Moving out will help a lot?

[kingandduck]

I feel I truly won't overcome SA until I move out. I guess I feel like this because my parents know me to well as this shy guy without much of a life, so everytime I go out or do something different they make a huge deal out of it like I'm going out to dinner with Barrick Obama or something. That then adds like 10 times the anxiety of doing anything LOL.

Also feel it'll force me to be more independent and allow me to develop my life without such an audience.

Anyone else feel this way?

[bluemaus]

It's funny, I feel the same.

I was talking about it with someone and they said "you can't stay at home forever"... which is true, and I wouldn't want to. I often feel like it's the poisonous home atmosphere which is contributing to my SA. Though I often wonder if I'd cope alone... Trouble is also - I don't have a lot of... "life skills" I suppose. I don't consider myself to be very self-sufficient. I'd be so embarrassed to leave and then get into financial trouble or not be able to make phonecalls for example and have to crawl back home again. Might make things worse.

I agree that I don't think it helps when family are making a big deal out of things - it's unecessary pressure. My family do it a lot.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

Originally Posted by kingandduck

I feel I truly won't overcome SA until I move out. I guess I feel like this because my parents know me to well as this shy guy without much of a life, so everytime I go out or do something different they make a huge deal out of it like I'm going out to dinner with Barrick Obama or something. That then adds like 10 times the anxiety of doing anything LOL.

Also feel it'll force me to be more independent and allow me to develop my life without such an audience.

Anyone else feel this way?

Moving out will be a stepping stone to building up confidence and independence but as for overcoming SA, that is a different matter. For myself, I think moving out a few years ago has helped me a lot to become independent and experienced in this society we live in but my SA still remains on the same or near levels.

[kingandduck]

The only downfall will be paying rent. I just see it as throwing money away, especially as I'd be on my own. It'd be perfect if I could get a mortgage for my own flat, but I'm a way of that happening yet and I just feel I can't stay at home until that is affordable...

It just seems to be that I have to do this so I can truly become the person I want to be.

[kingandduck]

Originally Posted by AlienBuddha

Moving out will be a stepping stone to building up confidence and independence but as for overcoming SA, that is a different matter. For myself, I think moving out a few years ago has helped me a lot to become independent and experienced in this society we live in but my SA still remains on the same or near levels.

Og course it won't cure it, but It'd really help in my opinion.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

Originally Posted by kingandduck

Og course it won't cure it, but It'd really help in my opinion.

Agreed, hope you find your path and success to overcoming SA eventually, time is a healer.

[Pablo Huntsbach]

I kind of think it would be nice and life affirming to have my own place and that kind of autonomy but I'm worried that what would be likely to happen is I'd just be stuck on my own with little to no human contact most of the time. Spending Saturday nights with my parents isn't how I imagined my adult life would be but they're still there to stop me from becoming so lonely I can't cope anymore.

[sleepyme]

I'd like to think it would make a difference. Not that I can afford it but I want to move down to London as I have a couple friends down there. I like it there, strangely...but I guess anywhere new would be nice. I feel like just getting out of where I am will make a difference, and maybe ill meet new people and won't be worried about bumping into people I know but don't speak to anymore, or making excuses about why I can't meet them even though I live in the same place as them.

Like a new start, a new me that I can make...or something.

[Pseudolonewolf]

I too would love to move out of home, but I feel I lack the life skills and wouldn't be able to even do simple things like pay bills or go shopping for food or use the phone... And then there's the idea of having to hire some worker person to come in and fix something if anything breaks! To say that'd be 'difficult' is an understatement!

Another thing I'd worry about is going mad from loneliness, or something terrible happening to me health-wise and nobody ever even knowing, and I'd just lie there, collapsed on the floor and, uh... I probably shouldn't say such miserable things!

And yet living at home, I still feel like a teenager, and like I don't NEED to do basic things like shop or pay bills so I might never be able to, and what if my parents were suddenly not around anymore? Their presence in the house frustrates me often, but if they were to die in a car crash tomorrow, I simply have no idea how I'd survive...

It's surprising to hear though that social anxiety wouldn't necessarily improve just by gaining independence skills; I've always thought that my own SA would disappear if I only knew how to do these things that normal people do without a worry... since much of my own worrying is from 'not knowing what to do'.
Or from the fact that going out at all is such a rare thing for me. I would have thought that if you had to do it every day, you'd end up desensitised...

I also very much dislike it when my parents make a big deal out of me doing something unusual... I wish people would understand that that never helps.

[Toxic]

Originally Posted by Pseudolonewolf

And yet living at home, I still feel like a teenager, and like I don't NEED to do basic things like shop or pay bills so I might never be able to, and what if my parents were suddenly not around anymore? Their presence in the house frustrates me often, but if they were to die in a car crash tomorrow, I simply have no idea how I'd survive...

this!

even though i rarely come out my room and speak to them..when they have been away for a week or 2 before..its weird..its somehow even more..lonely

i think moving out would help me grow up..but i cant stomach paying rent...and with my unemployed stints and silly spending on gadgets i dont think id be able to afford a mortgage for about 20 years

[Pseudolonewolf]

Actually, come to think of it, I've had experience with something LIKE 'moving out'...

I have/had ('it's complicated' at the moment) a girlfriend who lives in Canada (since the only way I'd ever meet anyone is online, of course), and we've known eachother for about five or six years now. We've met about six times over those years, and since flying across the world is expensive, when we do meet, we find a holiday home to rent and live in it together for about a month, just her and I, without any parents or anything.

Pathetically though, I got my mother to actually do all the booking of the place, talking on phones, etc, and I also relied on her to do stuff like take us shopping; my girlfriend and I did the actual shopping, but we had no car so my mum gave us a lift.

Apart from that weekly shopping trip, though, my girlfriend and I were fending for ourselves, and it was really rather good for me!
I went outside a whole lot more than I ever usually would, and felt generally more confident and like I might actually have a chance to survive in the real world after all. I was much less anxious because I was more *distracted*, and less miserable because my parents weren't getting me down all the time.

However, much of that was probably because I was with someone gentle who I really loved and got along with... and I didn't have to worry about things like bills either, or really talking to anyone. Though my girlfriend was, bizarrely, *even more shy than me*, despite me having SA and her not, so whenever we DID have to talk to anyone, I had to do the talking... and of course felt I messed up every time!

Anyway, from my limited experiences with this, I do think that being away from parents like that, and really *needing* to handle unusual situations, was immensely helpful to me, and I'd live like that all the time if I could. Based on those experiences, it felt like my SA would disappear if I were living like that all the time... but again, if I were alone, it'd probably be a whole different matter, so maybe it's completely useless to mention this!

[Maestro]

I do know what you mean. Whether to move out or not? If I move out and fail, I know my mother will say I told you so and make a big deal about how I moved out but it amounted to nothing and I came running back. On the other hand, moving out would give me more freedom and I wouldn't feel, like you do, having to announce to everyone that I am leaving the house and to give an explanation for going out. But moving out could mean that I am alone. I suppose you need to weight up the benefits and negatives and see which one wins out.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by kingandduck

I feel I truly won't overcome SA until I move out. I guess I feel like this because my parents know me to well as this shy guy without much of a life, so everytime I go out or do something different they make a huge deal out of it like I'm going out to dinner with Barrick Obama or something. That then adds like 10 times the anxiety of doing anything LOL.

Also feel it'll force me to be more independent and allow me to develop my life without such an audience.

This is EXACTLY me.
Anything i do out of the norm like go out at night means tons of Q's as to where i'm going, who i'm with etc. I think this is one of the benefits of me moving out of the family home like as you said i can develop my life without a audience.

[IamMark]

I can't wait until im able to move out for the reasons stated by the OP and Johnni .

But the massive downside would be the epic bills.... which puts me off the idea of moving out. Unless i get a pay increase for my type of work i do which i probably won't ever or I meet a partner that also earns or i become comfortable enough with someone else that also earns that we can share something together, but until then im just going to have to stay with mum and dad.

Roll on euro millions please on friday @.@ , lol. *my fingers are crossseddd*

[kingandduck]

Well, I really do not want to pay rent. But come on, these days unless you have a nice paying job or a partner (still hard with 2 of you) you are going to have trouble getting a mortgage.

So what you gonna do? Stay with your parents until you save a deposit that could years? Not sure I can do that.

[Pseudolonewolf]

I want to go and live in a cave in a forest!! With internet access!! Money won't be a concern then, or repair people or anything like that!

[Unbridled]

You won't have an audience living alone but you'll probably miss it lol I did when I lived in my student house and loved going back every weekend to see them i didn't do anything else and used that as my social interation through Uni

That was when I lived in the same city as them, I moved to a different town then my parents and family a year and a month ago, mainly because there were more people here with similar interests to me and it help to go places and meet groups etc I also lived with a few like minded people who introduced me to other people as well.

Even with that though I'm not out much at all socialising and only things which I find and arrange for myself get me out (despite being invited places) so unless your moving with the intention of meeting new people you might get very lonely, theres a lot more independance but alot less time with people. It needs to be a double effort imho move out and meet people or else I honestly think you'll suffer from loneliness (not you just people who do it )

[Johnni]

^ I wont miss it at all, i've outgrown my family and kinda resent living at home with them to the point where i doubt i will miss living with them.

Originally Posted by kingandduck

Well, I really do not want to pay rent. But come on, these days unless you have a nice paying job or a partner (still hard with 2 of you) you are going to have trouble getting a mortgage.

So what you gonna do? Stay with your parents until you save a deposit that could years? Not sure I can do that.

I dont see rent as a waste really unless you rent long term. I dont mind renting for even paying quite a bit for rent cos i think finding the right place for me is far more important than having to compromise and live in a shittier area or live with people i don't want to. Always reading on here people's nightmare stories of their flatmates and i don't want to have to deal with that on top of living in a new area also, it just makes life harder for me as its hard enough already.

[Johnni]

Its not really the fear of having a arsehole a flatmate cos if i did i think i'd sort it out anyway rather than not say anything cos if ppl piss me off who i live with id make them know they do. Did it in halls although took me ages to say anything but life was easier after i told them.
Its more that i havent lived alone since 1st yr at uni 10 yrs ago and it will be nice to have my own place for a little while. Plus even if i got on with the people i lived with it will still take a while to fully be comfortable around them i reckon whereas im thinking my flat would be a rest bite from everywhere else where i can just relax after a hard day at work etc. I think we all need that escape place (for most of us it's our homes) but i believe if we dont really have that we suffer as a result as the anxiety becomes a constant. Id hate to have a shit day at work and to come home and still be on edge cos i dont get on with mty flatmate etc or uneasy around them.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Forgetmenot

By the time i moved out at 24 i was working (in fact i had 2 jobs, day job and evening job) and i'd learnt to drive. So it all went from there. What happens is that most things take over your life and you have no time to think about your SA (although it was always there it seemed to fit in with my independent life, unbelievably). I might not have been confident but i was independent and capable of making a living for myself. That's what makes me feel good about myself now, looking back.

Thats a good point cos in the past when i was at uni & working i was more busier so had less time to wallow or be bored and i think therefore less time to think about SA stuff. Now i only work part time so stuck indoors all day whereas i reckon if i move for a new job (typical 9-5) id have less time to think about SA etc as my life would be way more busier than it is now.