24 hours

[Rick Sanchez]

I'd say I've had the most important 24 hours in my life. I've thought long and hard about life, my actions and what I need to do; my flaws, my weaknesses and all the other things that circle my mind. I've gone from wanting to jump off a bridge and end my life as I saw myself as a pathetic individual who's mere existence is a waste of time and air, (this was last night), to facing my weaknesses and myself, standing up to them and wanting to be a better person. I can't end my life when I have so much potential ahead of me.

I think the potential to change and better ourselves is a gift, and we all have that potential! It stares us in the face, but we are blind! It yells at us to see what's real, and not this distorted perception of what we see, but we are deaf! Today, at the train station, I felt it - the realisation that a) I have no reason to be afraid; no-ones watching me, no-ones judging me - I should have no fear of this, and b) I have the potential to sooner-or-later realise this for good and realise that I have the potential to do this! All you have to do is see it.

I feel amazing! And you all can too.

Please help yourselves, as life isn't living if it's full of fear, so face them!

[Lostboy]

Originally Posted by Godfather

I feel amazing! And you all can too.

Please help yourselves, as life isn't living if it's full of fear, so face them!

Good for you! Glad you decided not to jump. You're a nice guy and would definately have been missed. I guess sometimes we have to be at our worst before we see with any clarity that things can only get better. I'm sure we've all had times like those.

[Innervision]

Great post, Goddy. It sounds like you've had something of a moment of clarity. After having a similar awakening myself some 5 years ago I think you are on the right track.

I've said this so often, but I believe it's true - the answers are mostly inside us, not outside. You appear to have discovered what was inside all along.

[scarlet_diva]

Great news Goddy that you are feeling this newfound confidence. Tis true that people generally don't give a toss about anyone else (strangers that is) or are indeed as judgemental as we believe, but we forget that all too often.
Best of luck going forward Goddy I hope you don't feel as down as you did today ever again; you have so much going for you mate !!

[W!llow]

That's great Goddy. Sometimes in our lowest moments we see things with greater clarity and it can move us to want to change.

Just for you..

[Rick Sanchez]

Thank you for the replies. I was very emotional last night so I really wanted to just come out with it, so sorry if it sounds a bit corny , but it is true, nonetheless. We all have the capacity to change.

I think 'moment of clarity' is how it was best described, yeah. It was a moment, and everything just seemed to make sense. At that time I didn't feel any fear, and it felt amazing.

Anyway, today I'm having an appointment so the specialists I'll be seeing can suggest treatment options for my SA. I want CBT, as I also need to get over other problems that it will help, too.

Kick arse guys, it's the only way .

[Rick Sanchez]

Woo! I went to the psychiatrist this morning and we discussed a few things. She agreed that CBT is the best form of treatment for me.

Feeling pretty cool at the moment.

EDIT: I would like to mention that I was considering jumping. I wasn't standing on there with my arms out ready to do it or anything, but was thinking how I'd like to do it. Standing there, looking at it, etc. I was thinking too hard about my family, how I might survive etc, so I knew I wasn't going to do it before I got there, sort of. I was testing myself, maybe.

Ah, I dunno. It's hard to explain.

[marbles]

i think i know what you mean. you know how long you'll have to wait for cbt? good on ya by the way

[Rick Sanchez]

Originally Posted by marbles

i think i know what you mean. you know how long you'll have to wait for cbt? good on ya by the way

Well, the waiting list can be 6-9 months. Depends on where you live, too. I'll know for sure next week I think.

Anyway, thanks.

[Andist]

Excellent stuff!!!

Goddy is the "Ace Face" on this board.

I hope we can all follow suit!

Congrats Mr G Father!!!

[Concrete_83]

You can do CBT by yourself, if waiting a long time doesn't sound too great. I mean, definitely book it and go through with it, but also look into it on your own. There are books and the NHS has approved 2 computer programs that you can use, can't see why there would be a waiting list for those.

[Rick Sanchez]

^Yeah, and I'm going to by the self-help book she recommended. It teaches CBT techniques. The PC programs sound interesting, also...

And cheers, Andist.

Originally Posted by MasterCaster

I don't like being the thorn in the paw. But moments of clarity are just that, moments. My fundamental truths change from day to day about certain thing's, but nothing can change the view I have of myself now, that's not something you can just reach, you have to suffer for it.

Yes, it was just a moment, and soon after, the anxiety came back and all that. But it was hugely significant in me realising how I must combat this, and I feel as if I have a new outlook on life, really.

Of course, it will be difficult, but nothing worth doing isn't.

[Amber Fyre]

Moments of clarity can be great. Whilst they are only moments, they can lead to long-term change. It's in moments such as this that I've decided to change the way I do things/think about things, and some of them have really stuck with me.

Anyway, it sounds like you've used this moment as a way of helping yourself and trying to get in control of things I hope the CBT goes well. 6-9 months is a terrible waiting period though

[Rick Sanchez]

Thank you amber .

[Innervision]

Originally Posted by MasterCaster

I don't like being the thorn in the paw. But moments of clarity are just that, moments. My fundamental truths change from day to day about certain thing's, but nothing can change the view I have of myself now, that's not something you can just reach, you have to suffer for it.

You do, of course, make a very valid point.

In my own experience much of my change has grown gradually and out of making mistakes and learning from, then moving on from, those experiences.

Moments of clarity can be the start of big things or yet another false dawn. This depends on what we do with those moments. Do we act on them or just let them wither away? If we act, we can make fundamental changes that have far-reaching effects. If we sit back and admire the moment but do nothing with what it was telling us, nothing will change.

In my own case it was a moment of clarity regarding me finally seeing that I could alter my life by altering my thoughts and perceptions that finally led me to looking up CBT and suchlike. That moment of clarity helped me identify a route I could take in order to help myself. It put me on the right track, and 5 years later my life is unrecognisable.

Those moments of clarity, just like all our life experiences, can only help us if we actually work with them and do something. If we use them wisely, these moments can be ultimately life-changing.

Goddy, I wish you all the best. I've always had a real soft-spot for you, and I really want you to succeed.

[Rick Sanchez]

Originally Posted by Innervision

You do, of course, make a very valid point.

In my own experience much of my change has grown gradually and out of making mistakes and learning from, then moving on from, those experiences.

Moments of clarity can be the start of big things or yet another false dawn. This depends on what we do with those moments. Do we act on them or just let them wither away? If we act, we can make fundamental changes that have far-reaching effects. If we sit back and admire the moment but do nothing with what it was telling us, nothing will change.

In my own case it was a moment of clarity regarding me finally seeing that I could alter my life by altering my thoughts and perceptions that finally led me to looking up CBT and suchlike. That moment of clarity helped me identify a route I could take in order to help myself. It put me on the right track, and 5 years later my life is unrecognisable.

Those moments of clarity, just like all our life experiences, can only help us if we actually work with them and do something. If we use them wisely, these moments can be ultimately life-changing.

Exactly, Inner. And I'm choosing to act upon it, and have. Although I'm still suffering the same anxiety now as before that experience, I now have a newly-instated determination to help myself and get over these silly fears. I had determination before, but didn't really feel the significance of changing in the same way I do now, if you know what I mean?

Goddy, I wish you all the best. I've always had a real soft-spot for you, and I really want you to succeed.

Thank you, Inner.

[Paul S.]

yay well done Godfather.

[Rick Sanchez]

Thank you Paul.

[Pal]

Originally Posted by Grytpype

You can do CBT by yourself, if waiting a long time doesn't sound too great. I mean, definitely book it and go through with it, but also look into it on your own. There are books and the NHS has approved 2 computer programs that you can use, can't see why there would be a waiting list for those.

Computer programs? *looks interested*

[Rick Sanchez]

Gracias, QuietGirl!

[rockaction]

I thought it was worth mentioning that the computerised CBT has a much higher succes rate with social anxiety sufferers than normal CBT. Or at least according to Uni Physchology!

[Concrete_83]

Originally Posted by Pal

Computer programs? *looks interested*

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealt...altherapy.aspx

If you scroll down to where it says: What does CBT involve?

It mentions the programs.

[Jessabel]

Congrats on your breakthrough Godfather! Hope it all works out well for you!

Just to say that Grytype's link also mentions 'MoodGym' which is an aussie, free access CBT type program on the web. Ive only got part way through (Im a lazy sod!) but it all seems good, and is aimed at anxiety. I think they also try to tailor it to your age group and lifestyle which is sweet. Anyway, give it a go!