Does living with SA make you more judgemental others?

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

Does having symptoms of social anxiety make one more judgemental of others?

Subjectively I feel it's an intrinsic human act to judge others, whether it be positive or negative but have been wondering for a while whether social anxiety exacerbates the need to judge in order to protect oneself from harm etc?

For example, I have a SA friend, who is convinced often that everyone hates him, so it seems he is being incredibly judgemental of others out of his own fear of being judged himself.

A vicious cycle?

[Rummy]

Once I got over thinking everyone was against me, it's made me less judgemental of others; because of how I felt and knowing how it affected my thoughts, words and actions.

[ThatGuy11200]

It makes me less judgemental. I've had a life of feeling that people were judging me so why would I want to be like that?

[Stephalump]

My lack of confidence is what keeps me caged, not my judgement of others. I enter every interaction with an open mind but my insecurities get the better of me.

[Dougella]

I think it can do, in that we start to view other people as judgemental or hostile when we have no real reason to.

[Mr. Nobody]

I think judgement, assessment, generally having pre-conceived ideas about everyone - is definitely tied in with SA.
but the subtle point I managed to glimpse is that, when we feel we're judged by others,.
when we think other people have a definite opinion about us or attitude towards us,.. -it's actually ourselves projecting onto others what we think of ourselves,.
so it can often be that the core point is how we genuinely see ourselves, how we value or judge ourselves.
everything else is often just imagination and pointless irrelevant conjecture, I mean how can we know what other people think of us?

[Ajax Amsterdam]

I generally agree with the OP.
When my SA was at its worst I was quite judgemental of others. It definitely was a defence mechanism. I'd pick at others to try to pull them down to what I felt was my level. Suppose it was my way of trying to equalise things up a bit. I didn't do it consciously most of the time, but with hindsight it became clear what I'd done in the past.

I feared judgement so much that I got my own judgements in first. You see a lot of defensive judgementalism on this and other similar sites too. Witness how 'normals' are so often judged on here. That's not a criticism. Simply an observation. I think it goes with the territory of SA, be it consciously or unconsciously. The irony being that people who most fear judgement can also be the people who regularly employ it themselves as a defence mechanism.

Edit: Yes, I found my own judgementalism of others to be something of a vicious circle. It certainly didn't help me.

[Metal Goat]

Not for me. I've always tended to think everyone is better than me. To me, I always assume I'm the one who is bad/weird/boring. When I was at my worst SA-wise I always assumed others could do no wrong and always saw them as perfect and better than me in every way. I often may seem judgemental or bitchy I think, and moan and complain about others but almost always I'm actually angry at myself and think I've done something to deserve negative treatment. I almost cover it up by seeming angry at others instead of myself but deep down its only me I really judge negatively. SA makes me angrier but not more judgemental I would say.

[Statham]

I personally tend to reject others before they reject me so the answer to your question is yes social anxiety has indeed made me more judgmental of others, I have been judged negatively for most of my life so it kind of makes you more sensitive and very defensive. It's learnt behaviour which I find very hard to eradicate, crazy I know I hate judgmental people yet I myself have become judgmental.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

I'd suggest that SA is virtually all about judgement.
Judgement of ourselves. Judgement about what we believe others are thinking about us. Fear of what others may or not be thinking about us. The whole issue revolves around judgement, and certainly not solely around judgements others may or not be making.

Like Statham, I've also rejected others before they got chance to reject me. Ive also incorrectly judged the motives of others who have wanted to know me and rejected them on the basis of my incorrect judgement. With SA, I think we are constantly judging others, their motives and their thoughts about us.

[ExSAguy]

Back when I was SA heavy, I was horrifically judgemental of others.
Thinking things like 'He likes to go clubbing, what an idiot, who could like that overly sexualised atmosphere, awful music and expemsive drinks?'

As my SA diminished I have become much more accepting that people like what they like and who am I to judge them

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by jinny

I feel like my SA comes from shame, 'toxic shame'? Is that a known psychological concept Ajax?

I don't really worry about people judging me or disliking me, if I don't have to deal with it, if that makes any sense?

I don't have thought patterns where I think 'oh no, this person doesn't like me because of xyz' It's kind of a deeper response that that. I just feel innately ashamed of myself most of the time.

Toxic shame is not really something I've heard named as such that often other than by posters on this site. However, I just spotted a short overview of it from a BACP counsellor on the Counselling Directory.

http://www.counselling-directory.org...owards-healing

Originally Posted by Jinny

No.

Not for me. If anything, because I'm quite gentle & kind & don't want to hurt other people I'm often taken by surprise at how mean some people can be. There are lots of nice people in the world, but many nasty ones too.

I get the impression from this site that there is an attitude toward treating SA where you learn to that most of it is in your head, that people are not judging you, it's just your own negative thinking. I don't really buy into that. The world is full of horrible people & I've met a fair few, just look at the case of that poor bot, Felix, who took his own life after being bullied so relentlessly for no particular reason.

So if you feel like you are judging someone negatively, maybe they're just not that nice?

You highlight a few things that I can identify with. Back in my worst days I was heavily conflicted in many ways. One way was that I'm generally a decent, kind and considerate person and always have been, but part of me was also compelled to equalise things up a bit. As I felt I couldn't raise myself up to the level I thought other people were at, I'd be quite judgemental and pick fault with them (even if just in my own mind) to bring them down a bit. Suppose it was a way of coping with what I perceived as massive flaws in myself. I didn't want to be like that, and often didn't realise I was actually doing it. When I did realise, I was conflicted again, because maybe I wasn't as decent as I thought I was?

Looking back, maybe I held a fair bit of shame too, although I've never really recognised it as such.

Nasty people? Of course. The world is full of them. I've come into contact with plenty and see their actions on pretty much a daily basis. The world is not a safe place and we all have to make many judgements on a daily basis. Making observations and evaluations is something we do all the time simply because we have to. We have to know what situations are safe to be in and what people are safe for us to be around. This kind of judgementalism is perfectly adaptive, normal and sensible.

For me, the type of judgementalism that is nasty is when people stereotype individuals or groups. When it comes from prejudice and is meant to devalue people. My own rampant self-loathing contributed to my choice (because that's what it was, so I'll own it whether it was conscious or not) to try to devalue others and put them in certain derogatory boxes in order to help me feel better about myself. All credit to those who do not fall into that particular self-defeating trap because it really is easy to fall in to.

I agree with you regarding the perceived attitude towards treating SA. Yes, some of it will be in our heads, and we have to work our what is our inner stuff and what's external stuff. Yes, people do often make judgements about us just as we make judgements about them. We cannot stop this process no matter how much we'd like to. The way forward is learning how to deal with this aspect of life in a more workable way. Negative thinking? Well we (humans) are all guilty of that. I think we just have to learn to stand back from our thoughts at times and let them be but without taking them literally. It only becomes really problematic when we buy right into it and spend much of our lives in constant battle trying to eliminate it.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by abc

This isn't unique to people with SA though...

Of course. My initial line was regarding that corrosive type of judgementalism in general, and I agree that it's rife in society. I didn't mean to imply it was a specifically SA thing because it's not. Apologies to anyone who I gave that impression to by not wording things properly.

Sadly, I have to agree that the world is regressing and becoming more prejudiced, more judgemental and far less tolerant.

Where I do think that really corrosive type of judgementalism and SA can intertwine is when it's used as a defence mechanism like in the way I once used it. When I say ''corrosive'' I mean it helps no one; it's simply damaging all round. Of course, not all SA sufferers will react in the way I did. Some may, but many would not. One way in which it does manifest on this and similar sites is in how ''normals'' are often pigeon-holed and stereotyped by some in a derogatory manner. One small example, but a rather common one of how one group can judge another and pull them down. It's a defensive strategy.

[newbs16]

I'd like to think that is makes most people less judgemental because they should be more understanding.

[Marco]

^ I think I agree with you Flumpsy. I think nearly all of us SA sufferers tend to second guess what others think of us and usually we imagine we***8217;re being judged wanting in some way or other. In fact this gets to the core of the problem of SA. I agree that presupposing what others think of us is in itself being judgmental, as others have pointed out in this thread, but I would stress it does not necessarily lead to being judgmental of others in an adverse way (i.e. hypercritical). I think becoming adversely judgmental depends on other factors besides SA.