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  #61  
Old 24th February 2019, 21:26
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Melangell
You have so much to give, Consolida, you would be an asset to any voluntary organisation xx
I don't feel I have anything good to offer this world but thank you anyway for saying such a kind thing.

I have actually done Voluntary work in the past and although some of it was very fulfilling and the people I was helping to care for were very nice, there was one particular experience that really put me off. It doesn't take much to knock my confidence completely unfortunately
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  #62  
Old 25th February 2019, 02:18
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

^ You're a kind and caring lady and with your past experience as a nurse you would be a asset to any voluntary organisation, I hope one day you do mange to volunteer again.
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  #63  
Old 25th February 2019, 14:05
Sisyphus Sisyphus is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

^^ My little world is made better by the good that you offer by posting in this forum.
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  #64  
Old 25th February 2019, 14:45
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

I agree with both of the above posters
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  #65  
Old 25th February 2019, 22:51
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Thank you so much newbs, Sisyphus and Dougella Your kind comments really made me smile
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  #66  
Old 26th February 2019, 23:43
Blue Salamander Blue Salamander is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Only reading the cut-off title I thought the last word was Birth
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  #67  
Old 28th February 2019, 22:11
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by HaveANiceDay
Returning to the original issue in this thread, in my 40s I was just getting started. I'd also say happiness is overrated. Being particularly unhappy is not good, but beyond that I don't personally see it as a particularly interesting goal. Outside work I'm heavily involved (volunteering and funding) with an organisation that every week saves a lot of lives that most likely wouldn't be saved if I wasn't there. It doesn't usually make me happy, but it does provide meaning. I've never been a parent but my impression is that many parents likewise find meaning rather than happiness in parenting.
Interesting post. I agree that you should aim for a meaningful life rather than a happy one.

When you look at it rationally, expecting happiness is kind of silly. We didn't evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive and reproduce. In our original, nomadic, hunter-gatherer state, most of us would be dead by now; an animal would have got us, or an infected wound, or simple starvation. I do regret never having been young and happy though. In fact, that is probably the bitterest regret of my life. I wish I had a few happy memories to look back on - just a few months in my late teens or early twenties when I felt truly happy and alive. Now, at 42, I'm just grateful not to have a brain tumor or motor neurone disease! Happiness is for the young. When you are young, you have innocence and energy. And you feel immortal. It's not that you can't be happy over 40, but what people call happiness is more like a sort of mellow contentment.
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  #68  
Old 8th March 2019, 19:58
sensitivesoul sensitivesoul is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

I relate to your post and the feeling of shame manifesting shame but as well, over the years, I've realised that what society may dictate to be "the script" that we're meant to follow isn't that important and often doesn't make people any happier. So for instance, I might think people look down on me for not being married, having kids or working full time but as I've got older, I've found it became easier to be self aware and re frame my thinking.

I may not be married but half of marriages end in divorce anyway. Is having one partner for life necessarily realistic in our society? Imagine all the unhappy couples out there?

I work part time but as I said in another thread, I love it. I don't see why a 40 hour week ought to be considered "the norm".

I don't have children and whilst it makes it harder to relate to other women and make friends, there's still some women out there like me who don't have any and some women with kids don't mind or even welcome childfree friends.

Personally, I respect people who get along with their parents enough to live at home, it makes MUCH more sense to share a house with people you're comfortable with and to save money, rather than struggle with rent for some greedy landlord to benefit from.
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  #69  
Old 17th July 2019, 09:52
Tonkin Tonkin is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
And I have lived with toxic, crippling shame for 30 years.
Have you found a way to get over the shame?
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  #70  
Old 30th July 2019, 19:54
Northern Natterer Northern Natterer is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

I really hope the saying life starts at 40 holds true, I'm rapidly approaching that and as others, still live at home etc. Sometimes you feel like life has passed you by but the thought of going out there and making things happen is scary. Is my anxiety too deep rooted to ever be better?
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  #71  
Old 30th July 2019, 21:55
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

^ I'm in my 40s and in quite many respects doing my best ever, certainly socially. Anxiety seems to improve partly with age and partly with putting yourself out there.
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  #72  
Old 7th August 2019, 20:52
Northern Natterer Northern Natterer is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

Quote:
Originally Posted by limey123
^ I'm in my 40s and in quite many respects doing my best ever, certainly socially. Anxiety seems to improve partly with age and partly with putting yourself out there.
I shall keep my fingers crossed that the age thing does help! Glad to hear you are doing so well
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  #73  
Old 9th August 2019, 21:42
Dolittle Dolittle is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

I've reached 40 and like the idea of life begining at 40. I've made a promise to myself to make improvements in my life. I've started posting here and I'm going to give CBT a go hopefully.
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  #74  
Old 10th August 2019, 15:33
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

^ I hope the CBT goes well
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