Anyone feeling lonely too?

[daydreamsandicecreams]

Hi,

There's quite a few things I want to address in this post. As a result it might be all over the place and for this I apologize in advance.

So, a year ago I moved from the US to the UK. It was definitely something I never thought I would do but I did in order to be w/ my current partner.
I have the opportunity to study here for 3 years currently.

It's been a year since I've moved and I feel stagnant. In a year I feel like I haven't grown.
Daily I'm finding it hard to be inspired to make any kind of work (I'm a part time artist).
See, here in the UK I don't have many friends. There's no people I can call up to just hang out. Back home I used to just call people up, I'd go to concerts, just do my own thing.
Here I sometimes feel like a lazy slug, literally because I can't hang out with anyone, I can't go to said concerts, or drive anywhere, and it just sucks. It's taken a huge tole on my mental health. I feel boring (as a recent of not speaking to people, to gain new perspectives or even make jokes!)
I am immensely lonely and I feel lost.
The only person I know here is my bf and over the course of the year it's been difficult because I know I can't hang out w/ him all the time, he has things to do, friends, family, everything I don't have here.
As much as I would like to "get out of his hair" once in awhile I end up in the same room mindlessly looking at YouTube videos until he is done working. (AND I FEEL AWFUL). I don't want to be this person anymore.

He recently started a new job, and I am incredibly happy for him. But also very jealous. I wish I had my dream job now. I wish I had people to talk to other than my partner. I know he's going to make lots of friends at work, go to pubs, etc. While I'll be stuck at home, making dinner for one.

I know it's unhealthy to think this way about my partner and I feel deeply guilty but since he is literally the only person I'm usually around, I'm jealous of him.
I'm jealous of everyone that actually has a solid group of friends they can rely on.
In a year I feel like I have not grown.
I'm slightly more independent but that's because I have to if not I think I would be worse.


I just need help, I keep saying I will join the gym to at least feel better mentally, perhaps. But even that has proven to be difficult. I get anxious that I can't even join.

I don't know what to do all of this is just making me depressed and lonely and it's not the person I want to be, but I don't know what to do.

[snoo]

I am much in the same position. Although for a lot of time I don't seem to mind (although I don't know if my mind is kidding myself). I too wish I had my dream job (or even a job I liked) but anxiety is a powerful deterrent, as well as not truly needing the money.

I guess your story might resonate strongly with a lot of people here.

Meetup might offer you some opportunities, but I can understand the feeling of anxiety it's difficult to start. Going to the gym I have found to be a massive positive for me.

At the worst case, is there anything to stop you going out on your own to places? I've done this before quite a lot.

[gregarious_introvert]

I can only guess at how lonely it must be, to have uprooted yourself from your previous life to start a new one across the Atlantic; the fact that you have been able to do so shows that you have great resilience and although your first year in the UK hasn't gone well, I feel sure that you will be able to build a new life for yourself here.

I notice that you say that your boyfriend spends time with family and friends; is there any reason why that time can't include you? For different reasons, I am in a similar position with my own partner - not because I have come from another country, but because I have no family left - but I have been welcomed by my partner's family (at least, those I have met) and friends, whilst we are also making new acquaintances mutually through our shared life.


Of course, it isn't healthy (for most couples, at least) to spend all your time together, so perhaps you can find the courage to do something which interests you whilst your partner is at work. If you're not managing to make friends at your place of study, then you could, as snoo has said already, look into meetup or perhaps manage to get to the gym, maybe find some voluntary work in a field which interests you (I'm assuming that the conditions of your leave to remain prevent you from working full-time)? I hope you can find some solution which helps you to become more comfortable and less lonely here, whatever it may be.

[limey123]

I felt the same when I went to live in the US. Except I didn't have a partner to go to. My solution was to do online dating.
But obviously you can't do that. But you can try meetup.com or similar. Good luck.

[daydreamsandicecreams]

It's hard even being able to tell if you're okay w/ the loneliness sometimes or not.
I'll give MeetUp a try! I'm currently signing up now.

And there isn't anything stopping me from going places alone. I go to thrift stores (something i love to do) alone, grocery shopping is my favorite, taking walks, going to a cafe, all by myself. I still feel a bit anxious doing these things but it's getting better. Now I just wish I had people to do these things with!