3 years of confidence building falling apart in 3 days

[Nasher]

I recently graduated from university, where over 3 years I managed to build confidence and self reliance. I had a great time there, found new friends and hobbies, which was difficult for me because I've always had SA, and shortly before starting uni I had a pretty serious breakdown which nearly cost me my A-levels. I was so proud of how far I had come, and recently started a new job, which I was thrilled about - until I started, which is where it all feel apart.

I struggled to learn what was needed, and found that a large part of the job involved using a telephone, which has always been a major problem for me with SA. The training hasn't been sufficient to make me comfortable in the job, and now after only 3 days, I've fallen apart again and dread waking up, because I am miserable and worry about the job and my own inability to deal with reality every waking moment.
How can I rebuild those years of work when they've been so easily broken? What can I do? I need a job to earn money, but money isn't worth much when I'm anxious and miserable all of the time.

[Amber Fyre]

Those years of hard work haven't disappeared, you haven't necessarily gone backwards. The truth is starting a new job is extremely stressful for anyone and the first few days are always so difficult. I always feel in the first week that I won't be able to cope and it is too much and I just want to run away. It is overwhelming. You need to give it some more time until you feel a bit more settled. After three days in a new job I'm always a state!

Using the telephone will get easier the more you do it, maybe this could be a good chance to push yourself and it could help you overcome your fears. At first it will be horrible though don't be scared to ask for additional training.

Anyway I hope you settle into the job and feel better soon

[Clockface]

Sorry to hear you're going through this Nasher. I went through a very similar experience when I started my first job after uni. I didn't enjoy my 2nd and 3rd years at uni due to SA and so thought that leaving there and starting my working life would make me feel like a different person. Alas though, it didn't, as my lack of development during my childhood due to SA started to show through and because SA was causing to be quiet in the office I just got made to feel bad. People refused to talk to me and made feel like I was 5 years old. A distressing experience to say the least.

Well done to you for the confidence you built up at uni. As Amber rightly says starting a new job is stressful so you will naturally not feel confident in the first few weeks or so. The fact that you are using the telephone as part of your job, and in the real world, is a massive step up from being a university student so it is expected, certainly from a fellow SAers perspective, that you will find this daunting but again as Amber says with practice this is likely to become easier.

Hope you start to feel better soon

[tomlpool]

Originally Posted by Nasher

I recently graduated from university, where over 3 years I managed to build confidence and self reliance. I had a great time there, found new friends and hobbies, which was difficult for me because I've always had SA, and shortly before starting uni I had a pretty serious breakdown which nearly cost me my A-levels. I was so proud of how far I had come, and recently started a new job, which I was thrilled about - until I started, which is where it all feel apart.

I struggled to learn what was needed, and found that a large part of the job involved using a telephone, which has always been a major problem for me with SA. The training hasn't been sufficient to make me comfortable in the job, and now after only 3 days, I've fallen apart again and dread waking up, because I am miserable and worry about the job and my own inability to deal with reality every waking moment.
How can I rebuild those years of work when they've been so easily broken? What can I do? I need a job to earn money, but money isn't worth much when I'm anxious and miserable all of the time.

Sounds like your being way too hard on your self and going way over the top, most people find they struggle to find their feet first few weeks into a new job.
Have you tried CBT before? If not I'd try having a go at the simple self administered 3 column technique, where first column is negative thoughts, second is cognitive distrortions, which in your case looks like catastrophising, black and white thinking, mental filter, disqualifying the positive and predicting the future in a negative way.
3rd column is rational thoughts where you look at your bleak thoughts not in a illusory positive way, but in a rational way, like what you think a good friend would say to you, try and get to what the ACTUAL truth is.

http://www.psychologytools.org/downl...orksheets.html

Print off the unhelpful thinking styles sheet and the simple thought record sheet but change the 3 columns to the ones i suggested.

Just a suggestion but I think if you give this ago it will help lift the mental fog, either way best of luck.

[Tom123]

Your story is really very, very similar to mine. When I started in my job, just over a year ago now, I was terrified by the phone. I would spend half the day hoping it wouldn't ring and would try and avoid answering it by pretending to do other things, it was horrible and I really found the first few months really quite hard.

These days, however, things are much better. I've dealt with most of the requests, complaints and questions many times now so I'm prepared and can pretty much give a stock response. The phone becomes easier the more you do it. I still mess up, stutter and say stupid things but the more confident you become, the easier it is to gloss over those mistakes.

I think you need to ask for help, be it from other colleagues or your boss. I found people were quite willing to help me out when I first started and I felt far more relaxed when I had an idea of what I was supposed to be doing. I think most people find working in a new environment scary and uncomfortable and your expected to make mistakes are first. I think, and I'm sure many would disagree, that's it's worth persevering with it. Yes, there's a chance it may not get any better but there's also a chance you will figure out a way to get through it and reach a level where you are happy and comfortable while overcoming some deep rooted fears.

You've done a lot of really good things recently and I hope you find a way to beat these feelings.

[at_work]

I think you could practice talking on the phone with friends and family of you are allowed to at work. This makes it easier as you know who you are talking to. You kind of have to avoid the thoughts that others will be listening around you and appear confident on the phone.