Bodybuilding

[Blue Haze 2]

Originally Posted by ar90

Dont tell yourself that mate, you can get it back, i beleive if you remember how it feels to be happy and have been at a higher point in life before, you can get that back, just like muscle memory.

I just got my letter through the post comfirming my referal, gonna make my appointment on monday and hopefully take some steps forward!

Thank you. It's weird how funny stuff happens to us but that's life. Shit happens for a reason and all this will only make me a stronger man.

[hidden_away]

..

[Blue Haze 2]

^ You look in good shape in the second pic mate!! How long did it take you to put all that on? From the 1st pic to 2nd.

[Grinder]

Hidden, you do seem to have naturally quite low body fat. In contrast to me, whatever weight I am I still carry a certain amount of subcutaneous fat on my mid-section and other areas. If I wanted to be lean like your second picture I would really need to target my body fat % with a specialist diet. I can do the weightlifting part no problem. Out of laziness I have never properly investigated the fat loss thing and am quite envious of people like you that are naturally quite lean. Probaly no consolation to you but in my perspective your're lucky to have your body. Your're only problem is eating too much and being inactive like you say. I always found that was the easiest part. It's nailing the diet that's the hard part.

[hidden_away]

Blue I would Say it took me about a year.

I see what you're saying about having a low body fat but I'm actually 16 stone now and have a high body fat. I seem to have a huge bloat on my mid section. I'm pretty sure a lot of this is down to my anti depressants than I am on but I am coming off them now.

I feel really down and rubbish when I look at myself now. I have not lifted for years and for those years I have read so much more about weightlifting and I believe I could progress a lot better than before but I just can't pull myself to go.

Any of you guys fancy posting some before and after pics? Maybe we should make a progress thread to egg each other on? As long as it is after may the 10th as I am having 2 toe nails removed lol.

[hidden_away]

What do you guys think can be achieved naturally? Without the use of gear?

Is there any examples you can post? I will admit I do wonder if I am ever really going to see a mass improvement naturally?

My goal would be:



Is this achievable naturally ?

[ar90]

I didnt see your pics hidden? did you take em down?

That can be acheived naturally, just look at the NPA Britain.

[ar90]

First day in the gym, sometime in 09, 10st



Just before my diet, sometime in 10, 14st




Show day, 10, 11st 3




Early 2011, 15st bulked, showing my belly off lol, Ignore the date on that, hadnt bothered to set it on my phone

[Blue Haze 2]

^ Looking pretty big in that last pic mate. What's your height?

[ar90]

Yeah that was my biggest, carrying some fat but i didnt care then! im 5'8

[hidden_away]

...

[Blue Haze 2]

Originally Posted by hidden_away

What do you guys think can be achieved naturally? Without the use of gear?

Is there any examples you can post? I will admit I do wonder if I am ever really going to see a mass improvement naturally?

My goal would be:



Is this achievable naturally ?

Yeah, but it'd take years of training, proper diet etc...

[ar90]

Originally Posted by hidden_away

lol mate you put me to shame!! You look really cut. Can see you was dedicated!

You can see you are well put together from those pics, if you carried more muscle you would produce a nice shape, definately potential!

[hidden_away]

Thanks mate. It's good to hear that of someone who was in your shape.

Do you have plans to get back into bodybuilding? Have you thought about just staying in shape and not going back into the competing side of things? I can see why It triggered your SA. There is so much preparation in cutting you that level of BF % you went down to. and then to stand in front of those judges and be scored is something I really could never do.

I am going to get back into it next month. I have to have 2 ingrown toe nails ripped out on the 2nd of may so there is no chance me going this month.

When I start lifting again I will be doing a 3 day split and following mark ripptoes starting strength. I always did love doing those big compound lifts.

[ar90]

Originally Posted by hidden_away

Thanks mate. It's good to hear that of someone who was in your shape.

Do you have plans to get back into bodybuilding? Have you thought about just staying in shape and not going back into the competing side of things? I can see why It triggered your SA. There is so much preparation in cutting you that level of BF % you went down to. and then to stand in front of those judges and be scored is something I really could never do.

I am going to get back into it next month. I have to have 2 ingrown toe nails ripped out on the 2nd of may so there is no chance me going this month.

When I start lifting again I will be doing a 3 day split and following mark ripptoes starting strength. I always did love doing those big compound lifts.

Yeah i definately want to compete again, when i think back to standing infront of those judges, not nervous atall, i felt on top of the world and i wont stop until i get that feeling again, i was so happy!

But yeah i have to accept that some aspects of what i did contributed to my current problems and ill have to do things differently once i get through this, its been so hard to come to terms with how i stood infront of a crowd of people in my undies with fake tan on being judged by some of the best in british bodybuilding, now i can barely go out the house in fear of beng judged? and by who i dont know?

I take one positive from it though, this can happen to anybody, im not weak because of it, you can be in the highest place, on top of the world and this can happen to you.

Its good your going back, hopefully it will help with your confidence and anxiety issues, you have a really small gap in the centre of your chest and wide collar bones, along with nicely shaped delts, start building on it

[hidden_away]

It sounds like you have got into a pretty bad position with your SA. I have been in the same boat for about 2 years. I am actually a member at the local gym which I pay 19.50 a month for. When i joined I was pretty damn anxious and I went for about a week and then stopped going. I just couldn't hack it. Have not been back in 7 months. I am thinking that when I got back in there they will challenge me being a member and question me about it.

Have you got yourself in to see a doctor yet? It's possible it could go a lot deeper than bodybuilding mate? Maybe something traumatic in your childhood? Maybe you need some medication for the time being and need to go see a mental health nurse.

I do think we should get a bodybuilding thread going where we basically write out starting stats and use it to keep a log and track on our progress, I think it will help up motivate each other?

[ar90]

Its crazy isnt it? the tiny little things like that which bother us and shouldnt, I have seen a doctor, they prescribed me citolopram? im currently using 20ml and it has helped a little, although i havent been facing situations to know where my anxiety levels are at.

I just got my referral through the post a couple of days a go, im gonna make my appointment on monday and hope it helps, things need to get better soon i have become too content and happy with staying in avoiding stuff rather than facing it! theres a few things in my past id like to address with my therapist, really looking forward to it, The thread will be a good idea, if we can get a few of us to return to the gym! lol

Whats your story mate? are you using meds? have you had any type of therapy or plan too?

[hidden_away]

Good on you for going mate. Well I was also put on the same as you. started off on 10 put then was put up to 20 mg. I had to drop down because it had a bad side effect where I just couldn't stop sweating no matter what the weather. It also turned me into a zombie where I just felt drowsy all day. I then went back down to 10 mg and have now decided to come off them because they are not doing anything for me. While on these pills i also put on a huge amount of weight so just watch what you eat mate. I'm talking 3 stones worth and shitty stretch marks to prove it lol. The pills helped at first because they blunted all my emotions and helped a little with the physical side effects of SA but it has now warn off.

I was seeing a Mental health nurse and he was a really good guy and he helped me talk about me past and helped me to identify why I am like I am. Sadly I stopped going to see him because I am back into my safety behavior which I have pretty much been in since the age of 16.

I am like I am because of my mum and my ex step farther. She basically from a very young age put all of her problems on me. She discussed things she really shouldn't of. Like adult problems and as a young child of 6-7 I shouldn't never of been hearing these sorts of things. She then met a guy who who a complete asshole. He was violent and abusive and controlling. Hr pretty much put me down all day everyday. My mum cared more for him than me. When they would argue and I wasn't there she would tell me how violent he had been to her like once he strangled her until it went black. She really should not of told me all of this from a young age. All I started to worry abut was when he was going to throw his next temper. I used to tread on egg shells all the time. The sad thing was my mum could of got rid of him anytime she wanted but she didn't. She is an evil selfish woman. She has stolen off me and said the most evil things you could say to a child mate.

She then got with another guy who was pretty much the same. It all ended with her and him arguing and me sticking up for me mum and having a butchers knife put up to my throat. I then went to live with my nan because my mum still wouldn't leave him.

I am pretty much afraid of any kind of confrontation with other men now and also worried that Anything i do will result in a fight. because of my shyness is has always allowed me to pretty much be the butt of jokes because I never say anything back.

I have a shit load of anger inside of me and I hope one day to be able to stick up for myself and not look at the world as I do today.

Sorry for the essay mate. It is a lot deeper than that but I don't want to wrote pages and pages lol.

[ar90]

My story is similar, my mum was always in abusive violent relationships and i saw stuff which i shouldnt have, my mum being beaten up and vice versa, she also told me she was gay when i was really young which messed with my head for a long time, im fine with that now though, shes always smoked alot of weed around me as a child too, and still does.

My mum was a strong woman mind and she wanted best for me, she did eventually get rid of her abusive partners and has been single since i was a young teen, shes spent all of her life making it up to me though, teaching me how to be strong and look after myself after all that, which is why i think iv had " on and off " periods in my life.

That ... plus using class A drugs from 13-17 ish, i hammered a lot of pills, coke, ketamine, you name it i did it and that brought on my first period of depression, one day i just woke up and i didnt know what hit me, all the negative feelings in the world just slapped me in the face and i couldnt explain to anybody how i felt, i ended up seeking help and did some kind of therapy called camhs? this helped and for a year or so i was fine .. but my depression eventualy resurfaced in the form of anxiety, id have panic attacks at home and the only thing that made me feel better was being with friends, id never even heard of social anxiety at this point.

My SA started not so long ago, after a long positive period in my life i started to feel anxious around people and less confident, to the point i couldnt bear to be stood behind the bar where i worked, in fear of being judged or critisized, the only thing i had was my physique and the gym ... atleast i thought thats all i had, SA took that away from me and im now left with nothing, except my girlfriend and my mum who are supportive and understanding, theyle help me get through i think.

The only things in life that tend to keep me happy are sports, after my bout of drugs i turned to boxing and that helped me for a year or so, i got bored and started drinking, got bored of that and turned to bodybuilding, now here i am! a broken warrior!

[hidden_away]

Sounds awful mate. Think we are in the same boat. Im 25 and when I was 21 my dad told me for the first time that he was gay.... I was pretty shocked but at least I knew why he left my mum when I was just a baby.

It's a crazy world mate I suppose we are just on a journey to find our own cures.

[ar90]

Thats it, hopefully our unique experiences and our ability to eventually conquer our unusual fears will one day make us better people.

Chin up mate, lets beat it

[hidden_away]

Originally Posted by ar90

Thats it, hopefully our unique experiences and our ability to eventually conquer our unusual fears will one day make us better people.

Chin up mate, lets beat it

[Blue Haze 2]

Originally Posted by hidden_away

It's a crazy world mate I suppose we are just on a journey to find our own cures.

This.

I'm going back on the gear and doing proper pct this time. The whole lot including hcg.

[hidden_away]

Originally Posted by Blue Haze 2

This.

I'm going back on the gear and doing proper pct this time. The whole lot including hcg.

I don't for now that will fix your social anxiety mate.

[Blue Haze 2]

Originally Posted by hidden_away

I don't for now that will fix your social anxiety mate.

It probably won't, but It'll fix my depression, non existent libido, no appetite, skinnyness etc... I know if I start taking that, I'll start eating again. Even weed doesn't give me the muchies anymore. Nothing does. Even alcohol doesn't make me hungry.

[hidden_away]

Originally Posted by Blue Haze 2

It probably won't, but It'll fix my depression, non existent libido, no appetite, skinnyness etc... I know if I start taking that, I'll start eating again. Even weed doesn't give me the muchies anymore. Nothing does. Even alcohol doesn't make me hungry.

Is that to do with depression also?

[Blue Haze 2]

Originally Posted by hidden_away

Is that to do with depression also?

I'm not sure mate. I've been depressed before many times but it never killed my drive, and I could still eat 3+ meals a day. This is something different. I feel like a zombie, I really do.

[hidden_away]

Originally Posted by Blue Haze 2

I'm not sure mate. I've been depressed before many times but it never killed my drive, and I could still eat 3+ meals a day. This is something different. I feel like a zombie, I really do.

If I remember right you said you was taking a lot of cocaine? That is a huge appetite suppressor. Also you said you have lot a lot of weight wel that would in turn of caused your stomach to shrink extremely. I don't know if you was also drinking a lot as well.

I thin it sounds like a mixture of things for you. A lack of testosterone can really affect your life that's for sure mixed with depression and drug and alcohol abuse, well that's just a black hole.

I think as soon as you get TRT treatment you should go on some new meds that will help with your depression and if you're still on the drugs and drink then get off them asap.

Did you know that some SSRI's actually make testosterone levels drop dramatically in some men?

It sound's like you're going through a lot mate but just take one small step at a time. I know people like us who h ave posted in this thread CAN do it but it's just us finding our ways and finding the inspiration to change that is the difficult part!

[Blue Haze 2]

Originally Posted by hidden_away

If I remember right you said you was taking a lot of cocaine? That is a huge appetite suppressor. Also you said you have lot a lot of weight wel that would in turn of caused your stomach to shrink extremely. I don't know if you was also drinking a lot as well.

I thin it sounds like a mixture of things for you. A lack of testosterone can really affect your life that's for sure mixed with depression and drug and alcohol abuse, well that's just a black hole.

I think as soon as you get TRT treatment you should go on some new meds that will help with your depression and if you're still on the drugs and drink then get off them asap.

Did you know that some SSRI's actually make testosterone levels drop dramatically in some men?

It sound's like you're going through a lot mate but just take one small step at a time. I know people like us who h ave posted in this thread CAN do it but it's just us finding our ways and finding the inspiration to change that is the difficult part!

Thanks mate. I know its my Test levels that are doing this to me. I was only drinking and taking drugs because of this. I've had gyno, erectile dysfunction, the whole lot of symptoms. Every one of them. A nightmare for a man who's not even that old. Lost a woman I liked so much and then every part of me started to shatter. My bones feel like they could snap any minute.

[The Chosen One]

Im going to the gym more often but Im too nervous to ask about how to learn more exercises. Espeically with weights.

I cannot bring myself to ask someone to show me how to do a proper bench press. Or a squat and show me the proper form. Theres always lots of people at the gym. Maybe I might need to hire a personal trainer for a week just to show me the key things I need to do.

My build is slim, a little bit of a belly (skinny fat) but the belly has gone down in the past few weeks. So I just want to bulk up without piling the weight on.