The return of the paranoia

[Holz]

Sorry I haven't posted here in a while, I've been busy with uni and things. What better way to break a silence than a rant, hey? I'll try to keep this brief, I just don't feel like I can talk about it with other people really, so here I am.

Since I started uni in October, I genuinely felt like I was improving a bit. I thought I had a group of people I could talk to, spend the stupidly long break with, and honestly thought I was becoming more confident. Then I don't really know what happened, it just kind of went. Maybe it was having the week off for half term, I honestly don't know what it was.

Rather than getting the train in like I used to, I now get a lift in with another girl, Terri, on my course, and I pay half the petrol money. Saves us both money and I don't have to get a stupidly early train - result. This is the same girl who, along with somebody else, Kat, I got on well with on the induction and on the first day. I guess my mistake was made right there in the way that maybe I kind of 'latched onto them' a bit too much.

Unfortunately, I ended up in a different 'peer group' to them (the 20 of us are divided into 2 groups of 10 with whom we spend 3/4 of the time, in personal development, roleplays etc), but I didn't think it was a huge issue to start with. I'd arrive with Terri, we got on, so it seemed fine to me to 'tag along' in the 2 hour lunch break. Then they got friendly with another 2 girls who are in their peer group, about the same age, and I think that's when the problems started, although not that's it in any way their fault, directly. It's just that for whatever reason, maybe because I was worried they didn't like me, that's when the paranoia set in.

Then last thursday, I was feeling really worried and paranoid already to be fair, and various comments about their group stuff and things they'd discussed in said groups had made me wonder if perhaps I was a bit in the way, being the only one not in thier peer group, if I'm making sense. Then Kat asked me something like "Who do you get on with best in your group?" and whether I'd prefer to be in their group, followed by an aren't-we-so-fabulous joke. Now I honestly don't know whether there was any underlying malice in her comment, or whether she was merely asking out of interest, but the paranoid idiot in me immediately read that as 'they don't want me hanging round with them. They think I'm stupid and clingy that I'm not with other people' etc etc, you know the feelings I'm sure. I tried to disguise it but one of them later saw I was upset and asked me what was wrong, and I eventually just responded with something about being paranoid. This in itself didn't help because I was advized to discuss in my peer group, which again I took as a hint!

So then today (I don't see them on a friday other than Terri, and I'm only in thursdays and fridays) I told myself I was going to distance myself from them a bit, because in my head that was what they wanted me to do anyway. I needed to work on a presentation with someone in my group anyway, and afterwards I sat in the canteen with her and some others in my group. Unfortunately Terri and co were sat at the table behind us, and I felt really awkward. Because I was sat on their table after the break, I heard them talking about going to a club or something one night in the week. As much as I fully understand that they'll be closer because of the groups thing, and even though I hadn't even really spoken to them that day, I still managed to feel really crap about it. So now I really don't know HOW to react to them. One of the girls just commented my facebook status asking if I'm ok because she's noticed I've been down the last few weeks, so maybe she does like me after all. But.. argh, it's so confusing.

It doesn't really help that as lovely as my group are, I'm finding it a bit hard to really get close enough to anyone, so I feel rejected and iscolated there as well.

And this was supposed to be my big turning point, my last proper chance to overcome my social demons and make some friends like a normal person. I'm just screwing it up like I've done all my life. I think half of this is frustration at myself because I honestly don't know why I've taken two huge steps back in the last few weeks, just as I was starting to think I'd be ok.

...So much for a short rant, sorry!

[Optimistic]

Well congrats on progressing. Setbacks are a sign of progress, since you can't go back if you didn't go forward. Its just that you have two different ways of thinking and something triggered your old way.

Try not to pressure yourself too much. University isn't your last chance to overcome your social demons (otherwise I'm screwed )

Was there anything you were working on that helped you progress or did it just happen? If you were working on something, maybe have a little look over it.

I know its not easy, but try to see their comments rationally and not try just the possible negative. From what you wrote they seem to like you and the girl sent the facebook msg to check to see if you're ok. That's quite nice isn't it

Anyway, I know I haven't really explained how to get better but I guess that's like... how do you solve SA... but keep working on it. No matter what happens you'll be fine. Just try to relax, calm down and everything will be ok.

[bakerosaurus]

hey!

Yeh I'd echo what 'Optimistic' said. It looks like you just had a paranoid day which then has caused an influx of negative thoughts. You've started to focus on finding out if the girls like you or not and then taken stuff like them not inviting you to a club as a rejection. It doesn't sound at all like they are avoiding you or giving you hints I have too say, more the oposite as they included you in convosation asking you who you liked the best etc. The club thing could just want to go out together, assumed you didn't want to go, didn't think to ask if you wanted to go, there out seeing a DJ they previously talked about seeing etc..hundreds of possibilities. Focusing on this kind of stuff will just drive you mental, I tend to circle thoughts like this myself and try to 'workout' what people are thinking and then react. The best thing ive found to do it the opposite and just continue as normal, ignore anything you percive as negative and focus on the positive such as the facebook comment. Avoiding them, which you mention, will not help you at all, as you will distance yourself from them and become more 'outside' the group and they will develop stronger relationships with other people. This has happend to me before and I saw it in the way that my original thoughts had been correct. This was obviously untrue and my avoidance had actually caused there to become no friendship.

Realisticly I wouldn't put a lot of pressure on that perticular relationship either, it may or may not work out like any friendship so don't worry so muc if you end up not hanging around with them. That doesn't mean they don't like you!!

[Blumoon]

Don't worry bout that, at least you got in and found a group etc. I'd just be alone.

[Holz]

Thanks for the replies, sorry it took me so long to reply, I read them last week when I had free internet on my phone, but forgot to reply!
Anyway. I probably am just being paranoid, but I can see their point if they are thinking what I'm imagining them to be thinking, so I've decided that as I need to do some shopping at some point anyway, I'm gonna do that in the long break on thursday rather than 'tag along' with anyone, just because.
I think I need to avoid the focus on any particular group and just try to go with it as much as is possible really. At least that's the plan!