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  #61  
Old 15th January 2019, 16:58
Jimmy77 Jimmy77 is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by smoted
No sorry but this is wrong. LSD had great success in clinical settings treating alcoholism, before it was banned. I used LSD some years ago, and it made me see everything from a new perspective. All of the ruts in which I'd found myself inescapably embedded, suddenly seemed trivial, I could see what I needed to do to conquer a lot of my problems. .
I read an article in New Scientist about their use. The author said that LSD, Ayahuasca, etc, act like a reset button for the brain, allowing you to free yourself from deeply ingrained patterns of thought. For those with crippling personality disorders, based on old, hardwired, repetitive thoughts, they could prove liberating. I would love to try Ayahuasca, but I'd only do so under medical supervision. Simon Amstell wrote an interesting account of his own experiences with the drug. He claims it was more effective than all his years of therapy combined.
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  #62  
Old 19th January 2019, 19:28
smoted smoted is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

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Originally Posted by Jimmy77
I read an article in New Scientist about their use. The author said that LSD, Ayahuasca, etc, act like a reset button for the brain, allowing you to free yourself from deeply ingrained patterns of thought. For those with crippling personality disorders, based on old, hardwired, repetitive thoughts, they could prove liberating. I would love to try Ayahuasca, but I'd only do so under medical supervision. Simon Amstell wrote an interesting account of his own experiences with the drug. He claims it was more effective than all his years of therapy combined.
What you're describing is precisely what I experienced. It's dumb as hell that even doctors can't use the stuff in a clinical setting, even if they believe it could turn someone's life around. Britain's drug laws are amongst the most embarrassing and childish on the planet.

Ayahuasca is pretty hardcore, the trip just goes on and on and on so I'm told. I've had my fair share of DMT though, which is the same thing without the enzyme inhibitor in ayahuasca which gives rise to its relatively immense duration, and that didn't help me at all. Just sheer chaos really, it's like taking 30 damn LSD blotters at once, and within literally 2 seconds you're so out of it that you're no longer aware that you're even a human being. On a small dose I once watched as my sofa started sweating and panting, had a huge tongue sticking out of its front, then started walking around the room. Incredibly intense experience but ultimately worthless for me personally, same as psilocybin, it's not that it isn't fun, but there's no real utility to it for me personally, unlike LSD which seems to be a legitimately powerful tool.
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  #63  
Old 26th January 2019, 11:24
HaveANiceDay HaveANiceDay is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Returning to the original issue in this thread, in my 40s I was just getting started. I'd also say happiness is overrated. Being particularly unhappy is not good, but beyond that I don't personally see it as a particularly interesting goal. Outside work I'm heavily involved (volunteering and funding) with an organisation that every week saves a lot of lives that most likely wouldn't be saved if I wasn't there. It doesn't usually make me happy, but it does provide meaning. I've never been a parent but my impression is that many parents likewise find meaning rather than happiness in parenting.
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  #64  
Old 23rd February 2019, 03:24
sparx sparx is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Hi Moksha

Itís pretty freaky reading your post - Iím the same age as you, still live at home and basically given up on pretty much everything. Iím a fool for not getting treatment when I first identified I had problems, instead I just let it spiral out of control and now thereís no turning back.

Last time I posted on here was in 2009 - ten years ago, Iím back again and things are worse now than they were then. I had a glimmer of hope back then, but not now.

I hope I donít stumble across any of my old posts, god knows what I posted, but no doubt itíll be too cringe to read ***128514;
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  #65  
Old 23rd February 2019, 04:29
Copernicium Copernicium is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by smoted
No sorry but this is wrong. LSD had great success in clinical settings treating alcoholism, before it was banned. I used LSD some years ago, and it made me see everything from a new perspective. All of the ruts in which I'd found myself inescapably embedded, suddenly seemed trivial, I could see what I needed to do to conquer a lot of my problems. That one experience lingered when i sobered up and I made real progress in tackling alcoholism. I imagine that in a clinical setting with a psychologist, it'd have had a better chance of beating my alcoholism than any other form of treatment i've tried. I also hear that psilocybin (magic mushrooms) yields around an 80% success rate when treating people addicted to nicotine.
The 'all drugs are bad, mkay?' mentality is ignorant, outdated and damaging to society.
Right, so according to you, people with mental health problems should just go ahead and try hallucinogenic drugs because you had a nice trip and you've heard good things about it helping with addiction. I notice however that your nice trip hasn't cured your alcoholism.

Unfortunately mental health problems are as wide ranging and unpredictable as the results of taking hallucinogenic drugs. Anyone who blithely says "yeah, go ahead, it'll give you a new perspective" is playing with fire. You don't know what is going on in other people's heads and to advocate LSD or similar as a golden ticket is irresponsible.
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  #66  
Old 23rd February 2019, 18:12
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by HaveANiceDay
Returning to the original issue in this thread, in my 40s I was just getting started. I'd also say happiness is overrated. Being particularly unhappy is not good, but beyond that I don't personally see it as a particularly interesting goal. Outside work I'm heavily involved (volunteering and funding) with an organisation that every week saves a lot of lives that most likely wouldn't be saved if I wasn't there. It doesn't usually make me happy, but it does provide meaning. I've never been a parent but my impression is that many parents likewise find meaning rather than happiness in parenting.
That's a really nice post, HaveANiceDay, and I think it's lovely that you have found some meaning and purpose in your life by helping others.

Yes, you are right, parenting is very similar to this accept there comes a time when your children grow up and don't need you in the same way any more. This is why I think it's a godsend that there are voluntary organisations available for people to help out at if perhaps they feel that they have started to lose any meaningful sense of purpose within their lives.

Just need to get myself the courage to get involved in something like this
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  #67  
Old 24th February 2019, 16:30
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by sparx
Hi Moksha

Itís pretty freaky reading your post - Iím the same age as you, still live at home and basically given up on pretty much everything. Iím a fool for not getting treatment when I first identified I had problems, instead I just let it spiral out of control and now thereís no turning back.

Last time I posted on here was in 2009 - ten years ago, Iím back again and things are worse now than they were then. I had a glimmer of hope back then, but not now.

I hope I donít stumble across any of my old posts, god knows what I posted, but no doubt itíll be too cringe to read ***128514;
Hi sparx. Sorry to hear things are even worse for you. Compared to ten years ago I'm more isolated (if that is even possible!) but more confident. In my teens and twenties I was crippled by an avoidant personality disorder. Gradually, thanks to time and lots of dating, I gained confidence. I'm more assertive and articulate now, and I care less what other people think of me (the single benefit of ageing). Unfortunately, these changes have come too late. I am trying to psyche myself up to internet date again, but I just can't be bothered. Also, my energy levels are dropping, and so is my libido. I'm at that stage in life when I should be painting the garden fence and watching my kids grow up, not dating. For years I wanted to socialize and date but couldn't; now I can but don't want to!!

That's not to say I'm sorted. I'm not. I still suffer extreme social anxiety and my avoidant personality disorder is still firmly in place. I am also weighed down by toxic shame. Living at home makes things worse. It increases my shame and makes a sex and social life harder. Maybe I'm being over-optimistic, but I feel that even now, at 42, having my own place would be a new lease of life. Turning 30 was awful, but turning 40 was even worse. It really did feel like a kind of death.
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  #68  
Old 24th February 2019, 21:26
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

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Originally Posted by Melangell
You have so much to give, Consolida, you would be an asset to any voluntary organisation xx
I don't feel I have anything good to offer this world but thank you anyway for saying such a kind thing.

I have actually done Voluntary work in the past and although some of it was very fulfilling and the people I was helping to care for were very nice, there was one particular experience that really put me off. It doesn't take much to knock my confidence completely unfortunately
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  #69  
Old 25th February 2019, 02:18
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

^ You're a kind and caring lady and with your past experience as a nurse you would be a asset to any voluntary organisation, I hope one day you do mange to volunteer again.
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  #70  
Old 25th February 2019, 14:05
Sisyphus Sisyphus is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

^^ My little world is made better by the good that you offer by posting in this forum.
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  #71  
Old 25th February 2019, 14:45
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

I agree with both of the above posters
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  #72  
Old 25th February 2019, 22:51
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Thank you so much newbs, Sisyphus and Dougella Your kind comments really made me smile
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  #73  
Old 26th February 2019, 23:43
Blue Salamander Blue Salamander is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Only reading the cut-off title I thought the last word was Birth
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  #74  
Old 28th February 2019, 22:11
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by HaveANiceDay
Returning to the original issue in this thread, in my 40s I was just getting started. I'd also say happiness is overrated. Being particularly unhappy is not good, but beyond that I don't personally see it as a particularly interesting goal. Outside work I'm heavily involved (volunteering and funding) with an organisation that every week saves a lot of lives that most likely wouldn't be saved if I wasn't there. It doesn't usually make me happy, but it does provide meaning. I've never been a parent but my impression is that many parents likewise find meaning rather than happiness in parenting.
Interesting post. I agree that you should aim for a meaningful life rather than a happy one.

When you look at it rationally, expecting happiness is kind of silly. We didn't evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive and reproduce. In our original, nomadic, hunter-gatherer state, most of us would be dead by now; an animal would have got us, or an infected wound, or simple starvation. I do regret never having been young and happy though. In fact, that is probably the bitterest regret of my life. I wish I had a few happy memories to look back on - just a few months in my late teens or early twenties when I felt truly happy and alive. Now, at 42, I'm just grateful not to have a brain tumor or motor neurone disease! Happiness is for the young. When you are young, you have innocence and energy. And you feel immortal. It's not that you can't be happy over 40, but what people call happiness is more like a sort of mellow contentment.
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  #75  
Old 8th March 2019, 19:58
sensitivesoul sensitivesoul is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

I relate to your post and the feeling of shame manifesting shame but as well, over the years, I've realised that what society may dictate to be "the script" that we're meant to follow isn't that important and often doesn't make people any happier. So for instance, I might think people look down on me for not being married, having kids or working full time but as I've got older, I've found it became easier to be self aware and re frame my thinking.

I may not be married but half of marriages end in divorce anyway. Is having one partner for life necessarily realistic in our society? Imagine all the unhappy couples out there?

I work part time but as I said in another thread, I love it. I don't see why a 40 hour week ought to be considered "the norm".

I don't have children and whilst it makes it harder to relate to other women and make friends, there's still some women out there like me who don't have any and some women with kids don't mind or even welcome childfree friends.

Personally, I respect people who get along with their parents enough to live at home, it makes MUCH more sense to share a house with people you're comfortable with and to save money, rather than struggle with rent for some greedy landlord to benefit from.
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