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#61
6th October 2023, 16:29
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
Fear. If I so much as mention quitting my job on the days it makes me ill then I end up talking my wife down from her resulting anxiety attack/autistic meltdown at the thought of change. Then drag myself in to work the next day because it is less painful than seeing her suffer. It's been a fun few decades...
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#62
6th October 2023, 17:47
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^ Sorry to hear that, that sounds like no fun at all. You're right, fear is quite a motivator. Sorry if this sounds like a glib question, is there any possibility of lining another job up to escape from your current one so you're not cold quitting? I'm sure I'm not suggesting anything you haven't already considered yourself
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#63
6th October 2023, 20:36
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^ Thank you. Yes, and I do keep looking. But now I'm in my late 50s and hoping to retire in the next few years if she can cope with it. If not, then I may be too old for another job and forced to continue until she has to decide which is worse - my failing health or the drop in income.
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#65
7th October 2023, 10:31
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^ Yes, health and quality of life trump everything. It's hard to divorce income from quality of life, I know everyone's money situation/lifestyle is different. I can understand how retirement might be a blessing or a curse, maybe both, depending on your situation.
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#66
7th October 2023, 10:40
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
It might be worth sensitively chatting to your wife about how you're feeling and look at ways to support her with the change - maybe counselling or finding a way to ease into it like dropping hours etc. it must be scary for her to try and process all of the idea of change and the way ifs etc. but no matter how long it's put off, it's going to happen inevitably at some point so worth addressing it now and finding support with it. You sound very loving, BigD
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#67
7th October 2023, 11:12
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
Thank you all. My employer does a partial retirement scheme which I will now look into more seriously, then talk to my wife about it when I have more info.
Biscuits: 'loving'. Well, I am an affectionate person I think, once someone is past my SA barriers. But as I said in another post, most of my friendships have ended as people drifted away. But we have been together 40 years, since we were teenagers, and she is all I have left. Happily, she is making friends now for the first time since we moved here and is definitely becoming less anxious as a result - so maybe there is some hope.
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#69
7th October 2023, 12:20
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^^ It sounds like you might have some options of a gradual retirement process then. Also if your wife has an autism diagnosis there may be financial support you can get which could help to ease the financial side of things.
If your wife is starting to make friends where you are now and is becoming a little less anxious that's great too.
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#70
7th October 2023, 12:58
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^ I honestly hadn't realised that she could get support for autism. She is soon to have her formal assessment but her GP is convinced.
^^ Already have shed, and greenhouse. So I'm ready!
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#71
7th October 2023, 14:50
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^ It isn't easy. You have to apply for PIP and most people get turned down in the first instance. To fight for it you have to go to tribunal. It's an extremely stressful and humiliating process.
A lot of autistic people don't have the capacity to fight for things in that way, myself included. I am not trying to be negative, just truthful, so you don't pin your hopes on it. It's definitely worth applying if she gets a diagnosis, but if you can understand the way the process works from the outset, you'll have more chance of getting to the end. I gave up after the initial appeal. They basically said I could drive a car, which requires complex cognitive skill, so therefore wasn't disabled enough to qualify for help. The fact I only drive routes I already know, don't work, don't shop, don't do any household admin was completely ignored.
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#72
7th October 2023, 14:52
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
I'm not motivated.
I have no reason to exist.
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#73
7th October 2023, 15:34
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^^^/^^ It can be a difficult process and it's best to get advice but it is possible and a number of people here have qualified for PIP when they have an autism diagnosis (and other conditions).
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#74
7th October 2023, 15:56
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
@Merry -
 have you looked into advocacy to support you with the process?That's actually my dream job to be a MH advocate and advocacy for young offenders. BigD - I'd consider looking into advocacy too, when/if you get to the point where it's needed.
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#75
7th October 2023, 17:05
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
Merry: Sounds like a non-starter. She does work but has a history of friction with (lazier but with better social skills) colleagues and has been let go twice in the past because of it.
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#76
7th October 2023, 17:11
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^^ No, I haven't. I didn't have anyone help me through the process, except my husband. I had lots of good, supporting evidence from my GP (who's great) and from the Sheffield Autism service (which was about 12 pages long).
That's why I am explaining how difficult the process is, as on the autism groups I'm in my experience is standard, so that if it's something that anyone considers pursuing they can understand how gruelling it is and how humiliating (as you are treated like a liar) before they start, and maybe look into support at the outset, so that when they get that initial rejection and assessment, which essentially reads as, "You said this...but I think this" (as it's in the language of opinion) they aren't defeated and realise it's just part of the process. I would have to apply again now. ^ It might be worth applying, it's not supposed to be means tested or related to whether a person is working, but it's definitely worth getting help with the process from the beginning.
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#77
7th October 2023, 19:21
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
^^ PIP is not means tested so it doesn't matter whether the person is working or not. Anyway, I'm sure getting the autism assessment is top priority for now, but just something for you to keep in mind for further down the line.
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#81
21st October 2023, 18:51
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
I'm notoriously difficult to motivate because I'm so indifferent to life in general haha
What used to work was telling me I couldn't do something and I would think "I'll show you!!" These days however if someone said that to me I would say "maybe, maybe not" As much as I hate the phrase "it is what it is" has become my mantra.
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#82
21st October 2023, 19:08
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Re: How Do You Motivate Yourself?
Quote:
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