Finding Love...

[Dandelion10]

No matter what issues people may face in life (like SA) or whatever type of person they may be or desire we all want to find love.

At the moment I think I want someone for all the wrong reasons such as to fill the void of loneliness, to prove I'm grown up, because I hate being left out and to get some long-overdue respect from family and work colleagues.

Even though I know I need to respect myself, get better and basically get a life it's still hard trying to do that when you really, really want a boyfriend.

What have been you experiences of trying to find the right person?

[karl-32]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

No matter what issues people may face in life (like SA) or whatever type of person they may be or desire we all want to find love.

another sauk mass generalization lol

i dont

What have been you experiences of trying to find the right person?

epic failure . i have had , in the last 9 years , around 7 girlfriends . i gave my all . More than alot of blokes i see around care to give. i am generous , kind , loyal , utterly selfless and push the boat out with what i have in order to make someones life interesting and exciting. i am extremely affectionate and loving , cook dinner every night , do all the house work etc etc

none of this is enough


iv learnt the nicer you are to someone , the more they want and the more they throw everything in your face . i am honest and open (this just gave people ammo to attack me with)

Just like a man i forget to cook dinner one night , i'm a uncaring person .

if i have sex twice a day for a week running but dont on the 8th day , i'm not loving

if i give someone £70 a week just for the hell of it but cant one week because of bills , i'm a tight fisted twat

i have about 50 examples of this type , but i wont type them all.


i dont believe in a member of the opposites sex's capabilitys of love . All iv seen is jealousy , posesiveness and want want want . i have no intention whatsoever of venturing down the relationship road ever ever again . i always put in maximum effort , but got little return .

All i miss is sex


all my views here are of course just based on personal experience

[MichaelAlone]

Oh God!!! I tried keeping a low profile but wtf happened to Darren? (If he existed).

[karl-32]

Originally Posted by MichaelAlone

Oh God!!! I tried keeping a low profile but wtf happened to Darren? (If he existed).

well i did tell her so (along with everyone else)

[karl-32]

Originally Posted by Lindy

. I agree with you, in that we all want to find love. .

err hellooooooooooooo i dont

[Nuff]

[karl-32]

Originally Posted by Nuff

[Only_human]

I try at relationships...really i do but im constantly over analysing them, and isolating myself needing 'me' time (not to self indulge) just i guess ive always been somewhat of a loner and you get used to a certain amount of space. I resent when men automatically presume i must be cheating if i just say im having an off week and want to chill at home. I resent the fact if i dont txt back within an hour i must be going off them. I hate feeling like I owe someone something. I hate when I start to consider what they will think of my actions before I've processed my own thoughts. I hate when they are high on this rollar costar but from my end I feel like i'm just anticipating the moment i'm about to get off the ride the whole while. But then i want a serious relationship, the commitment, the sense of contentment and the fulfilment. But ultimatley, i'm looking for someone i'm compatible with, someone who has common goals and interests, and most importantly a similar outlook...i don't believe in 'the one' and i don't really think i believe in 'love' shocking for a girl i know...and i usually end up being told i need to be more needy and show more interest...i dont know if its just me and i have to accept that that's me or i'm just with the wrong guys. I went through a phase last year of going on date after date desperate to find a boyfriend just for that social acceptance, to, like you said originally, feel respect from family and feel well i guess 'normal'. Trouble is the ones that have wanted to get serious, either have been not been for me (the whole compatible thing) or there's been too many obstacles. I did really like one guy, I could of seen myself settling with but then there were the obstacles and ultimately I needed to cut him out. I think ultimatley, I need to work on myself first, meet friends, establish real connections with people I can count on first, stop stressing about the future (ie husband material, kids bla bla bla) and then hopefully i will meet that compatible one. I'm trying to stop trying to conform, be me, enjoy life and when it's meant to happen, it will happen. I HOPE!! lol :P

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by karl-31

another sauk mass generalization lol

i dont



epic failure . i have had , in the last 9 years , around 7 girlfriends . i gave my all . More than alot of blokes i see around care to give. i am generous , kind , loyal , utterly selfless and push the boat out with what i have in order to make someones life interesting and exciting. i am extremely affectionate and loving , cook dinner every night , do all the house work etc etc

none of this is enough


iv learnt the nicer you are to someone , the more they want and the more they throw everything in your face . i am honest and open (this just gave people ammo to attack me with)

Just like a man i forget to cook dinner one night , i'm a uncaring person .

if i have sex twice a day for a week running but dont on the 8th day , i'm not loving

if i give someone £70 a week just for the hell of it but cant one week because of bills , i'm a tight fisted twat

i have about 50 examples of this type , but i wont type them all.


i dont believe in a member of the opposites sex's capabilitys of love . All iv seen is jealousy , posesiveness and want want want . i have no intention whatsoever of venturing down the relationship road ever ever again . i always put in maximum effort , but got little return .

All i miss is sex


all my views here are of course just based on personal experience

All I can say is, you've been very unlucky mate! Maybe you're getting with the wrong type of person? From your description they all sound very demanding and selfish people to me

[catlover]

At the moment I think I want someone for all the wrong reasons such as to fill the void of loneliness, to prove I'm grown up, because I hate being left out and to get some long-overdue respect from family and work colleagues.

While I have no doubt that many people seek mates for these reasons, I have to admit to being a little uncomfortable about all but the first of the stated reasons.

Certainly, loneliness is a good reason for seeking a mate, as humans are by nature social beings. Yet it is possible to learn to be more comfortable and content with yourself, alone.

But as for the other reasons, I'm concerned that you might latch onto someone who's not right for you just to prove something to your family members.

Paradoxically, I think the more needy we are, the more likely we are to latch onto the wrong type of person.

Originally Posted by diplodocus

All I can say is, you've been very unlucky mate! Maybe you're getting with the wrong type of person? From your description they all sound very demanding and selfish people to me

I agree, and I can't believe that everyone's like that. May I ask, Karl, where you've been meeting these people? Perhaps you could try different places/methods/types? Were they super good-looking? (Such types tend to be more demanding - sorry - generalization.)

And I say all of this having had nothing but failure in all of my relationships, so take everything I've said with a huge grain of salt.

[Narwhal]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

What have been you experiences of trying to find the right person?

I never actually set out to find someone, I didn't see the point as I didn't think I would find anyone. But in the process of trying to make friends I found my boyfriend. I guess the fact that I wasn't actually looking for anyone made it all that more clear that he was the one for me, because I wasn't trying to seek out a connection. (If that makes any sense lol)
I don't want to marry or have kids, especially not to just conform to the social 'norm'. It just sounds depressing to me and unfulfilling to live by someone else's standards. Also you might be more inclined to jump at the first chance you get to get married (ie going with the wrong person for you) if you're getting married to fit in rather then you want to spend the rest of your life with this particular person.

Originally Posted by Only_human

I need to work on myself first, meet friends, establish real connections with people I can count on first, stop stressing about the future (ie husband material, kids bla bla bla) and then hopefully i will meet that compatible one. I'm trying to stop trying to conform, be me, enjoy life and when it's meant to happen, it will happen.

I love this says it all nicely

[red van man]

Originally Posted by karl-31

another sauk mass generalization lol

i dont



epic failure . i have had , in the last 9 years , around 7 girlfriends . i gave my all . More than alot of blokes i see around care to give. i am generous , kind , loyal , utterly selfless and push the boat out with what i have in order to make someones life interesting and exciting. i am extremely affectionate and loving , cook dinner every night , do all the house work etc etc

none of this is enough


iv learnt the nicer you are to someone , the more they want and the more they throw everything in your face . i am honest and open (this just gave people ammo to attack me with)

Just like a man i forget to cook dinner one night , i'm a uncaring person .

if i have sex twice a day for a week running but dont on the 8th day , i'm not loving

if i give someone £70 a week just for the hell of it but cant one week because of bills , i'm a tight fisted twat

i have about 50 examples of this type , but i wont type them all.


i dont believe in a member of the opposites sex's capabilitys of love . All iv seen is jealousy , posesiveness and want want want . i have no intention whatsoever of venturing down the relationship road ever ever again . i always put in maximum effort , but got little return .

All i miss is sex


all my views here are of course just based on personal experience

sounds like we been out with the same people mate

[nessa456]

If a person puts up with bad behaviour off a partner it will tend to continue and even get worse.

[-Simon-]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

we all want to find love.

Just for the record, not me neither.

[LotusSpirit]

Originally Posted by Fatty Arbottle

Just for the record, not me neither.

Unfortunately not for me neither, just a good hard one & little intimacy.

Sorry to be crude but totally honest.

[-Simon-]

Originally Posted by LotusSpirit

Sorry to be crude but totally honest.

I think many would save themselves, and partners, a lot of heartache if they could be equally honest with themselves.

[Dandelion10]

It was always just phone calls with him so I know it's not going to go anywhere and I can't forgive him for leaving me this long. I really wanted to be with him especially at Christmas but he made me feel like everything was on hold.

He just never gave me anything, he does exist and we do like each other but I suspect he's married because all I ever did was ask when we'd be together but I'm not cheapening myself any more, it's completely and totally 100% finished even though he dismissed my wish to leave by saying 'Yes, you go get yourself better then we can go out again' like he makes the rules. He's killed any feelings I had for him.

To be honest I hardly ever, ever saw him. He was far too cagey, he'd show an interest in certain plans but trying to get him to do them was nigh impossible. Even about his divorce he explained he was separated from his wife but I had to probe him to find out he had a son and that his divorce would be finalised after two years. He would often just say 'you don't need to know'.

I'm having trouble sleeping lately because it's ending but it never really got off the ground. He said I over-analysed things but what else could I do? I'd see happy couples and suddenly feel wronged so the next time he rang I'd ask him when we'd be together but then the topic would switch to more general things and I'd put my doubts aside and go all gooey again.

I only like the police, I'm not ignoring other men it's just a strong almost past-life recognition we share. I think we do like each other but he's not bothered if we ever begin a serious relationship or not. Saying that though I did tend to push him away a lot which seems to suggest I'm not well enough to cope with a relationship. He did often say 'If I was with you right now you'd run a mile' and that's exactly how I feel.

The opposite sex tends to feel the same way about each other: immature, don't believe they can love, just want certain things but even though I'm at a major disadvantage with SA I still try give my all to a partner.

[Mark_One]

Originally Posted by karl-31

another sauk mass generalization lol

i dont



epic failure . i have had , in the last 9 years , around 7 girlfriends . i gave my all . More than alot of blokes i see around care to give. i am generous , kind , loyal , utterly selfless and push the boat out with what i have in order to make someones life interesting and exciting. i am extremely affectionate and loving , cook dinner every night , do all the house work etc etc

none of this is enough


iv learnt the nicer you are to someone , the more they want and the more they throw everything in your face . i am honest and open (this just gave people ammo to attack me with)

Just like a man i forget to cook dinner one night , i'm a uncaring person .

if i have sex twice a day for a week running but dont on the 8th day , i'm not loving

if i give someone £70 a week just for the hell of it but cant one week because of bills , i'm a tight fisted twat

i have about 50 examples of this type , but i wont type them all.


i dont believe in a member of the opposites sex's capabilitys of love . All iv seen is jealousy , posesiveness and want want want . i have no intention whatsoever of venturing down the relationship road ever ever again . i always put in maximum effort , but got little return .

All i miss is sex


all my views here are of course just based on personal experience

I can certainly identify with a lot of these points.

I found love about 4 years ago but I got to the point that I just couldnt handle the pressure from her and it felt like I had no control over my life. One of the most upsetting things for me was that through having a loving relationship, it broke up my friendship with my best friend (because she is also female).

So I know not every person out there is demanding, controlling etc but I really dont want another relationship as I have been put off for life. Love is certainly a no-go area for me now.

[Azi]

I think we're all looking for love and affection of some kind but not necessarily romantic love.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

It was always just phone calls with him so I know it's not going to go anywhere and I can't forgive him for leaving me this long. I really wanted to be with him especially at Christmas but he made me feel like everything was on hold.

He just never gave me anything, he does exist and we do like each other but I suspect he's married because all I ever did was ask when we'd be together but I'm not cheapening myself any more, it's completely and totally 100% finished even though he dismissed my wish to leave by saying 'Yes, you go get yourself better then we can go out again' like he makes the rules. He's killed any feelings I had for him.

To be honest I hardly ever, ever saw him. He was far too cagey, he'd show an interest in certain plans but trying to get him to do them was nigh impossible. Even about his divorce he explained he was separated from his wife but I had to probe him to find out he had a son and that his divorce would be finalised after two years. He would often just say 'you don't need to know'.

I'm having trouble sleeping lately because it's ending but it never really got off the ground. He said I over-analysed things but what else could I do? I'd see happy couples and suddenly feel wronged so the next time he rang I'd ask him when we'd be together but then the topic would switch to more general things and I'd put my doubts aside and go all gooey again.

I only like the police, I'm not ignoring other men it's just a strong almost past-life recognition we share. I think we do like each other but he's not bothered if we ever begin a serious relationship or not. Saying that though I did tend to push him away a lot which seems to suggest I'm not well enough to cope with a relationship. He did often say 'If I was with you right now you'd run a mile' and that's exactly how I feel.

The opposite sex tends to feel the same way about each other: immature, don't believe they can love, just want certain things but even though I'm at a major disadvantage with SA I still try give my all to a partner.

..we all did try to warn you about him.
here's me thinking he only had a secret girlfriend when turns out it was a secret wife and kid.

[TheOneWhoKnocks]

Originally Posted by Only_human

I think ultimatley, I need to work on myself first, meet friends, establish real connections with people I can count on first, stop stressing about the future (ie husband material, kids bla bla bla) and then hopefully i will meet that compatible one. I'm trying to stop trying to conform, be me, enjoy life and when it's meant to happen, it will happen. I HOPE!! lol :P

All of those things are probably going to help but I don't think waiting around for something to happen ever works. You have to go out there and make it happen.

[graham87]

Originally Posted by young_al_capone

All of those things are probably going to help but I don't think waiting around for something to happen ever works. you have to go out there and make it happen.

I agree with this

[graham87]

oh yeah, and good luck with the police dandelion

[Blumoon]

Society is very flawed, I think i may have learned that love doesn't practically work, but that's only because all the older people i know in relationships and marriages, and my own parents didn't work out. But it could do.

Raises all these questions, would i get bored?
Would i get bored if the person wasn't right for me? Most likely.

But i can't say i've really properly looked for 'love'. In life i have fancied a lot of men. I think it's a compulsion with me, as i always will fancy someone, someone i can't have.

At school, it would be teachers, male ones, but also i did have a few females i 'liked' ie fancied. Terrible i know, but they were the authority figures in my life, i think i maybe even looked up to the males as father figures because mine was no use. Some of them cared a lot more about me than my own parents, and i could tell.

[Nuff]

Your love is my drug ._.

[Stervek]

I believe that like anything, love is for some people but not for everyone. Call it luck? or maybe its just an ability that some have, and others don't.

By all means look for it, experience it, try to find it. But if it just isn't to be - don't sweat. Do something else. There are many paths to happiness and contentment.

A majority view isnt necessarily a truth.

Kev

[Gazadaman]

I'm 24 and have to say that I haven't been in a relationship yet.
There are times where it feels quite painful being alone, but I often think about the positives of being single and vice versa. I'm not desperate to be with anyone, but I'd still be more than happy to begirlfriend the right lady when/ if she comes along.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Only_human

I think ultimatley, I need to work on myself first, meet friends, establish real connections with people I can count on first, stop stressing about the future (ie husband material, kids bla bla bla) and then hopefully i will meet that compatible one. I'm trying to stop trying to conform, be me, enjoy life and when it's meant to happen, it will happen. I HOPE!! lol :P

The same view i have when it comes to relationships

Originally Posted by young_al_capone

All of those things are probably going to help but I don't think waiting around for something to happen ever works. You have to go out there and make it happen.

Thats makes sense but i guess it boils down to what they mean by if it happens it happens. For me i will put myself out there more therefore have more chance to meet women but i won't purposefully go searching for love via dating sites or go out with the purpose of pulling etc. If i meet someone whilst out then so be it.

[Blumoon]

Originally Posted by Gazadaman

I'm 24 and have to say that I haven't been in a relationship yet.
There are times where it feels quite painful being alone, but I often think about the positives of being single and vice versa. I'm not desperate to be with anyone, but I'd still be more than happy to begirlfriend the right lady when/ if she comes along.

I don't think i have actually experienced 'family' love. I usually have a kinda 'love/hate' thing going on there but i'm probably the only one that ever even thinks about it. I don't think love has really ever been expressed in a family kinda setting..

But yeah i'm not sure why there's such a rush to just get into a relationship with anyone, i couldn't stand just anyone anyway so that's why i will end up staying single. Most people aren't what i like/want. I am waiting till i find a person who i do think i could get on with.

[Spectrelight]

I like the sound of it but every time I've tried to have a relationship I've gone and ruined it by not being able to let anybody get emotionally close to me. I'm not entirely sure why I do it. I guess I fear that if they get to know me too well they won't like me but with the distance I keep them at it messes things up anyway.