've worked for about 6 different companies. Something or someone will make me anxious within the first few weeks of starting a new job which makes me want to leave ASAP. I also start thinking negative things and making excuses of why I should leave because I HATE working in general (being around people etc). I literally have no idea how people stay for years and years in a company. That would be my dream, even to stay somewhere for one year in the same place.

Now I am in a difficult situation because I have lots of CV gaps, have to keep lying to prospective employers (because I don't want them to contact my previous employer for a reference), and I think it will look weird if I keep moving jobs

Can anyone advise how they stayed so long in a job?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 17th October 2018, 10:25
limey123 limey123 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,731
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Quote:
Originally Posted by A lump of Excrement

I wouldn't recommend working alone and I would encourage you to persevere and try to create an environment where you can be much happier but try not to go down the alone route I did. It's a bit of a catch 22, I've removed my daily anxieties and dread but I now have no friends or work colleagues or any interaction (good or bad) at all during my working life unless I create it.

The reason I started up as a lone wolf one-man band was because I struggled in jobs too. I left a job after 3 days once because my anxiety was too much.

Over the years I've learned things about myself. I do quite well one-on-one and in small groups.
I could have written parts of your post, Lump. I also work alone from home thanks to broadband (though it's not true to say I don't have any friends). I would also not recommend this, as it merely perpetuates your problems. Catch-22, as you said.

I also struggled considerably in an office. But that was over 15 years ago and I might be a bit better now. I've left several temp roles because I couldn't handle either the social or the work. Or someone has said something negative about me and that has sparked a whole shooting-match in my mind that EVERYONE there didn't like me, even when the evidence was telling me different (does anyone else get this?).

I also do much better 1-2-1 or in small groups. The larger the group, the quieter I become, as a general rule of thumb.

I'm also looking to change career but it's proving UTMOST DIFFICULT as I'm stuck in a career rut and I've only not worked for myself by myself for about 2 years. God knows what is going to happen.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 17th October 2018, 13:01
Hackpen Hackpen is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Harrogate
Posts: 305
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

I know what you're saying. I also start to feel ill if I'm around ppl for too long - too much cortisol etc. I've always looked for work that allows me some space while at work. I'm currently driving a tipper truck which really suits me. I have enough ppl contact to keep my social skills from rusting but most of my time I'm alone with the radio
Have you tried agency work? It pays ok and I found I was never in a place long enough to worry why I wasn't making friends at work. Working from home sounds cool ! Does anyone fond that some days you feel you're making progress socially and then another days you seem to be back to square one ?

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 17th October 2018, 17:39
In_infamy In_infamy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: London
Posts: 88
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Thanks for the replies everyone. I actually had wanted to make this thread to hear other people's experiences of struggling to stay in employment. It is nice to know I am not alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hackpen
Does anyone fond that some days you feel you're making progress socially and then another days you seem to be back to square one ?
I tried an agency once before and it was actually very good experience. However I have been applying for a few jobs via agencies recently and have had no luck

Re: quote above, I get this all the time! Some days I am very chatty and some days I am not. I think problem is that I work in an industry where it's almost always open planned office. I am very quiet when there are lots of people around and very chatty when it is quiet.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 17th October 2018, 18:06
Moksha Moksha is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Essex
Posts: 3,607
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Quote:
Originally Posted by A lump of Excrement
I can't offer any advice on how to stay unfortunately, as this is something I've failed with. The job I've been at now for almost 10 years is my own. Working for myself with no human interaction (thanks, or no thanks, to the internet).

If you are like me and you don't want to be like this and you want to be more social and not avoid people, I wouldn't recommend working alone and I would encourage you to persevere and try to create an environment where you can be much happier but try not to go down the alone route I did. It's a bit of a catch 22, I've removed my daily anxieties and dread but I now have no friends or work colleagues or any interaction (good or bad) at all during my working life unless I create it.
Interesting post. Do you mind if I ask what you do? For the last two years I've been working online as well. I began posting articles on a freelance site and someone contacted me asking if I'd like to write for him full time. He runs a health and popular psychology site, and he paid me around £35 per article. In many ways it was idyllic – writing about the very things that interest me (Transhumanism, personality disorders, depression, cancer prevention, etc, etc).

But ...the pay was laughable. I could have pushed myself a bit harder, but I wanted the articles to be good and so took my time. Consequently, I earned around £7,000 a year. Thankfully, I live with my mother and don't have a mortgage or kids or a car.

Also, it ate up all my time and energy. I stopped dating, gave up the boxing class I'd just started, stopped meeting new people...everything.

That said, I do think working from home is great. People shouldn't feel guilty about struggling with offices, etc. Some of us are introverts, some extroverts. That's just the way it is. Introverts find working with others exhausting. And they get less done than when they work from home. With extroverts it's the opposite (extroverts gain energy from being around others, while introverts lose it).
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 17th October 2018, 18:46
michelle06 michelle06 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Northamptonshire
Posts: 413

Mood
Sad

Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

^ Usually other people being horrible and SA people being more sensitive and less able to brush it off.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 17th October 2018, 20:20
Toxic Toxic is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East Yorkshire
Posts: 8,081
Blog Entries: 3

Mood
Alienated

Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Small company

I don't think I could hack it in a large company with the monday morning circle jerk of meetings, officey type environment

Small company is literally the only way I've stayed here for 5 years. They know I'm odd..they know it would be better if the dog answered the phone than me answering it (it took them about 3-4 years to realise me and phones were never meant to be) However for the reasons I'm actually employed, I'm pretty good at it..and a lot of it no one else can do (which is a bastard when I have time off) it does however put me in a bit more of a flexible position, I can generally do what I want (within reason) turn up late/leave early, I have a fair amount of authority, I have keys but I tend not to be the last one there to lock up much anymore now, they just don't really want to rock the boat

I moan about it a lot and the money isnt fantastic but I feel I've probably done alright as I know theres a lot of places I wouldn't last a week.

I'd say the working for yourself/at home would be a good choice but its having a good skill/a decent business idea/start up. I always think I want to do something outside of work for "me" as a side venture so I don't keep coming home, vegging out and having random naps at 9pm ..which I think is fully down to being round people all day - the social interaction knackers me.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 17th October 2018, 21:12
Schmosby Schmosby is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London
Posts: 4,088
Blog Entries: 1

Mood
Relaxed

Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxic
Small company is literally the only way I've stayed here for 5 years. They know I'm odd..they know it would be better if the dog answered the phone than me answering it (it took them about 3-4 years to realise me and phones were never meant to be) However for the reasons I'm actually employed, I'm pretty good at it..and a lot of it no one else can do (which is a bastard when I have time off) it does however put me in a bit more of a flexible position, I can generally do what I want (within reason) turn up late/leave early, I have a fair amount of authority, I have keys but I tend not to be the last one there to lock up much anymore now, they just don't really want to rock the boat
This is the same situation I'm in, good at what I do, reliable and nobody else knows how to do it, so basically do what I want. I also couldn't deal with all that by the book, corporate nonsense. I much prefer small play it by ear kind of business.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 17th October 2018, 21:41
Moksha Moksha is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Essex
Posts: 3,607
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Quote:
Originally Posted by A lump of Excrement
@Moksha I'm a web developer and the pay for this became very good once I was established with a lot of experience and a decent portfolio.
Thanks for the reply Yeah, you are right about the pay. A few weeks ago he emailed me to say he didn't need any more articles and that he was losing traffic, etc. So now I'm kind of stuck. Something like a web developer would suit me just fine. Unfortunately, I'm a complete technophobe and have very little understanding of such things. I studied English literature to MA level, but that is literally all I know about. I have such insanely long gaps on my CV (plus pretty bad SA) that I cannot imagine working anywhere that requires an interview! Working from home and/or working for myself, those are the only realistic options now.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 17th October 2018, 21:58
anewyear anewyear is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 928
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Opposite problem here. I***8217;ve been in the same job (or more specifically, company) for 18 years now! I***8217;m 46. Thing is, I absolutely hate interviews. Every single job (which has only been about 3!) I***8217;ve had since 17 has been one where I***8217;ve known someone who already works there and has ***8220;recommended***8221; me.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 18th October 2018, 07:55
Hackpen Hackpen is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Harrogate
Posts: 305
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Quote:
Originally Posted by In_infamy


I tried an agency once before and it was actually very good experience. However I have been applying for a few jobs via agencies recently and have had no luck

Re: quote above, I get this all the time! Some days I am very chatty and some days I am not. I think problem is that I work in an industry where it's almost always open planned office. I am very quiet when there are lots of people around and very chatty when it is quiet.
Id be terrible in an office environment, i know I'd just retreat into myself. I used to work as an office cleaner, working when most had started/finished work.
I'm also not great with group chat, i can cope one to one.
Good luck

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 18th October 2018, 10:12
limey123 limey123 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,731
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
I studied English literature to MA level, but that is literally all I know about.
I can say the same, except my MA is in Scandinavian Studies - even more useful!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 18th October 2018, 10:16
limey123 limey123 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,731
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Quote:
Originally Posted by A lump of Excrement
@limey123 I know how difficult it is to change careers, what are you thinking of moving onto?
Hopefully an editorial role of some kind, since I work with languages (currently am a translator/proofreader).
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 18th October 2018, 15:49
Moksha Moksha is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Essex
Posts: 3,607
Default Re: Having difficulty staying in a job/employment

Quote:
Originally Posted by limey123
I can say the same, except my MA is in Scandinavian Studies - even more useful!
...from one useless person to another!! (what you studied does sound interesting though...was that the literature as well as the languages?)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 05:37.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.