Is this “normal”

[Bluebear]

This might seem like a dumb question. Is a lack of confidence “normal” for people with SA? I haven’t had good experiences with therapists. I did build good rapport for a while but then really struggled when the therapist was judgmental. How do people handle therapists when they are judgmental and is it “normal” for therapists to use being judgmental as a technique if they feel the therapy is stuck. That doesn’t help me at all. I suppose I should “toughen up” but I think my SA was partly caused by being judged and rejected in childhood so I’m not sure how...

Has anyone had person centred therapy? I think that would help me more...

[Dougella]

No it isn't normal for therapists to be judgemental, infact it's meant to be part of their job not to be! They might need to ask you difficult questions or get you to think about things that are difficult for you, but you should also be able to discuss with them when this is too much.


What kind of things was this therapist saying to you?

[Bluebear]

This therapist said a lot of things to me that were judgmental...
But for a long time, for more than a year, this therapist was supportive..
To be honest, I wonder about the mental health of this therapist..

The therapist even discouraged my friendships with anyone else with any mental health issues. And discouraged a passion of mine ... a healthy passion, for music. with mean blaming words and a callous tone of voice. I’m not such a horrible person that I deserve that disrespect. Nobody deserves disrespect. I did nothing to that therapist. In fact I would say that this professional was not professional. Do no harm. The therapist said i had an “unhealthy dependency” on the therapist.. they admitted they had thought they could help me but felt... insufficient... to do so. I didn’t fully trust them for a long time and when I opened up more.. about things which harmed nobody... they shamed me.

[Bluebear]

Why did I write out this crap.

[Consolida]

^ You haven't written anything that is remotely 'crap'

I would say that it is extremely normal for people with SA to suffer with a lack of confidence. In fact is it even possible for someone who suffers with SA to feel very confident? For me, SA and a lack of confidence go hand in hand.

As for whether it is normal for a Therapist to be judgemental as part of their therapy technique I would say definitely not. Surely the whole purpose of a Therapist is to put you at your ease, show empathy and to build up a trusting client/therapist relationship.

As for your therapist discouraging you to mix with other people with mental health issues, I can only think this would make any sense if certain individuals were a negative influence in your life. But of course, there are plenty of 'normal' people who can be equally toxic to be around. As for discouraging you to pursue your passion for music, doesn't the therapist know how good music is for the soul! He/she sounds crackers

It sounds to me that this Therapist wasn't right for you at all (or anyone I would imagine) and I'm hoping that, if you haven't done so already, you can find alternative therapy that is far more suited to your needs.

Take care

[Bluebear]

Thank you Consolida