Continually thinking my girlfriend will dump me

Michael2014 · #1 6th December 2010, 20:09

Yay Ive got a girlfriend lol

But Im always thinking that she'll dump me each day when we don't speak...
And then i begin to worry loads because I know I wont be able to face the rejection..

The thing is though she loves me lots, I think, but Im still worried about if she'll dump me

. Sometimes I cant even eat properly because the worry is so much.. :| and it makes me nearly cry the thought of it happening

Anyone know how to stop these thoughts? Is it aspect of Social Anxiety?

Detox · #2 6th December 2010, 20:16

Hi Michael,

I suppose this might sound cliche' but I think its true that trust is the one thing which keeps any relationship together. I'm not saying you don't trust your girlfriend, but no doubt it really gets to you and you get scared of losing her. I used to feel the same, I used to wind myself up about it all the time in my mind. But if she says that she loves you then trust that, if she was to suddenly dump you which is very unlikely, that would not be something which someone who loves you would do is it? And it would cause hurt for you and her if she did dump you, because she no doubt does love you and it would be pointless.

I know me saying that won't make all those thoughts go away. But theres always two hearts in every relationship and each is scared of losing the other. Good luck with it all and I hope those thoughts dissapear soon!

Michael2014 · #3 6th December 2010, 20:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Detox

Hi Michael,

I suppose this might sound cliche' but I think its true that trust is the one thing which keeps any relationship together. I'm not saying you don't trust your girlfriend, but no doubt it really gets to you and you get scared of losing her. I used to feel the same, I used to wind myself up about it all the time in my mind. But if she says that she loves you then trust that, if she was to suddenly dump you which is very unlikely, that would not be something which someone who loves you would do is it? And it would cause hurt for you and her if she did dump you, because she no doubt does love you and it would be pointless.

I know me saying that won't make all those thoughts go away. But theres always two hearts in every relationship and each is scared of losing the other. Good luck with it all and I hope those thoughts dissapear soon!

Thank you

.
That has helped a lot lol

.

AutumnLeaves · #4 6th December 2010, 21:00

Yes i can relate to this, when seeing someone there have been several occasions where i got it into my head that they were arranging to meet up with me because they were going to dump me, rather than cos they wanted to see me

Iv had all sorts of paranoid thoughts and questions and worries go through my head. And the thing is, it actually has little to do with the other person, or how much or little i like them. It's a problem with me and i believe that in my case, it is caused by lack of confidence in myself and other people, and the way my upbringing encouraged me to have a defeatist and negative attitude towards all areas of life. As for advice, mainly what he said ^

Also, im starting to think that it's better not to always be assuming the worst in the hope that it will save you from hurt and disappointment. It's too much hard work and it makes you miserable all the time! Possibly better to live as if everything is going to turn out ok, and just deal with any crap as and when it happens!

P.S. Congrats on having the girlfriend. I wish you all the best

Salusa87 · #5 6th December 2010, 23:20

Im a bit like this too. I guess try and focus on how the relationship is when your actually with each other, do you get to you see each other much?

Michael2014 · #6 7th December 2010, 00:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salusa87

Im a bit like this too. I guess try and focus on how the relationship is when your actually with each other, do you get to you see each other much?

Well we see each other two times a week, but we speak everyday mostly about nothing

*bambi* · #7 7th December 2010, 18:07

It's hard to switch these thoughts off, I know. But I think you have already been given brilliant advice on here. One thing you should never do is actually sharing those thoughts with your girlfriend. Well, you might mention your fears and she might reassure you... but please don't continually tell her that you are scared of losing her, this can be a danger for the relationship. A while ago I briefly went out with someone who kept saying 'I know you will dump me one day' and this really drove me up the walls.

I know it's hard to trust someone but if you give trust it means you receive trust in return and this is the way beautiful relationships can grow.

Good luck with it all!

ItsNotAPorkChop · #8 7th December 2010, 21:43

I always feel like this. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now yet I still get thoughts that he might leave me and the worry is unbearable sometimes.

Detox · #9 8th December 2010, 00:52

Another thought with this is that you obviously care about her so much that your very scared of losing her, which is a nice thing. Bambi is also right in what she said.
My ex always held back telling me she was scared and it always came out in one big mass of tears and such. I always told her to tell me when she had those feelings so I could reassure her but she was always to scared which was a shame. But people do react differently and it can be a big pressure.

Michael2014 · #10 8th December 2010, 18:38

Quote:

The chances are you will get dumped anyway, especially if you're younger...people change and go through different phases. So just try to enjoy it.

Great. Thanks.

Detox · #11 8th December 2010, 18:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michael2014

Great. Thanks.

I'd ignore that Michael, not very constructive at all.

Moab · #12 8th December 2010, 18:43

Congrats on the new bo.

I expect we have all felt the way you are feeling right now. It is not SA but merely insecurity and a lack of belief in yourself. If she loves you, accept it, relax and be happy. If you question it and make a big issue out of it then you will lose her. I once had the same problem with an ex - note the "ex". He pushed me to the limit and I left.

I suspect I'm a lot older than you and acceptance of yourself does tend to improve with age. To dare to love is to risk rejection and all that goes with it. If you never take that risk you will miss out on the greatest thing life has to offer. Love, with the right person, I think must be a wonderful thing. I hope I will find it before I get too much older.

What will be - will be.