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  #1  
Old 17th October 2018, 15:35
healingsoul healingsoul is offline
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Default What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

friends...

I am not a parent but I think maybe to screen them for any learning difficulties, neurological differences (idk if that is the right word, but I mean for autism and stuff) and for disorders. Always finding it hard to make friends myself, I think maybe I process stuff differently to a typical person and that led to anxiety as not much was done about it by the adults around me or they didnít know why I was shy.

Of cause I think social skills training would be useful as well.
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  #2  
Old 17th October 2018, 18:03
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

Children are assessed from the minute they enter the education system these days. Problems such as autism will always be flagged up.

Do you mind me asking when you were in the school system? When I was at school it was sink or swim, there was no real pastoral support.
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  #3  
Old 17th October 2018, 19:31
healingsoul healingsoul is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

1998, reception. I think that maybe autism, special needs were flagged up but my mum probably refused to accept it.

I don't know if that was right or wrong, I feel she probably should have tried helping me if she didn't want to accept others advice, rather her way of helping was in an oppressive way, shaming me for not having friends, telling me not to move in certain ways. I have a cousin in America, who moved there son to Nigeria when teachers were saying the child had ADHD. I don't speak to them but know the son moved back did high school football through online spying, and the parent seems much more social and integrated than mines.
So I don't feel her decision would have negatively impacted her son. But then also the School I went to didn't do any social skills training or anything and, I think, probably had a limited view on stuff like autism. Thinking about it I think even nowadays, a teacher could easily misunderstand someone who processes stuff differently or is autistic mainly due to seeing special needs, don't want to sound offensive, as limited or less than rather than just different.

I'm on an access course, I think I have been assessed but also don't feel the pastoral support has been that good so far. But then again it is a college for adults that I attend.

I do believe though, finding it hard to make friends, at a young age is a clear marker that something may be wrong or different with the child and shouldn't be ignored. I know in High School my shyness was ignored or seen as a frustraition to a few teachers, they never attempted to look into it, but then it was a failing school.
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Old 17th October 2018, 19:46
I Love My Cats I Love My Cats is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

My wee guy was flagged up as potentially having autism at 27-30 months. They tend to try to catch them early. We've had speech and language help for about a year and I've just finished an evening course about improving his communication.

From a friend point of view, he is quite a solitary wee guy. Prefers spending time with me or his dad or another adult. He gets freaked out when other kids enter his space 'NO! Go away, boy!'. The course has taught me not to push him as he just gets more panicky. I've to gradually build up his time with kids and try to get tkids he accepts sharing activities for 5 mins, initially and try to build it up. I think forcing interaction could be almost as harmful as having no interaction at all as I think he would store up those bad experiences and get more fearful.

As a result of all of this I now think I'm autistic myself, or at least I possess quite a lot of autistic traits.
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Old 17th October 2018, 20:24
healingsoul healingsoul is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Love My Cats
My wee guy was flagged up as potentially having autism at 27-30 months. They tend to try to catch them early. We've had speech and language help for about a year and I've just finished an evening course about improving his communication.

From a friend point of view, he is quite a solitary wee guy. Prefers spending time with me or his dad or another adult. He gets freaked out when other kids enter his space 'NO! Go away, boy!'. The course has taught me not to push him as he just gets more panicky. I've to gradually build up his time with kids and try to get tkids he accepts sharing activities for 5 mins, initially and try to build it up. I think forcing interaction could be almost as harmful as having no interaction at all as I think he would store up those bad experiences and get more fearful.

As a result of all of this I now think I'm autistic myself, or at least I possess quite a lot of autistic traits.
That's great. yeah I agree that interaction shouldn't be forced. However, it should be encouraged.
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  #6  
Old 17th October 2018, 20:57
lone*star lone*star is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

Why assume that intervention is necessary in the first place? To try and fit a square peg into a round hole perhaps?

We're all unique individuals, so why not celebrate that uniqueness (in all children) rather than be concerned that some of them are naturally less social than others?

Life is a learning process - and perhaps this is one of the biggest lessons of all to learn (for everyone) - to understand, accept, and above all allow each and every child to be able to feel ok in simply being their true, natural selves; rather than pressurizing them all to conform to some idealistic, socially desirable standard.
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  #7  
Old 17th October 2018, 21:49
healingsoul healingsoul is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

^Because of my life experience, I don't think intervention has to be forceful though. I don't think experiencing bullying in Primary School with not much intervention, apart from "stand up for yourself" or "ignore the bullies" made me feel proud in myself, in fact I can say it has done the opposite.
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  #8  
Old 17th October 2018, 22:29
I Love My Cats I Love My Cats is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

Quote:
Originally Posted by lone*star
Why assume that intervention is necessary in the first place? To try and fit a square peg into a round hole perhaps?

We're all unique individuals, so why not celebrate that uniqueness (in all children) rather than be concerned that some of them are naturally less social than others?

Life is a learning process - and perhaps this is one of the biggest lessons of all to learn (for everyone) - to understand, accept, and above all allow each and every child to be able to feel ok in simply being their true, natural selves; rather than pressurizing them all to conform to some idealistic, socially desirable standard.
I agree with a lot of your views in principle. My wee guy's speech was a bit delayed, so I welcomed advice on how to best encourage its development as I feel this is a fundamental skill.

However, I view life a bit differently now I'm a mum. I now don't even try to go out for a drink at night. It's not something I've ever found easy and it wasn't something that fitted for me. I was trying too hard to conform to social norms and ultimately I only felt worse for it. For me, it's not a measure of success anymore to say I survived such an event. My measure of success is having the confidence to say it's not how I want to socialise and to feel comfortable in expressing this and not embarrassed by it. I have ways of socialising on my terms and that's what I want to do and I get happier experiences from following thrpugh the stuff I like and value.

When I was growing up, my brother clearly had Aspergers and was never diagnosed. He struggled socially and couldn't build or keep friendships and school was a living hell for him. I think the advantage of being picked up early is that needs are flagged up early, so more chance of a more flexible approach from schools and other places. I also feel understanding has improved since myself and my brother were at school, but at this stage, I'm still not confident my son (if diagnosed) won't feel overwhelmed, frightened, isolated and bullied as kids can be cruel, other parents can be ignorant and education resources, like other services, are being cut to the bone
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  #9  
Old 18th October 2018, 15:17
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

I work mostly with children that have had some kind of diagnosis that could affect their learning, in mainstream and special school.

The diagnosis means that behaviour that in the past might have lead to a child being bullied is usually tolerated and accepted by other kids, even if the behaviour is alarming/threatening

I think lone*star is right about the 'round peg, square hole' though. A lot of SEN children I have met struggle with friendship, not because other kids isolate them or are unkind, but just because the SEN child might always want to do things a certain way or be in charge. I have found that the thing asd kids find hardest is not being able to do things just how they like... Which in the end isn't much fun for a potential friend... So you can try and encourage kids to play together, but if it's more stressful for both sides then sometimes it's better just to let things be...
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  #10  
Old 21st October 2018, 11:34
BritishPeace BritishPeace is offline
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Default Re: What do you think is the best intervention for a child who finds it hard to make

Make them play football or karate or something, telling them they have a condition they can do not much about probably makes them worse. My parents should have forced me into sports.
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