"Prove it"

[jsw]

I've been thinking a little more about how to help to get myself out of my situation and, specifically, to try to help my SA. I can't do the whole thing myself, of course, but changing how I think and reflect is a good place to start.

There was a time when I didn't have SA in such a deeply-held, all-encompassing way. I had other issues as I always have, but I used to be an approachable and fairly easy-going person to whom being with people was almost addictive - I loved being around them, organising nights out and the like. But, that was a long time ago. Much has happened since.

What I have been thinking in terms of helping myself is to try to answer myself with "Prove it":

• - If I have been able to approach and talk with people in the past, then I need to prove it (by doing it now).
• - If I have been able to manage and develop friendships then I need to prove it (by doing it again).

... that sort of thing. Of course, I have a different and hopefully more mature outlook than when I was more sociable - hopefully less naive and more able to manage myself as well as my relationship with others.

But, it seems like an interesting and from my own perspective, quite bold step to take. It's also quite motivational - "proving it".

I was wondering if anyone else has gone through similar cycles. Either way, I will let you know how I get on...

[PussyRiot]

Yes, very similar with me too. I used to say that I got my 'nourishment' from other people and also enjoyed communal type situations and would actively go out of my way to seek company. Strange really because after living in shared houses I was so keen to get my own place, but when I did my confidence and happiness just nose dived. It is a real enigma to me. On the one hand my default setting is 'hermit' and yet what is healthy and desirable for me is the opposite. This does not really add anything to your thread, but I have gone through these cycles too. I would be interested to find out how you get on though.

[jsw]

Thanks for

Originally Posted by PussyRiot

On the one hand my default setting is 'hermit' and yet what is healthy and desirable for me is the opposite.

Yeah, I totally identify with that. Hopefully I'll be able to keep with this "Prove it" idea for a while. Will report back with findings :-)

[Progress]

I feel a similar way. There are a lot of things I don't do due to fear that I used to do fairly easily. It's mainly due to the way failure (or perceived failure) and loss affect my confidence - I don't deal with them too well. When I have some successes I get very confident. I swing from positive to negative a lot at the moment and constantly tell myself that if I keep plugging at it then good things will happen in the future - it's so vital to keep thinking positive I find, but not always easy.

Originally Posted by PussyRiot

On the one hand my default setting is 'hermit' and yet what is healthy and desirable for me is the opposite.

Exactly me too.

[jsw]

Originally Posted by Progress

I feel a similar way. There are a lot of things I don't do due to fear that I used to do fairly easily. It's mainly due to the way failure (or perceived failure) and loss affect my confidence - I don't deal with them too well. When I have some successes I get very confident.

Have you tried reading "Feel the fear, do it anyway"? I read it many years ago and found it, at the time, rather helpful.

[jsw]

Originally Posted by Riccip

Y'know, you don't really have anything to 'prove'. Especially to yourself. I understand the thinking and the intention to be more motivated. The only problem I can see is that it may lead to setting difficult or impossible goals. Given our perfectionist nature we don't easily accept failure, or the positive contribution failure can make. Push yourself too hard and you will only prove that you can't 'do it', or at least you will perceive it that way. Be gentle on yourself, slow and steady wins the race.

That's brilliant! :-)

You're absolutely right. I have nothing to prove - except to myself. Thankfully, that's what the intention is - ie I have been more social in the past, so it's up to me to "prove" myself that I can be social again. Whether others want to socialise with me is, I guess, part of the experience.

I'll definitely try to head off any "perfectionist" thoughts, or thoughts that "this idea isn't working out". It will take a lot of patience...

[Progress]

^^ Thanks, I'll take a look.
Similar to you, all the things I want to do, I've done before. It's just a question of banishing the jaded negative thinker in me.

[jsw]

^^ Rob, that is just fantastic. Thank you. I think that I might print out your post and frame it.

[jsw]

Thanks Rob and you're quite right. I need to persevere but also take my time. I don't want to "overdo it" and try to be (what people might perceive to be) a different person and put them off. Slowly and surely.

Thanks again - it's really very much appreciated.