#31
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Re: What is the worst thing someone has ever said to you?
A CPN said that? Jeez, how helpful.
I can sort of understand people saying stupid, potentially hurtful things (foot in mouth syndrome, tactlessness, general bad mood) - not that it's excusable and it doesn't lessen the impact of these things, just that I can see why it happens. But for mental health professionals to say such crap is shocking. |
#32
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Re: What is the worst thing someone has ever said to you?
Several, can I share?
Sure, I can. Here are things that distinctly stayed in my head. oh, Becky, you've had your hair cut, you don't look like a tranny any more. are you a boy or a girl? .... no you're not, you're a boy. and you! having sex at fourteen, it's disgusting. dyke lesbian! (bellowed down the street) I've been called ugly more times than I can remember. Been called a bitch more times than I can count too. Been called lesbian (or other words) absolutely loads. Here's one by my ex boyfriend's sister... running towards me 'you you lesbian bitch' Oddly enough, I haven't been called anything much recently. I never see the gang who'd always shout lesbian at me any more (touch wood). I haven't seen them in maybe over a year. That didn't hurt me though, it just publically humiliated me, and it was that embarrassment that hurt. The first two comments I wrote are the most distinct memories I have because they hurt the most. Sometimes when I was younger I'd think about these, and lightly cut down my arm. Now I am older, and because of the amount of time people have said shit to me in the past, I don't think it would affect me the same as it did back then. I can bitter about the way I've been treated before. I was most angry at my brother who is five years older than me. I blamed him for my lack of confidence (and he probably is partly to blame). He was such a bastard to me. From me being a toddler up to me been maybe twenty, that's when he finally stopped. So, the other year then I guess. When I was a little girl, he'd like sit on top of me and hold me down and say awful things, and punch my arms and stuff... he stopped doing this when I was maybe thirteen. He stopped hitting me when I was perhaps sixteen, because he then did to my sister what he did to me, but he didn't stop doing things completely. So it was a lot of ugly ****, spotty **** etc, from him when I was a young teenager. When I got to like eighteen, his focus then went onto my breast size, and body size/shape. I don't like thinking about it because I get very angry and upset. He is a whiner and complains constantly about how shit his life has been. What a ****ing joke, does he have any idea how his behaviour impacted on me? what a dick. Last edited by pinkwafer; 1st December 2010 at 18:38. Reason: adding |
#34
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#35
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Re: What is the worst thing someone has ever said to you?
I was told by a boyfriend on a night out that I looked like 'a tranny'. Obviously, he's now an ex-boyfriend.
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#36
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Re: What is the worst thing someone has ever said to you?
"I like you as a friend"
Doesn't sound that bad, I know, but in the context it was the worst thing I could have been told...I mean, what do I do with that? Where do I go from there?!? |
#37
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#39
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#40
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iv been mates with my best mate for 4 years and worst thing iv said to her is "**** off" and iv only done that the once. i can be dam right brutal when in a "relationship" and iv vowed to never enter into one again until iv completed therapy and improved. |
#41
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and then it's like I know what hurts them, I know what to say what will hurt the most... and it's like a time bomb, and I'm biting my tongue trying not to say it. In truth, I'd be better off not in a relationship. My partner says the worst thing anyone could call her is a bitch. That utterly surprised me considering some of the things people have said to me. She said only one person in her life has called her it. So, when we've argued before, of course I've called her just that. I don't know what it is with me that makes me act like that in a relationship. |
#42
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Re: What is the worst thing someone has ever said to you?
Ooh there's some nasty stuff in this thread. But look, if people deliberately say hurtful things to you it's because you somehow are a threat or a discomfort to them, and that's a good thing because it means that this person feels the need to take a swipe at you, maybe to take you down to their level or to try and undermine whatever it is they see in you that bothers them so. On the other hand, if it's someone who says something crass without realising what they're doing, then they're just an idiot and not worth worrying about.
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#43
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I never could understand relationships like that ^, I'd much rather be single than put up with that shite.
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#44
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In my opinion , to call someone a bitch is at the absolute mildest end of the spectrum . i can forgive myself for calling someone a bitch . i wouldnt repeat things iv said , because id be instantly judged and ill thought of , but its bad. i always thought it was others , i still often do blame others and people dont help when they say "well you havnt met the right girl" , but the pattern is just so enduring and happens so quick into a relationship , that iv recently sussed out somethings very very wrong . i know what it is and why i do it .......... i strongly suspect i have bpd as i fit all criteria to such extent it wrecks my life. Hoping the therapy will help it. i shouldnt be in a relationship at all though .......its not fair on me , OR potential partners. |
#45
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but what can I do? if she won't leave me, she won't leave me. I can't force her to. We talk about it a lot, and she still stands by me. Quote:
To me, bitch isn't a big deal idea. Would rather be called bitch than so many things. But everyone is different I suppose. Hey, you should get with me, if you think you're bad in an argument Nah, as I've grown older, I have somewhat mellowed out a bit. But that streak is still in me. It's hard to control. I know deep down I aren't a bad person. But I'm not gonna lie and say I'm a fantastic girlfriend, cause I'm not. I think I'm gonna try to end this relationship again. I wanna be free. I fed up of it all. I wanna be able to do this. It's so hard. |
#46
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I think sniggering and whispering can be extremely hurtful as well, it's like a subtle way of excluding someone. This has happened to me a lot. As well as the usual "why are you so quiet?" "is there anyone in there?" "old smiler over there (cos I never smiled)" but I don't think the majority of those people realized how hurtful those comments were. The most pernicious comments I have received though are from 'friends' such as "I don't get you, every time I see you your just like this empty headed bimbo" "I think your going to die young in a really random circumstance" and just lodes of little remarks here and there too many to remember, like little bullets that chip away a piece of you every time you hear them. The same guy also once trying to drive off with everyone else in the car leaving me behind, not even pretending it was a joke. He also ran me over when I 'jokily' went and sat on the front bonnet to try and stop him. All this makes me realize how a lot of the friends I've had in the past have been bullying me, using me as a target to trample over, putting me down to make themselves feel powerful. I think people with SA are particularly susceptible to receiving this type of treatment, because they don't answer back, they just take it cos of low confidence and a feeling that you deserve it. So people who will take that kind of s**t the most sensitively are the people that will receive it the most.....But definitely the subtle ways of rejecting and abusing you, through body language and certain words and behaviours can be some of the most hurtful attacks, it's a more intelligent form and it really gets in to your psyche and maybe even affects your sense of self, it reinforces your sense of worthlessness at the very least, but because there's no tangible insult it's hard to fight back or leave .....it's evil
Also once throwing change on the floor for me to pick up like a dog. Man, treating me like a dog and I stayed in contact with that person for 3 years! |
#47
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#48
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#49
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It isn't verbal abuse. I do not randomly call her names. |
#50
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Context is key. Some things are incredibly hurtful, even though they seem relatively mild. In the context of banter between friends the same things would be funny.
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#51
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Direct/indirect rejection (of ideas , opinions , whatever) or predicted/imagined abandonments (i do it even on the forum) This can be something as simple as someone saying they will call me at 8pm and they actually call at 8:05pm . but i wouldnt verbalise that , id just feel bad Quote:
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#52
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#53
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Re: What is the worst thing someone has ever said to you?
"are you a statue?"
"you never say anything, you're boring!" "did you see me making out with those 2 guys?" ex girlfriend...and yes i did see it. not pleasent. "you walk funny..." this made me completely self concious for ages. "it's pointless having him around" a conversation about me between 2 supposed friends, right in front of me... One "friend" used to rip me all the time, don't want to say but some of it has really stayed with me, i realised it was because I used to get all the attention from girls (this was before SA crippled my ability to act on that attention so....good times) without even doing anything and being really shy and quite, despite all his best efforts he never got anywhere, so he used to take it out on me. In the end he got really mad when his older sister started showing interest and he told the local rough lads I called them something (not sure what) and i couldn't show my face around that town again for ages. |
#54
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Rejection and abandonment is a big issue with me too, but almost solely in terms of a relationship. All my energy and focus go on the relationship, and it shouldn't. It is good that you understand what causes it and that you're honest about it too. Sometimes it's hard to be honest even to ourselves about why we do bad things. I've never been with anyone quite as argumentative and stuff as me, would be interesting really to see how that would make me react. I know, I can deal with no friends and stuff, but not being alone alone. I'm very needy, very insecure. |
#55
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Oh I've had all sorts of names and the like. Started at school. These days it only happens online really, but I've been called everything under the sea. I think some of the things my parents have said in the past have hurt the most. Usually things about me being a bad child, problem child, failure etc etc. Like Dory my mother said "I love you but don't like you" on occasion, which made my self confidence non-existant. I remember once being trapped in Debenhams on the day after boxing day (it was heaving, no room to move) and two girls were taking it in turns to walk behind me making comments about how I looked etc. That was horrible as I didn't know them and couldn't get away, that was probably the last major incident.
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#56
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I have been called "mute"
Someone in my family said (in a very sarcastic manner) how good a guest I would be because of my conversation I have had old friends talk in front of me about how I don't say anything I used to live with people at uni for a short period who had a name they called me and they would write things on the fridge that I have no 'chat' and once left a voicemail on my phone to that effect All rather trivial things, but god they don't half hurt, especially from people close to you |
#58
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#59
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i think this thread goes to show how evil some people can be. it's a shame people don't have enough empathy to stop themselves from saying such damaging stuff. It only takes one to really screw a person up if they take it in.
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#60
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When I was in therapy the therapist set me a task, which was to ask people who knew me what sort of personality they thought I had. So I told my best mate that I'd been set this task and asked him what he thought my personality was like. He looked at me and said "You don't have a personality."
Kind of hurt I must admit. |