Overcome S.A?

[not_alone]

Hi, I’m new here and I was Just wondering how people overcome S.A.?

I’ve seen more therapists than I could count on my fingers, I told them my story but all they did was listen then repeat what I say in there own words (which didn’t help). I've tried taking small steps but I find my fears still get in the way. I can’t get rid of them even if I go at snails pace. I find everyday is different, one day I could go shopping with my sisters and the other day I can’t even go out the door. I have great mates but all the stuff I can do with my sisters I can’t do with my mates. Just going to my mate’s house is extremely hard when I could go to my sister’s boyfriend’s house and be fine. I think its because my mates are the same age as me and there my only link to a social life I don’t want to lose them, coz ill never get any others as I don’t go out.

I feel like giving up, I kind of have as I haven’t seen my mates since before Christmas. I don’t know what to do, I really want to go out and do everything my mates and sisters do, but I’m missing out and I hate that!!

Please help

Alison

[Mystic]

Allison, as a fellow sufferer I know exactly how you feel. I have endured social anxiety disorder for 9 or 10 years now. I have been doing research, and the number one advice I have to give is never give up. I can't tell you how many nights I knelt at my bedside weeping miserably because of the pain I felt. I wanted to give up. I felt like it was hopeless, sometimes I even felt like God wasn't there to help me. But research says the best way to conquer it is to get therapy, specifically "cognitive-behavior" therapy. It has helped a lot of people apparently; and I'm just finding out more about it. Another piece of advice I have is "just do it afraid." This came from Joyce Meyer, who's a minister who talks a lot about overcoming fear. She told a story of a woman who was telling her friend how she's too scared to do anything anymore. Her friend told her "just do it afraid!" and that changed everything. She goes out, talks to people, but does it still with fear inside. It's basically "who's stronger, me? or the fear" situation. I understand that we aren't expected to not feel fear, but to not let it make us bow into submission. I just do the best I can every day. Sometimes I admit I feel like avoiding social situations, but when I feel brave I purposely thrust myself into awkward situations because I'm not letting fear turn me into a hermit. Yes I feel stupid, I feel goofy,nerdy, insecure with all those social, beautiful, energetic people, but if they understood it would make a world of difference. They don't understand though, so when I feel like people don't understand me or make fun of me, I just reassure myself "15 million other people do understand, even if these people don't.' And it helps me to just stay calm to some degree, to endure I should say. I also remember that my personality is one that is good when I can just loosen up, and I tell myself "this isn't you right now, you aren't this goofy weirdo, you're just experience a weakness, and everyone has weaknesses, yours is just more apparent than others." Please don't give up.

[simone]

Hi Alisone,

Whatever you do, don't give up. SA can be overcome. Don't be discouraged just because you've seen many therapists, there are very few therapists who really know what SA is and how to treat it. I've been to many therapists myself and they didn't help me at all, one was even so bad that my anxiety got worse (he was a Freudian therapist ). I had MUCH more sucess treating SA on my own using selfhelpbooks and Dr Richards audio series. Check out this site: www.socialanxietyinstitute.org. His audio series are quite expensive but in my experience they are worth every buck, they are very effective and I believe he is the best SA psychologist in the world right now.
Good luck to you.

[Freespirit]

helo alison,

first thing id say is to not overemphasise "overcoming" ur anxiety cos i found it put alot of pressure on me to get result fast and when ur takin small steps it may take a while for u to see the benefit.

i think the most important thing is to keep at it!!

ive bn workin at my sa now for 3 yrs and there is still soo much i find difficult and there are plenty of days when i feel depressed and just wanna give up but little by little mw life has improved and when i look back now im amazed at how much ive improved.

as for the therapsits i dont really know much about them and how useful they r but i imagine most of them dont really know what its like to live with sa so i cant see them actually havin much good advice and i get the impression alot of the time they just say to take meds when its not really needed. this just my opinion tho and im very likely to be wrong and im sure some of them are a great help.

i hope ive bn of some help and i hope u get a lot of help from people on this site. everyone is really nice and friendly and experts on the subject of social anxiety so ur at the right place.

good luck with everythin!!!!!

[not_alone]

Thanks everyone! That’s helped me understand what I should and shouldn’t do. I think I’m going to buy that Dr Richards tape, see a cognitive behavioural therapist and just do things even if I’m scared (coz to be honest most of the time its usually not so bad once your there)

Thank you so much!!

Alison xx

[shok]

Hi Alison,

I think ppl have given good advice above..
I have read about Dr. Richards ..he use to suffer SA himself and knows about what its like and his therapy is based o cognitive behaviourally therapy.Also he is a psychologist as well.

The only advice i can giive is from personal experience . I found that being more accepting of yourself helps alot as well being patient with yourself. Don't exepct too much too quick and be persistent when doing things that you fear . It takes coiurage and effort but there are no easy solutions with SA.

Hope this helps.

take care & keep posting

- shaukat

[not_alone]

thanks take care too