Really fed up

[Aimz]

So it's bank holiday and I have literally done nothing. But at the same time I don't feel motivated to do anything and I always end up feeling overwhelmed by all the different things there are to do.
I literally have no one to go out with other than my bf.
I have only got probably 2 (occasional friends I would call them) one I just go out with every now and then but very rarely. Another of these people used to be in touch all the time and we met up a couple of times before Xmas but since then that person has just not bothered. They kept saying how we should meet up again but then I would just never get a response. We would still message every now and then about a TV show we are both watching but now it's like I am the only one bothering and not even getting replies now so I don't even see why I should bother if they aren't.
It seems I just work in the week and thats the only interaction/social activity I get and that's more just because I "have to".
Facebook just utterly depresses me but I keep it as there are some ppl/family I like to keep on my radar as I don't see them much. I am constantly anxious over posting stuff on there so I end up not bothering. When I do pluck up the courage to I get either 0 likes, or just 1 from the same person. I don't know why I care as it's not genuine to get "validation" over Facebook. Yet for some reason I put too much emphasis on it and let it get me down.
I suppose as I don't even look at the newsfeed on fb it means I don't "like" anyone's posts etc so therefore they ignore mine. But it's just very petty how ppl constantly post selfies of themselves everyday and get like 50 likes and then I finally pluck up the courage to post one pic even after agonising over doing so and feeling paranoid about how I look etc....and I get nothing on there. I know this is stupid....it shouldn't bother me as it's very superficial etc and that if I like a pic I should post it regardless of "likes" etc.....
I have found that throughout my life with regards to so called "friends" it's the same story over and over.....I have had the odd group of ppl I have hung with every now and again but they have always made plans and stuck together and I have ended up being left out of the loop. I will get on with the odd couple of ppl within the group but ultimately I have again been the one making the effort to stay in touch but they haven't.
My bf doesn't have a solid friend group which makes it even worse as it means we don't socialise. At least if he did then we could go out with them.
I need a hobby or something that puts me in a situation where I can meet a whole new set of people who are more reliable.
I get on with men better I find. It's not because I don't like girls, but I seem to like a lot of stuff that blokes like whereas a lot of girls will be into stuff I hate like reality TV nonsense like Towie etc.....and for some reason I have had a lot of experiences with girls where they will be stand offish with me. Or even if they aren't and we do click.....they turn at some point and suddenly aren't as warm to me.....I have no idea why but it has given me a complex.
The anxiety really doesn't help. The idea of even going out drains me......I don't have a car so I feel trapped, yet I am far too anxious to drive.
I came off the mirt as I don't want to always be on meds, but then I don't know if I should go back on something but my doc's waiting list is ridiculous.
Sorry.....just feeling ugh and wanted to have a massive rant.
Anyone feel exactly like this?

[pAuL1974]

For many years, I'd spent most of the time feeling drained and overwhelmed.

Last summer I joined a tennis club and have forced myself to play two to three times most weeks. It was a struggle at first, and something I'd wanted to do for many years but had continually put it off. Anyway, the exercise and my improved fitness has significantly helped improve the way I feel. Feelings of being drained and overwhelmed are much reduced, and now mainly down to work.

Are there any sports you are interested in playing and local clubs to join? Joining a club itself can be daunting, and SA and related confidence issues have hindered me with the social side of the tennis club, but I am in a better position than I was when I joined.

When you're feeling drained, motivation to exercise can be difficult, but the benefits on general health are proven. If joining a sports/fitness club is not for you, maybe try heading out on your own or with your bf for some brisk walks?

Facebook, as you say, can be very superficial. I feel it's not worth getting too worked up about. I continue to feel extremely self concious about anything I do on FB, the result being I do very little on there. I'd say that anyone posting multiple selfies *every day* probably has their own issues.

Is Meetup worth a try in terms of trying to find people/friends with common interests? It's something I'm about to try, again after having put it off for many years.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

meetup.com is good

[Aimz]

Hi pAuL1974 - Thank you for reading my post ( I know it's a bit of a rant!)

Good for you for joining the tennis club. I definitely agree with you about exercise improving mood.

I actually completed the UFC fit programme dvd and I found that made me feel better as well as improving my cardio etc...However, I have sadly not kept up with working out after completing it. I am much better when I have a particular workout routine to follow. I may have to get on to a new one now so I have some direction and motivation!

I would actually like to get into martial arts again. I actually went out to China about 4 years back and trained over there. But I lost motivation to keep it up when I came back home, again, due to a lack of routine etc....
I quite like MMA, Mhuay Thai etc.....I am going to have a browse on the net to see if they do that locally.

I do agree that walks are a good idea. Sadly, the area we are in really isn't the nicest for walks, one of the reasons I really miss living in a village.
But my bf has offered to drive us somewhere we can walk. I find it hard to motivate myself to do it when I feel low, even though it would help me. It's like a vicious circle sometimes.

I agree about facebook. I stopped looking at the newsfeed a long time ago.
It was always full of "oversharing" and it felt like people were just posting to ensure that people knew they were busy and doing loads of interesting things etc.
Every now and again I fall into the trap of doing the same as them, even though I do rarely post anything, but then I feel that people will realize that I actually do naff all!
I agree about the multiple selfies thing.....I feel that they just constantly want people to be reminded that they are "attractive" or "hot"
I'm actually really self critical, and I will only usually post a new pic, or change my profile pic if I actually manage to get a photo of myself that I deem "acceptable" but even then, I analyse the photo to death and pick out negatives.
It is actually kind of sad that we live in that sort of world where people airbrush their pics before posting them up etc...

Thanks for the suggestion about Meetup. I will have to give that a look.
Thanks again for your reply

[Aimz]

Hi Ramon,

Paul suggested this also. I will have to take a look.

[BritishPeace]

I went to an AA convention today, God knows what I'll do tomorrow! I have uni work but I hate uni

[laracroft]

Blimey Aimz, your post was incredibly familiar. I could have written it myself a couple of years ago. Lonely,square peg, friends who don't bother, a partner with no friends, don't get on with girls, hate Facebook, bored. Check to all of that. Its not you. People are unreliable and generally self absorbed. I'm in my 40s now and I don't care as much about that stuff anymore. I have few friends that I met randomly, but not because I was actively looking. My bezzy is a bloke and I don't really need more than that. Your situation is all too familiar yet I feel like I can't give you any advice. I got shot of anyone in my life that made me feel crappy, I don't do Facebook. I found one or 2 people that are genuinely fond of me. There's no reason why you won't meet people too. If I did, you can.x

[misska]

I hate fb too. I know it always end up making me feel bad but cant stop going on it. And when I do post a picture I end up feeling bad and comparing how many likes I get. Think they should invent a new fb for unpopular people

[laracroft]

Just don't go on it hun. I nearly stopped going on this forum for the same reasons. Brings out the paranoia and unpopular child in me. Fb is just a lot of people looking for affirmation that they are doing ok.

[Aimz]

Originally Posted by laracroft

Blimey Aimz, your post was incredibly familiar. I could have written it myself a couple of years ago. Lonely,square peg, friends who don't bother, a partner with no friends, don't get on with girls, hate Facebook, bored. Check to all of that. Its not you. People are unreliable and generally self absorbed. I'm in my 40s now and I don't care as much about that stuff anymore. I have few friends that I met randomly, but not because I was actively looking. My bezzy is a bloke and I don't really need more than that. Your situation is all too familiar yet I feel like I can't give you any advice. I got shot of anyone in my life that made me feel crappy, I don't do Facebook. I found one or 2 people that are genuinely fond of me. There's no reason why you won't meet people too. If I did, you can.x

Hi Laracroft,

Thanks for responding. It's nice to hear that you feel very similar to me
I think I need to concentrate my efforts on making new friends, as opposed to trying to cling on to "tentative" friendships and being let down.
At least if i do that then I am making plans, and if any people I haven't heard from in a while decide to actually connect and meet up with me, then I just fit that in around it.
As opposed to wasting time doing very little and almost feeling like I am begging for someone's time as I have no other offers etc....that's just not me. I don't think I should have to do that to get into someones "social diary"
Easier said than done on the whole making new friends front though.
I suppose I just need to push myself to take up hobbies and go outside my comfort zone in order to achieve this.
And yes....facebook. I have deactivated a few times. I completely deleted it one time, only to create a whole new one as I thought I was "missing out".
But I am not missing out at all really. I don't even look on the news feed and very rarely post anything, so I don't really have much use for it.

[BigD]

Aimz,

I'm similar but opposite in that I'm a bloke who doesn't like male company. The few friends I have had have been female but they have gradually become more distant. This is only natural I feel as they now have kids etc and partners who might not be as understanding as my wife about being friends with the opposite sex. So now I'm basically alone and I've given up on the whole 'friends' thing.

Hobbies, however, I have lots of (got to do something with the time others use for socialising). I wondered if I could suggest looking up your local archery group? This is getting more popular with the ladies now. Groups tend to still be mostly men but always have enough ladies that the new solo females feel comfortable. Our group were very welcoming to us when we started.

Oh - and forget facebook.

[laracroft]

^Hi BigD I was an archer too as was Chocolate Chin (except he was a compounder so dont know if that counts, lol). There was quite a few women in my club.

FaceBook is EEEVVVIIIIILLLLL!!!

Where do you live Aimz?

[BigD]

Originally Posted by laracroft

^Hi BigD I was an archer too as was Chocolate Chin (except he was a compounder so dont know if that counts, lol).

Nah - compounds are boys toys that do all the work for you

We are using recurve (with a sight but no stabilisers or any of that stuff) though my wife is exploring going really low tech with a longbow or similar.