Did your parents "baby" you as a kid?

[Chair]

I think some people become reclusive as a result of being "babied" as kids/teenagers.

I was "babied" as a kid. If I wasn't, I perhaps wouldn't be living the life as a shut-in today.

When I was young, my mom wouldn't let me or my siblings do anything. We were always told "don't do this" and "don't do that" when it came to everything. As a result, we became frightened to do things, thinking we'd mess up, so we didn't attempt to do things at all. We weren't taught how to do much, and as a result, had low confidence.

My sister firmly believes that me and my brother are shut-ins due to the way my mom raised us. She thinks that she would have been the same way had she not left home at such a young age. Sadly, I think she may be right. I envy my sister - I wish I would have had the courage to leave home at sixteen years old, it could have "saved" me.

I get angry at times when I think about how my mom raised us. I feel that I missed a lot as a kid, and I'm very certain that the way she raised us had a profound impact on all of us. The anxiety and fear I experience today could be partially due to being scarred as a kid.

I can't stand my mom. I don't hate her, but I can't stand her at all. I won't say that she's an awful person - perhaps she doesn't realize that she raised us improperly. I just really wish that she would have let us experience things. Me and my siblings were very frightened as kids due to not being allowed to do anything kids are supposed to do. She certainly wasn't fit to have kids, that's for sure.

If you have something to share, please do so.

[Lone Dog]

I know what you are talking about. My Mum was over-protective, so I never got the confidence you get from trying things and being successful. I think you have to give children the chance to fail, but encourage them to try and praise them if they succeed. You have to support them, not just shield them from everything, suppress them and keep them in an invisible cage.

[seanITG]

I have been thinking about this for some time... my mum took a job at the playgroup when she took us there in our youngest years.... and I remember since then, there always was a big dependence.
I remember when we used to get lost as a kid, even though she was probably around the corner or something, my brother and I would have had a panic attack... well we sort of did. This really isolated us from groups like scouts, youth club and anything social really.

I managed to leave when I was 18, but my brother still lives there now... he's 27 this year. Even leaving at 18, there is no dependence anymore at all, but the social events we missed out on really effected us. Because we grew up in a small village, we knew the same people up until leaving A-Level at 18, so it was really in uni that making friends was a new thing that was really challenging and alien-like.

[karl-32]

no i wasn't. quite the opposite in fact . i was neglected and cast out

[sjsuk]

No, I never was babied.

I was the middle child. I was the one people came to for advice, and to mediate.

[danielv]

hmmmm, have to disagree with the OP. I know people who were babied / molly coddled / over protected and once they reachd 18 went wild and crazy to overcompensate.

What your expericening is the "elephant strings" phenomenom. When an elephant is a baby in a zoo or a circus, they use a length of cordage or rope to stop it wandering outside the pen (they're too weak to break it), once they reach adulthood, the owners can use the same size of rope to control the elephant even though it could easily break it if it wanted too, it just doesnt realise its much stronger than it was when it was a child.
The same thing happens to humans too. If you were taught something to keep you safe as a child, you subconciosuly think it still applies into adulthood, you dont realise you can easily break the string if you want to.....

http://www.myfirstchurch.com/elephant-strings

[chrissy coleman]

I completely agree with the OP- my dad over-protected me my entire life, he brought me up to think that everything in the world is dangerous, nothing and noone is safe etc- i went abit wild during my teens-then i got sa at 15 and depended on him for everything, taking me places etc. Even now, when he starts being negative about anything, i feel like i hate him- my brothers the opposite, i think coz he never gave a *hit what my dad said or thought. But yea, when i think about the ways he has psychologically effected me, i really feel like i hate him.

[Phaedra]

Originally Posted by karl-31

no i wasn't. quite the opposite in fact . i was neglected and cast out

Same.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

They spoilt me because I'm an only child but I would'nt say "babied" me, no.

I wish they woud have been more hard arsed with me and that woudl have made me stronger.

But then again there are people in this thread who say they had nothign from their parents and they are fecked up too.

Depends on the individual really.

[custardcreams]

oh god, no. if anything i felt inadequate in my parent's eyes as i wasn't out hiking up everest or sky diving in my spare time.

[EHan1]

my parents didnt baby me as a kid. my dad just put me down a lot and my mum just used to stand on the sidelines and watch. I think how my dad treated me caused me to have SA issues. However, I still love my parents, i just dont like them very much. I cannot feel affection towards them really. If my mum tries to hug me i tend to flinch.
I havent told my dad how his treatment of me affected me later in life as i dont see any point. Its a bit too late now. But if he did know i know he would be mortified and extremely regretful.
I think some parents are just not aware that how they bring up kids can affect them for the rest of their lifes.

[mossieman]

i have to say no to this one, in fact my parents did'nt want me and would have got rid if not for my nan & grandad. i was 7yrs when they got divorced and again neither wanted me so i ended up living with my nan.

[graham2]

YES, definitely. Especially my mum.

[Ant]

Yeah, my mum was quite over-protective of me.

[Loner000]

My mum was really overprotective of me. She wouldn't ever let me go to the shop on my own incase I got kiddie-snatched.

My grandmother was a Christian as well, so naturally for her, the world was too dangerous a place for a child. She once told me something along the lines of; "Don't ever leave the house or the big bad monster-man will tear your ****ing heart out".

So you can see the root of the problem..

[Optimistic]

Yes, out of kindness. Parents do the best they can. It can't be easy.

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

No, The total opposite infact.

I, being the youngest of 3 was 'protected' to a certain extent by my dad (he was a single parent) But by no means was I 'babied' I was cooking and cleaning by the age of my youngest daughter (7). I had duties and thats what I did as did my brother and sister, Just the way it was...

My daughters however don't even know their born half the time, I don't baby them I just have it ready programmed in me to do everything...That aside kids don't actually get a chance to be kids nower days...So whereas I may 'mother' them to an extent neither one is 'babied'. Just spoilt!
Their both very clued up and out going...And frightenly wise beyond their years.

[ShyDoll]

I was babied, I feel. And I think this is why I am the way I am sometimes. But I don't blame my mum for it. She just did what she thought was right.
My mum was never really strict. My dad was but my mum would tell him not to shout at me most the time.

[Pink*Lady]

I wasn't babied as such but more overprotected from the "real" world. I have a sibling with special needs and I think that perhaps this made my parents become more protective towards me and my siblings because of this.

[far]

A definite yes here too. Again, especially my mum. It was probably done out of love but I feel it's a big contributor to my social anxiety.

[black_mamba]

No I was neglected a lot, hardly ever spoken to or taught anything.

[PcPlum]

I dont think being babied as achild causes sa as such i think its how your upbringing affects you as an individual. i think an unbalance upbringing can contribute to sa i.e. over protectivness, neglect. Its probably got a lot to do with your personality as a few children with the same upbringing can turn out differently. Parents that overly praise or overly berate could also leave there children vulnerable to sa. i think its all about happy mediums