Easier

I know that SA or any mental condition is very broad and complex, but what is the actual reason other people cause such despair?

I mean, tonight I just feels it not worth bothering going out in public and the reason for this is that i simply cannot look at others because of shame/guilt/extreme sadness. Although I do get anxiety, a strong aspect of my SA is just simply that it is too upsetting and depressing to see others.

I guess a deep rooted feeling of REJECT will always be imprinted in me. Im not sure why, but i have always had this, even at the age of 19-20 I felt that my life had passed,that everyone else was on the right track and i had missed it and a deep sadness and despair would come over me.

I have always maintained going out to social place, for many years, yet always come home v derpressed and feeling isolated. Other people make me depressed, and maintaining a social life has never really helped.

I guess im looking for suggestions from someone else looking in on my predicament, as im really just close to throwing in the towel and succumbing to being a recluse, as a life in my room, alone, has got to be better than this.

erm, anyone. Jeeze!

[moth]

Hi L&B,
I feel just like you when I go out and it makes me feel angry about other people. I guess I feel bitter about them and some days it feels like they are all "out to get me". On positive days I feel stonger and see only good in people.

Maybe the reason that other people cause us such pain is that we have experienced rejection in some social setting or we have percieved that others have rejected us. Out thinking tells us that others are percieving us in a negative light as compared to others around us. This causes our emotions to spiral downwards, fear, shame, embarrassment which int urn leads us to feel anxious and so on in a cycle or despair.

My only suggestion is just to keep going and try not to dwell too much on those bad days. When you come home from social events try to look at what went well and give yourself credit for going out in the first place. Try not to beat yourself up and give yourself some positives - I have to do this or else i would just be a weeping wreck all of the time. I have to tell myself that i have rights and am allowed to be out in public places!

Catching those thoughts and changing them is supposed to work to although this is hard when you are already anxious about going out int he first place. Instead of thinking "she is staring at me because I look odd" or "they are laughing at me" change to "she is staring at me because she thinks she recognises me" or "they are laughing together because one of them has just said something funny!" This then makes the motives of others nothing to do with you and therefore less likely to effect your emotions.

ANyway. It all sounds so easy here writing it down. Do as I say not as I do L&B .

Hope you are ok.
Moth

[filo]

I'm sorry to say i can't offer any suggestions, only empathy.

Many of the things/feelings you state are the reasons why i've avoided social activities for over 10 years or more. Rightly or wrongly i get by fine just going to work (i'm very lucky in that i'm least SA there), going shopping, occasional visits to sporting events, popping to a friends sometimes etc.
I actually work it so that i save a couple of days holiday each year so that i break off work earlier than the majority - to minimise the chance of finding myself in a situation where i might get invited out for a Christmas drink...

Controversially perhaps, social avoidance brings me peace and sanity, but i do realise this doesn't work for too many people and so for that reason, i wouldn't seek to promote it in anyway shape or form.
All i'll ever do, is admit on the quiet, that it keeps me (personally) sane.


I sincerely hope you do find a way through your current difficulties and don't succumb to any seriously detrimental avoidance strategies.


Best wishes

filo