SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > Social Anxiety Discussions > The Social Anxiety Room
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 18th April 2014, 22:55
Tulip101 Tulip101 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 31
Default nice or nasty?

Yesterday I went to a National Trust house. I walked into one room full of portraits and suddenly there was an accusing voice that said YOU SNEAKED IN VERY QUIETLY. It was the man looking after the room. I couldn't say anything. It seemed like he was trying to put me down or dominate me.

Should I have been rude to him, ignored him, or complained to someone? I hate it when people don't treat me with respect, or they talk to me like I'm a child. I don't understand why they do that. How do you react to situations like that? How should people react to situations like that?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 18th April 2014, 22:59
Z. Z. is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Up My Own Arse.
Posts: 10,559
Default Re: nice or nasty?

I usually don't react. Assholes will be assholes. Best not to dwell on it and move on. They're really not worth your time.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 18th April 2014, 23:33
Mortigantoj Mortigantoj is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Gants Hill
Posts: 16,277
Blog Entries: 25
Default Re: nice or nasty?

The correct response would have been:

"Yes, I'm a ninja" ... and then throw shurikens at him to prove it
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 19th April 2014, 00:25
Caribou Caribou is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 24,138
Default Re: nice or nasty?

Sounds like he was just being humorous to me.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 19th April 2014, 00:26
northstar northstar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: London England
Posts: 752

Mood
Spaced

Default Re: nice or nasty?

Awh, I'm sure he didn't mean anything personal, Tulip. If it was not a bad chatup line, I'm sure , as biscuits says he was just being friendly.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 19th April 2014, 02:58
Consolida Consolida is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 5,612
Default Re: nice or nasty?

Hi Tulip

As I wasn't there its difficult to comment, as the guys body language, tone of voice, whether he was smiling or not, all play a part in ascertaining the meaning behind his remark. However, I would hazard a guess that he was just trying to be friendly. If i was hanging about in a room for hours id probably say something similar, if someone quietly and unexpectedly appeared, and I would hope that the visitor might smile or make a friendly comment in return.

However, as an SA sufferer, I understand how easy it is to think that someone is being accusatory or critical as its all part and parcel of our tendency to think people are judging us negatively. If this guy was being a little abrasive or rude, then Id suggest that you shouldn't take it personally and just let it wash over you like water off a ducks back. It certainly isn't worth making a complaint over.

Btw, I love visiting National Trust properties, not that i get to do it often, so it sounds like you probably had a good time a part from this 'incident'
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 19th April 2014, 20:55
Tulip101 Tulip101 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 31
Default Re: nice or nasty?

Thanks everybody. I've thought about what you wrote and it helps. I know its possible to misunderstand what people mean. They are being nice but you take it the wrong way. I'm now thinking that this man thought he was being friendly but the way that he said it was wrong as it came out as sounding dominating. There are people who are like that and they cant help themselves. But I wish I could stop being effected by people dominating me. Maybe I did the right thing and said nothing and made him feel ignored.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 20th April 2014, 15:15
Lifebuoy Lifebuoy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 398
Default Re: nice or nasty?

If he said that in an accusing way then maybe he did have a personality problem.

Domineering people are bothersome whether you have SA or not. Sometimes they have a defect that has it's origins in having been brought up in a dominating and over-strict manner. These people tend to dominate those who they perceive as being 'inferiors', while they 'toady-up' and are submissive to perceived 'superiors'.

Some people are born with a need to be dominant. Males tend to be more likely to behave in a dominant way than females... you can see this amongst other animals too.... including monkeys. (Sorry men ). Such people tend to talk a lot, want to have their ideas attended to and they want to influence other people. They struggle for position, but often don't achieve it because they don't have the social skills. It sounds like your 'friend' was in the latter category, Tulip.

It is really difficult to deal with these people.

When reacting to them, it's always better to be assertive rather than aggressive or submissive. Being submissive would be to look away and say 'Sorry... did I?' Being aggressive would be to look at him intently and say something like 'Does everyone who enters this room get greeted with that accusation?' (It would put him in his place I guess ). But being assertive would be to say 'No I don't think I "sneaked in"... I just walked in'... and smile confidently, looking him in the eye. Here he gets the message, you look cool and in control, and the situation doesn't escalate.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 13:17.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.