Coming out of the bubble

[Moksha]

Someone wrote something on a post which really struck me. They said that when you really make an effort to get back into the world, perhaps through a new job or a new relationship etc, after many years of isolation/ "living in a bubble" as they put it, you should prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of emotions (I suppose because you suddenly realise what you have been missing and because you start to compare yourself to others = 'oh god what a waste, all those years!!...' 'what a freak I am, no-one can have lived as I have lived')

This worries me a lot. For years I haven't worked. I have just finished an MA and am psyching myself up to do something, not so much the big career thing, but SOMETHING. I know for sure that I am going to be hit with major, even overwhelming feelings of regret as I sort of re-emerge into the light. I am seriously worried this regret, this shock at having wasted so much time is going to be too much to take and crack me up. Of course, I always KNEW I was wasting my life but I just suppressed this knowledge with drugs- and of course when you are alone it is easy to shut these thoughts out, you settle into a routine (calmed by pills) and watch the years slip away. When you are surrounded by people all day, chatting about partners and university days and when they did this or that at such and such a club or in Ibiza when they were young and so on it is virtually impossible. The odd thing is my pain and regrets seem to centre on the past (well the LACK of a past) and not on the present. I have nothing at the moment...no job, no girlfriend, no money, no social life, no place of my own- nothing, and yet it is always regret at the past, at the black hole where a life should be that eats away at me.

Any advice on how to stick it out until I can come to terms with things? Or even HOW you come to terms with things? I even feel I have wasted my life in comparison to many of you on here (no offence). I mean you have all still managed to have some sort of social life or job, to leave home etc. I am 29 and I have never worked a day in an office or had any sort of a job.

It is not so much that I have had no contact at all with people, but that I have never allowed anyone to get close in case they 'found out' and were able to laugh at me like that group of little shits who singled me out to laugh at at school (not to punch and kick, to bully or even to hate, but to LAUGH at) as more time passes the fear grows because you feel even more of a freak.

To come out of the bubble means:
1. simply being around people daily and for long periods of time= questions and intensification of regret.
2. Possibility of meeting a girl or just someone I may get close to, after so long keeping people at arms length this is going to be a hell of a strain.
Any advice?

[SoulSeeker]

Yeah Moksha, i understand exactly what your saying buddy.

I'm in exactly the same position, i've done absolutely nothing in the last 6 years. It's a big enough hurdle getting over SA, but how are you mean't to fit in if you've got no stories to tell. It's like..so what you been up to then?.....errrr, i've sat in my room for the last 6 years, lol.

I suppose we just have to start from scratch really..experiencing the joys of life, so as we actually have something to talk about, lol. A few porky pies along the way wont hurt either...errrmm, i've been looking after my mother..so i haven't really had the chance to do anything the last few years. Or, you could just be blatantly honest and say..i've been suffering with depression or SA so i haven't felt like doing anything for the last 6 YEARS or so..but i'm back now weyyyyheyyyy!!. Although this option is proberly MY last resort, lol.

I dont know..it's a hard one really...still trying to figure it out myself.

Good Luck anyways Moksha

Kev

[P74]

I'm in the same position, been out of work (due to SA) for almost four years. At my last interview a few months ago I was asked what I'd been doing with myself in all that time, which was of course embarrassing as I didn't want to reveal about my SA. I used to suffer feelings of regret about things I haven't done but nowadays I stop myself thinking about the past, it takes some effort to do but it's essential as you obviously cannot 'turn back the clock' and it's no use thinking about it.

[hardy]

The key thing i can recommend is to keep it clear in your mind that ALL dificulties are down to being on a new learning curve and NOT down to any personal "fault" of your own.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

Yeah Moksha, i understand exactly what your saying buddy.

I'm in exactly the same position, i've done absolutely nothing in the last 6 years. It's a big enough hurdle getting over SA, but how are you mean't to fit in if you've got no stories to tell. It's like..so what you been up to then?.....errrr, i've sat in my room for the last 6 years, lol.

I suppose we just have to start from scratch really..experiencing the joys of life, so as we actually have something to talk about, lol. A few porky pies along the way wont hurt either...errrmm, i've been looking after my mother..so i haven't really had the chance to do anything the last few years. Or, you could just be blatantly honest and say..i've been suffering with depression or SA so i haven't felt like doing anything for the last 6 YEARS or so..but i'm back now weyyyyheyyyy!!. Although this option is proberly MY last resort, lol.

I dont know..it's a hard one really...still trying to figure it out myself.

Good Luck anyways Moksha

Kev

yeh, I'll go for lying any day. Anyway, most blokes bullshit, exaggerate and boast all the time about everything. What people actually did in their lives and what they remember doing are usually totally different (next time you are with someone and they are in a confrontation just watch what they say afterwards, it's usually something like "did you see that, eh, did you see the way he backed down...he was crapping himself, did you hear me say such and such..." and its all bollocks- you can see the reality being replaced by fantasy in his head/in his memory bank right in front of you. Man, I wish I had that sort of brain. It's not so much that people lie as that they actually BELIEVE things about their lives and past which are just not true. The classic example is the way people remember their school days as this great time when they were free of worry, but AT THE TIME they were often just bored and frustrated.

Bertrand Russell said (pretentious, moi?) "the secret to happiness is to admit that life is horrible, horrible, horrible". I think what he meant was once you do this everything enjoyable...even a hot bath or a few pints etc seems like a bonus. (?)

I don't know, but I think the answer has something to do with being a total individual...really taking it to the extreme.

Anyway, good luck to you too mate (and all of you who read this and are unlucky enough to know what I mean )

[Marc l]

hi moksha, I know what you mean when you talk about to coming out of your 'bubble'.

I've have also recently just started something that puts me totally out of my comfort zone and I find that I have to constantly remind myself not to compare myself to other 'normal' people and where they are at in relation to me.

The way I see it is it's going to take while to 're-intergrate' myself into society. You have to give yourself a chance and not fret to much a first, even if though it's very difficult not to.

[Peyre]

Originally Posted by Moksha

Bertrand Russell said (pretentious, moi?) "the secret to happiness is to admit that life is horrible, horrible, horrible". I think what he meant was once you do this everything enjoyable...even a hot bath or a few pints etc seems like a bonus. (?)

Well this is my strategy. Just to try and really take comfort in small pleasures. Having to actually earn them. A reward for hard work or a stressful situation.

I think the key is to stop dwelling on the past. Be selfish for once, and think about your own life, how you will 'improve' it, and what your realistic goals are, and most importantly, not to compare it to others

[jontyboyoh]

Funnily enough I was thinking about this thread throughout the day t'other day......

......I was wondering if you've come up with any tips or ways to cope in your situation?