Breaking up is hard to do

[Noddy]

I've been in a relationship for around 5 years and frankly whilst there are still more good days than bad the ratio is literally around 50:50 partly due to her alcohol dependance. I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life like this but also realise that with my age and SA I may be consigning myself to a life of loneliness by ending this relationship. On the other hand that prospect doesn't seem totally unattractive right now. Can anyone who has been through anything similar offer any advice? There are no kids.

[CyprusPluto]

Originally Posted by Noddy

I've been in a relationship for around 5 years and frankly whilst there are still more good days than bad the ratio is literally around 50:50 partly due to her alcohol dependance. I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life like this but also realise that with my age and SA I may be consigning myself to a life of loneliness by ending this relationship. On the other hand that prospect doesn't seem totally unattractive right now. Can anyone who has been through anything similar offer any advice? There are no kids.

I was in a 10 year relationship when on 29 Feb she asked me to marry her. To cut a long story short we didn't get married and she left me 2 months later.

She wasn't an alcoholic or anything; some would say it was a 'normal' relationship. There were no kids involved.

It was hard at first and to be honest lonely, but after quite a while I got through it and looking back now realise it was the best thing for me and probably her. Being made to feel lonely by someone you're with is far worse than the loneliness you feel by being on your own

[Noddy]

Thanks for sharing an interesting perspective CyprusPluto.

woof, I'm happy for you that you got out.

Mine has sought help of the holistic rather than specific alcohol dependency type and I've not noticed much improvement. It always starts with her saying she is just going to have a couple of glasses of wine and ends with her drinking a bottle or two plus some gin or whatever else she has hidden then she calls a cab and disappears into the night to go clubbing. With my SA I can't join her so I feel partly to blame for not giving her the excitement she wants. Then at some time in the night she will return, perhaps leaving the front door wide open as she removes her clothes en route to the bedroom to pass out.

Generally she's totally annoying when drunk, smoking indoors which I hate, getting depressed and emotional. But a smelly, slurring, nonsense speaking drunk is not what I signed up for and we often argue. I can't relax for a second when she is drunk because I know sooner or later she'll start saying horrible things and we'll argue. I end up in the spare room with the door barred.

It is depressing but when she is sober she is lovely.

She has gone away to work so I have a break for a week or two. It's marvellous. Normally she is drunk 3 times a week.