I have nowhere to sleep

[pinkwafer]

Hi

My brother, his wife, and child are visiting atm from Sydney. I live with my parents, and sister, in a small house. The house has three bedrooms, the smallest of which is mine and is tiny.


My brother and his wife are very wealthy - they are both doctors. But they are not staying in a hotel for some reason, instead they are here. They are sleeping in my sister's room, and my sister in my room.


I had no choice about all this. Well, they did try making me stay at my other brother's flat, sleeping on his sofa. I had to sleep on the sofa in this house last night. I had to watch my alcoholic father getting drunk until 11:30pm (which was a miracle for him, he's usually up until the early hours).


Except, my sister has to be up earlier than me to get to university. To me it doesn't make sense why I should sleep on the sofa, when she has to be up before me, therefore waking me up, but no one else sees it that way.


I'm just feeling very grumpy. I got shit quality of sleep, not enough sleep (My brother came down twice to get a drink, once at three, then at five).


What are other people's opinions on this?


Am I really in wrong in saying that I shouldn't be kicked out of my room?


I said to her this morning that I want to sleep in my room on Tuesday night, because I can't get three hours sleep when I'm at work. She started shouting, saying I am immature, etc etc and that 'I'm not sleeping on a sofa when I've just started university'.


Also, I have a question. It's just my sister's enrollment today at university. But she says she has to go in every day at nine for the 'social side' of it all. Is she lying? I thought freshers week was all about going out drinking on the night?

[wintertulip]

Could you tell your brother and his wife in great detail how crap the lack of sleep is making you feel, and how it's going to impact on your work? They might take the hint and get a hotel.

[Optimistic]

It sucks but I can't see anything changing. Your brother has been invited here ad they are being treated as 'guests', your sister needs to be up earlier than you and unfortunately even if it's unfair, it's not your house so you can't choose the rules.

Sucks but nothing you can do. You can talk to your bro but it's not his fault if he decides he still wants to stay there rather than a hotel.

And yes I can understand what your sis is saying about getting there early, even if it's just for the social side of it. Especially in the first few weeks when it's important to make some friends.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by becky1789

My brother and his wife are very wealthy - they are both doctors. But they are not staying in a hotel for some reason, instead they are here.

your way with words does make me lol sometimes becky

[Leif Erikson]

I think you have a word with your parents saying can you swap with someone for a couple of nights as you are not getting any sleep. Another alternative is to get some earplugs from Boots - actually can you stay at a friends for one night?

[Duke of Prunes]

Might not be the right way to go about it, but personally if I were in a similar situation, I'd just take my room back by force without consideration for whoever was squatting in there. My willingness to give a crap has it's limits, and that kind of situation would go far beyond it; consideration and respect should be mutual and that's clearly not the case here. It sounds like you're just being pushed around by your family.

[Sea]

Originally Posted by becky1789

What are other people's opinions on this?
Am I really in wrong in saying that I shouldn't be kicked out of my room

In my opinion, no you're not wrong. It's your room, and your visiting relatives clearly have the means to stay somewhere else. I would be (a) furious and (b) really upset if my parents treated me like that (based on the info you have given us). It shows a total lack of respect.
Maybe its time you thought about moving out?

[Azi]

I'd have a quiet chat with your mum about how you should be asked first, and then see if you can come to some sort of deal with your sister about sharing the room ie you have it when you need to get up for work, she has it the rest of the time.

I really feel for you - sounds like a pretty stressful time.

[Leif Erikson]

I have heard of people who have had to sleep on the floor or a sports centre because their Halls of Residence were not ready! Your sister is very lucky. If you are desperate get some slugs and put them in your room - that will get rid of her!

[Johnni]

Im unware of the dynamic of the family but if i remember from your previous posts your family don't treat you all that great. I guess they see your sister starting uni as more important than your job so thus she gets the room co she needs a good night sleep etc and all that. I would move out asap but i know you are trying having moved back home recently.

I'm the youngest of 5 and i still get treated like the youngest even though im 30. I get treated like a child sometimes and things like people staying over im expected to give up my room etc and its not like i'm asked to, im told and even before i have said anything in response they get all arsey like 'you have to' lol.
Can't wait to move out!

[Rubik]

I sympathise with you, I'd be pissed to be blunt. Do you have a sleeping bag so both you and your sister can use your room? Fresher's week is hardly demanding work, she doesn't have much of an argument in my opinion.

[Azi]

Is your sister anxious too? Maybe your mum is trying to be sensitive to the fact that starting uni can be mega-stressful, and not realising the impact it's having on you? Also, is she the youngest? It's unfair, but parents tend to be 'softer' on the baby of the family.

Try and come to some sort of agreement, and try to look on the bright side (it's temporary, you can see your brother and his wife, etc) and maybe use it as a catalyst to spreading your wings and leaving the nest?

[kingandduck]

When my sister and her family come to stay I have to give up my room because they have kids and need their own private space.

As a 22 year old, I don't exactly like them living in my room for the weekend and I don't like sleeping on the sofa, but hey, I don't own the house. It's not my house, I pay a little bit of rent and that's it.

I can't really complain.

[pinkwafer]

A lot of replies!! I will try to respond to them all. Thank you for taking the time to reply, means a lot.


I know she has just started uni. There is a difference between meeting up with a group of people and going for a drink... I need to concentrate in my job. I'm not exaggerating here, this morning I answered the phone and I swear the person went 'hi it's Dan from Taskmaster'... except he didn't, he said something like 'hi it's X from A&E'.... I was half asleep. I guess I'm scared of not been able to perform properly.... good reasons to get rid of me.

Originally Posted by wintertulip

Could you tell your brother and his wife in great detail how crap the lack of sleep is making you feel, and how it's going to impact on your work? They might take the hint and get a hotel.

I could, but I'd feel awful in saying so. Today I felt like I was drunk I was that tired. I honestly think that they don't think they should be staying elsewhere...

Originally Posted by Defiance

your way with words does make me lol sometimes becky

well it's bloody well true!!! I mean there's tight, and then there's taking the micky.

Originally Posted by Leif Erikson

I think you have a word with your parents saying can you swap with someone for a couple of nights as you are not getting any sleep. Another alternative is to get some earplugs from Boots - actually can you stay at a friends for one night?

I have some earplugs but I can't put them in properly I have to try to use them anyway because I wake up in the night with my dad making noise...


but they don't work unfortunately. I have no friends I can stay at, blah.


My parents - nah. They don't really care about my not having anywhere to sleep.

Originally Posted by Duke of Prunes

Might not be the right way to go about it, but personally if I were in a similar situation, I'd just take my room back by force without consideration for whoever was squatting in there. My willingness to give a crap has it's limits, and that kind of situation would go far beyond it; consideration and respect should be mutual and that's clearly not the case here. It sounds like you're just being pushed around by your family.

You don't know my sister. She shouts and screams, then cries. If I just said 'I'm sleeping in there', she would throw a tantrum like a child. They of course would side with her just to shut her up. That's how they are with her.

Originally Posted by Dory

In my opinion, no you're not wrong. It's your room, and your visiting relatives clearly have the means to stay somewhere else. I would be (a) furious and (b) really upset if my parents treated me like that (based on the info you have given us). It shows a total lack of respect.
Maybe its time you thought about moving out?

I do want to move out. But, I'm stuck here for a while. I guess how they treat me compared to my siblings is just ridiculous.


It's like another thing... I pay my mother rent. I know what I pay is very cheap compared to living in a flat alone, but I'm very good to my parents with like cleaning for them etc because they've messed up their health and are unable to do a lot of things. My sister on the other hand, does bugger all and it's like well, what am I to them?

Originally Posted by Azi

I'd have a quiet chat with your mum about how you should be asked first, and then see if you can come to some sort of deal with your sister about sharing the room ie you have it when you need to get up for work, she has it the rest of the time.

I really feel for you - sounds like a pretty stressful time.

I am going to talk to my mother about this when my brother leaves.


I do get stressed out very easily. I'm very much into routine, so this is a big deal to me. I know it sounds weird, but I feel stressed out and anxious that I can't hoover the carpet in my bedroom. I know that's probably a bit OCD, but still, I can't help it.


My sister is very nice when I give her things (like pay for cinema etc). But other times she is very aggressive and selfish. In her view, it is her right to sleep in my bed, and that lack of sleep and no bed to sleep on should not be a big deal to me.

Originally Posted by Leif Erikson

I have heard of people who have had to sleep on the floor or a sports centre because their Halls of Residence were not ready! Your sister is very lucky. If you are desperate get some slugs and put them in your room - that will get rid of her!

For a whole year she was threatening 'I am gonna move out soon when I go to uni!'... this was in response to anything she didn't like. The year passes, and she decides she wants to live at home. Why wouldn't she? She has it great here. She can behave like a young child making demands and get what she wants.

Originally Posted by woof

no you shouldnt be kicked out of your room esp as they are wealthy. if i was your bro and i could afford it id sleep at a hotel! i think thats abit cheeky of them!

In his position, I would too. I don't understand it myself. Damn right it's cheeky.

Originally Posted by Johnni

Im unware of the dynamic of the family but if i remember from your previous posts your family don't treat you all that great. I guess they see your sister starting uni as more important than your job so thus she gets the room co she needs a good night sleep etc and all that. I would move out asap but i know you are trying having moved back home recently.

I'm the youngest of 5 and i still get treated like the youngest even though im 30. I get treated like a child sometimes and things like people staying over im expected to give up my room etc and its not like i'm asked to, im told and even before i have said anything in response they get all arsey like 'you have to' lol.
Can't wait to move out!

Yeah that's just it, that's exactly how they see it. But honestly, if I lose this job, I know it'll push me into a really bad depression. It's all I have really


I'm not the youngest - my sister is. But they've always treated me as the youngest in a lot of ways such as this one.


Take today...

The phone rang before I got home. It was the counselling service my nurse referred me to. I knew it was them, because I got home, and my parents started quizzing me saying 'someone rang for you but when your dad asked who it was, they said they couldn't disclose it'... 'who was it?'... 'you can't have people ringing our phone and not tell them who it is'.


So, let me get this straight. I have to tell them all my personal business? I don't think so. They were angry at me for not telling them.

Originally Posted by Spark2

I sympathise with you, I'd be pissed to be blunt. Do you have a sleeping bag so both you and your sister can use your room? Fresher's week is hardly demanding work, she doesn't have much of an argument in my opinion.

my room is tiny, the floor space is too small to sleep on....

Originally Posted by Azi

Is your sister anxious too? Maybe your mum is trying to be sensitive to the fact that starting uni can be mega-stressful, and not realising the impact it's having on you? Also, is she the youngest? It's unfair, but parents tend to be 'softer' on the baby of the family.

Try and come to some sort of agreement, and try to look on the bright side (it's temporary, you can see your brother and his wife, etc) and maybe use it as a catalyst to spreading your wings and leaving the nest?

My sister anxious? Not in the same way I am. She was bothered about having to get up early and actually have to go somewhere (she v.lazy). She is quite loud, confident, makes friends easy type. I imagine she was a little nervous, but not the way I would get over something like that.


By the time my mother had her, my parents were both older and so had less energy and stuff. She was a difficult toddler, throwing tantrums a lot and stuff, hard work. Being soft was the easiest option for them with her... but look how she has turned out as a result.


I'm glad to see their baby, but I know it sounds odd but I don't feel much emotional attachment to my brother. I guess it's because he's been away a long time... and also this -


I just can't forget that time when he was drunk and trapped me in bed with him. I was 11 at the time, and the bed he trapped me in was my own. He is a tall, well built man, and he had his legs around me. He was hurting me and wouldn't let me go. My mother knew this was going on because she could hear me crying but ignored it. He was a very aggressive drunk, and she let him be. Anyway, he grabbed my face and squeezed my cheeks really hard and said 'look at you, you're ugly' over and over again.


After that, I've never been able to look at him the same. He was my big brother, he was supposed to be the good one, and it hurt me so much.


I just can't shift that memory. I think about it a lot.


Yeah, I move out when I can. Be good to be away from the lot of them.



Tonight I'm sleeping on my other brother's sofa. It's the same with this brother - he did things to me as a kid.. and I feel so resentful towards him a lot of the time.