Worse than ever!

[urban warrior]

Hi everyone -not been on here in 4 years now. I've had SA as long as I can remember, probably from age 13. I'm 30 now and although i went through a period where I was pretty much OK I seem to have fallen into the worse kind of SA ive ever experienced and the horrible depression that follows.

I feel so so alone right now and need to reach out and connect so I can feel supported and not like the weirdest most paranoid freakshow on the planet!

So I nearly didn't go to this sports event in Wales where I am camping with mostly strangers but also some people I kinda know for a week and rather than not go I thought id challenge myself to go. I got through 2 days of it although it wasn't exacly enjoyable I did it but now its day 3 and i have spun a web of lies and escaped into the countrysiude all by myself. I cannot go back and now I have to sit alone for 3 more days before going home. I feel so miserable and alone and an utter failure and like ill never be normal again.

What do I do? I need help this is serious.
Ive been thibnking about chucking myself off the hillside so I know its bad

[Phantomy]

Why can't you get out of there now and go home?

If you can't leave I guess the three options are either wait it out and endure for the next 3 days, figure out how to return to the event whilst saving face or tell the truth of your predicament. Perhaps you may discover a friendly & understanding soul there that will understand what you have gone through and assist somehow.

Good luck !!!

[Aelwyn]

A week with strangers plus some people you sort of know sounds quite stressful to me. I think you did very well to stay for two days, I doubt if I would have lasted half a day. But perhaps you need to think of a more gradual exposure plan, so that you don't reinforce negative feelings instead of increasing your confidence. I'm sure it would be possible for you to think of some easier steps to take which would still be taking you in the right direction.

[umm]

Don't compare yourself to others. Embrace the fact that you're the sort that likes to escape into the countryside by yourself. That's far more interesting than just hanging about with the same lot for days on end, so be *that* person, not *the other* person.

Though I do wonder why you cannot go back to the group after a day, or home, or wherever else. Do you just not want to, or is there some reason you have to stay holed up in the countryside? If you go back, and have to face "questions" about "where you've been" (as if spending time alone is a criminal offence!) just prep some answers: "Oh, I needed to commune with nature; you know how it is.", "I felt the call of the hills; yeah, I feel that. Do you feel that? No?" Its about hamming up your quirks with some socially aceptable language.