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  #151  
Old 23rd October 2018, 21:59
Mr. Spaceman Mr. Spaceman is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

It's plays on my mind. I have two female cousins, both in their 40s, unmarried and with fairly good careers who have both recently had baby daughters and they're so happy with them. I would love a child of my own but the likelihood of me ever being in a position to be a father is pretty remote. It does make me sad that I'll be the end of the family line, an unbroken line stretching back to the dawn of time, no matter how f*cked up that line is.
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  #152  
Old 23rd October 2018, 23:01
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

^ I don't think about it, but I'm not sure I'm considered normal either! Maybe it's more of a male thing as women are more likely to change their name when they get married at least.
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  #153  
Old 24th October 2018, 00:17
genovese genovese is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Which is better....

Pinning your autistic kid down to put on school uniform
or
Talking and finding a compromise to something more comfortable




(carry on kids...)
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  #154  
Old 24th October 2018, 09:15
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

I do think you have to be very careful about how you word things. There are posters here who are on the autistic spectrum or have ADHD and also people who have children with those conditions. To even slightly suggest that those kids are 'monsters' is extremely hurtful and unfair.
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  #155  
Old 24th October 2018, 09:31
Marco Marco is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Having children isnít for everyone, me included, but the experience of bringing up a child into adulthood can be a truly wonderful one, despite the huge travails that often come with it. I accept this and I realise I may have missed out on this to my cost, but what I donít like is the feeling of being almost stigmatised (maybe thatís too strong a word) or perceived as being somehow less of a person by others for not having children.
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  #156  
Old 24th October 2018, 10:44
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Posts can be badly phrased and misleading. And the word "monster" can be meant in all sorts of ways. Parents affectionately refer to their kids as "little monsters".
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  #157  
Old 24th October 2018, 11:30
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

^ Your post did seem to suggest (which may not have been your intention) that children with certain special needs can behave like 'monsters' and that was the word you used.
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  #158  
Old 24th October 2018, 11:33
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
Apparently, that's "assault"...sigh, it's the nanny state gone mad.

The problem with kids is that you never know what yer gonna get. Even a sweet, mellow child can be hard work. But **** me some parents have monsters. Imagine a kid with ADHD, who never shuts up, never seems to sleep, and leaves you so exhausted that the idea of kissing, let alone making love, to your partner is laughable. Or a kid with autism! I know one mother whose son literally screamed and fought with her every morning before she could get his school uniform on. Her and her husband had to pin him down Ė every ****ing morning. Or imagine having a daughter with anorexia. Or a teenager who gets into drugs.

I often thought I'd like a daughter. I think I'd have been a good father to daughters. But I would have loved them to insanity. And I would have lived in terror 24/7. When they are toddlers you fear paedophiles, and then, when they are teens, you fear bullies, anorexia, self-harming, online groomers, rape, abusive boyfriends, etc. And then what if she wants to go off travelling when she is 18? Or wants to go away to university? The fear would kill me. I have seen enough of life to know what a ****ing awful, merciless world this is. My gift to my kids is never bringing them into this nightmare in the first place.

The two examples you used after you said 'some parents have monsters' were a kid with ADHD and a kid with autism.
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  #159  
Old 24th October 2018, 16:27
Vienna Vienna is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dougella
I do think you have to be very careful about how you word things. There are posters here who are on the autistic spectrum or have ADHD and also people who have children with those conditions. To even slightly suggest that those kids are 'monsters' is extremely hurtful and unfair.
Why don't i say my anti child opinions out loud, well because its frowned upon in todays child worshiping society and I don't really chat to anyone that much.
I'm sick of it really.
I know there are some really friendly intelligent autistic people out there .
I have a cousin who is on the deep end of autistic , last time i saw him we were kids, and he scared the living daylights out of me. He would jump all over the furniture and grab you and pull your hair, he was wild.
Just stating the facts. I felt extremely uncomfortable around him.
I know he can't help it but thats how i felt.
I know they're not all like that.

Moksha is right, many parents refer to their kids as little monsters, whether they have issues or not.

Sorry if i've offended anyone.
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  #160  
Old 24th October 2018, 16:52
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

^ I don't think it's necessarily frowned upon but it obviously depends who you're talking to. If you say to anyone that has kids that you hate kids it's probably not going to go down well! But saying that you don't want to have children or even that you're scared of them is likely to be a bit more understood.


Yes, the same as with any other condition Autistic people are all different. It's fine to say you felt uncomfortable around your cousin if he was behaving like that and you didn't understand it! But like you say not all autistic people are like that so it wouldn't be fair to generalise.


The general rule seems to be it's fine for parents to call their own children names but not for anyone else which is kind of understandable, I reserve the right to complain about my family but I won't stand for anyone else saying anything mean about them.
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  #161  
Old 24th October 2018, 17:39
Vienna Vienna is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dougella
^ I don't think it's necessarily frowned upon but it obviously depends who you're talking to. If you say to anyone that has kids that you hate kids it's probably not going to go down well! But saying that you don't want to have children or even that you're scared of them is likely to be a bit more understood.


Yes, the same as with any other condition Autistic people are all different. It's fine to say you felt uncomfortable around your cousin if he was behaving like that and you didn't understand it! But like you say not all autistic people are like that so it wouldn't be fair to generalise.


The general rule seems to be it's fine for parents to call their own children names but not for anyone else which is kind of understandable, I reserve the right to complain about my family but I won't stand for anyone else saying anything mean about them.
I don't understand the last paragraph.
If I complained about a family member and someone else did too , I wouldn't see anything wrong with it.
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  #162  
Old 24th October 2018, 17:51
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

^ I mean if someone else said something about a member of my family.
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