Are you content?

[Stephalump]

Hi folks long time no read.

I've been feeling okay with my situation lately and it has me wondering if anyone else feels the same? I'll elaborate a little... I don't work, I live with my parents and I have no friends or partner, but I'm starting to no longer feel as though those are issues and more just, I don't know... circumstance? If I never work, never have friends or never leave "home", that's okay! Is this dangerous territory? Should I want to strive for more? Have I just given up caring because it's been my life for so long? Has depression well and truly taken over? Gosh, I don't know how to feel about how I feel haha.

[Schmosby]

I think it's good. I've found contentment, there is no point in beating yourself up about stuff, just make the best of what you've got

[Hayman]

Hi! I'm glad you're feeling okay about your situation at the moment. I honestly don't mind not having any friends (I have one 'half-friend' who I wished would go away...) as I find them to be more hassle than what they're worth. I've not had any real friends since 2005 when I was 20 and whilst there are moments I have missed having any, by in large I've been fine without them.

I think you do reach a point in life where you begin to accept that what little you have is all you'll likely ever get, until people stop stigmatising and ridiculing you. Obviously, if no effort has been made to improve matters (if you want them to...) then my sympathies are more limited but if you've honestly tried to change and still found the same old brick walls people put up against you - then I accept the "that's all folks..." argument. Of course, each to their own, but I find it a waste of time making effort when you don't see the same perks given to you that other people get for making the same (if not less) effort.

The only two things that really do bother me in life is remaining at home with the parents and never once having so much as a date - never mind a partner. The latter has bothered me for half my life (as I'm now 32) and has basically been eating me alive since I got upwards of around 24/25. The lack of a partner has been one of the main causes of my three diagnosed spells of depression to date... If that could change, then that would be an enormous weight off my shoulders but I've already accepted that men in my plight at my end are severely stigmatised and never given any chances.

Barring these two big issues, I'm reasonably content with my life. I've accepted all I have is going to be 'it'.

[Laracroft1]

yes, Steph, If you are reasonably content, then thats more than a lot of people are including myself. I used to stress soooo much about the lack of friends until i realised that its me who doesnt like people, not the other way around. i have one or 2 friends, and i dont care about more. Being married is bloody difficult and it causes me more anxiety than i can tell my husband. Dont even think about conforming, its so rock n roll not to.

[Toxic]

I'm struggling with this now actually

I'm struggling because I quite like my current situation and its causing me alsorts of depression because I know at mine and my folks age its not going to go on much longer

I have a couple of friends, due to distances I can only really see them every couple of few months but we tend to make up for it when we do get together so I look forward to that and a lot of the time a "social activity" once every few months seems to be about my limit before I'm drained

I have no partner, I don't really have any interest in having one either, I used to feel if I could somehow end up with a girlfriend life would be quite peachy..but I'm not interested enough

I do still live at home at the grand age of 31 and its really not bothering me as much as it should (and to the extend I've complained about it in the past) Theres a lot of financial troubles at home (which I'm helping with as I currently do work) my parents aint in great health (mum is disabled) and are also mid 60's now. I spend many an hour reading about folk in their 20's embarrassed and feeling trapped and I'm just sat here confused because to me its like living with a couple of house mates, we all contribute and my alternatives would be to share with ..what friends? most people my age are taken or settled now..or live on my own..which I don't think would do much for my mentality given how little I deal with people as it is.

It terrifies me that my parents are heading towards 70 and I'll have to step up providing more..care as they get slower/weaker and by 35 I'm going to be one of those creepy folks who mothers shuffle their kids away from in the street out of fear ..coz hes "weird, quiet and still lives at home" but I really don't know

I don't know if I've given up...I was never ready for my 30's I'm still struggling, I'm content with my living arrangement/relationship status regardless of how strange that makes me seem..I would like a few more things in my life though..but anxiety takes care of any of that

[mossystone]

Originally Posted by Stephalump

Hi folks long time no read.

I've been feeling okay with my situation lately and it has me wondering if anyone else feels the same? I'll elaborate a little... I don't work, I live with my parents and I have no friends or partner, but I'm starting to no longer feel as though those are issues and more just, I don't know... circumstance? If I never work, never have friends or never leave "home", that's okay! Is this dangerous territory? Should I want to strive for more? Have I just given up caring because it's been my life for so long? Has depression well and truly taken over? Gosh, I don't know how to feel about how I feel haha.

It's great that you're able to feel okay. What more can anyone want than to be content? It could be dangerous territory if you end up getting stuck in a rut that you don't really want to be in, but you're the best person to know when that's the case. It sounds like you know the questions to ask yourself, and only you can really answer them.

I'm a lot like you, except I live on my own and I can't say I'm content. I feel more like my future hinges on being able to have at least a bit of a social life, but that's just where I am atm. Our feelings are our best guide to how content we really are. When it feels like the weight of depression is dragging you down for much of the time it's a sign something needs to change.

[Utopia]

It is not considered socially acceptable to not work and live off others, even if you're female.Do you think it would be too hard to change your circumstances?

[Tembo]

Originally Posted by Unicorn8t4

People get married for the wrong reasons. People are co-habiting more and more. But I think what's the point of it all?

I agree that many get married for the wrong reasons, so I do agree, what is the point of it all? Although, there are couples who end up having a successful and fulfilling marriage, and well done to them. But it seems most marriages end up going sour.

But, when you say people are co-habiting more and more, I don't think I agree with that. I know many single people living in their own place, who aren't particularly successful with relationships. One of the factors contributing to the housing crisis, is many people living alone, rather than sharing with others.

A few generations ago, people got married and stayed married because they had to, otherwise they were heavily stigmatised. Thankfully, we do live in a less judgemental time (still very judgemental, but not as bad as it used to be).

Originally Posted by jk90

It is not considered socially acceptable to not work and live off others, even if you're female.Do you think it would be too hard to change your circumstances?

Its only considered socially unacceptable by judgemental pricks, and who cares what they think?

[David K]

Originally Posted by Aleks

Its only considered socially unacceptable by judgemental pricks, and who cares what they think?

Quite right. You do you, Steph.

[Schmosby]

Originally Posted by Aleks

Its only considered socially unacceptable by judgemental pricks, and who cares what they think?

So if you were flat sharing and the other person stopped paying their half of the rent/bills and started eating your food, you would just support them indefinitely, without judgment?

[Stephalump]

Thanks for all your replies. I can relate to a fair amount of them and while I'm feeling content right now, it may be that I'm hating everything about my life again in a couple of weeks. Things never stay peachy for long but I think I'm finally and hopefully permanently at a point where I'm comfortable with my decisions, whether they're detrimental to my health or not.

Sure, there's things I dislike about my situation but I certainly can't say I haven't tried to change them. For the record, I have tried so bloody hard.

There's only so much you can do until you give up and just face that this is it, right?

So yes, I'm doing okay... for now.

Also, I'd like to address the 'socially unacceptable to not work' comment as I've actually never worked and while I know that's frowned upon by many it hasn't strictly been through choice. It's through crippling fear that I've been incapable of getting under control in the 19 years I've suffered it.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Stephalump

I have tried so bloody hard.
There's only so much you can do until you give up and just face that this is it, right?

I think that point is probably key,..

for decades, until I was almost 30 I too was living with parents and had no friends or partner, but I really liked my life and felt quite comfortable and content where I was,

I think the reason is that as you say,. you try and try and try,. and one day you see that your SA is something innate that you can't 'work' or 'labour' your way out of,. it's more like it's who you are,. and so your life circumstances are the best you can achieve,. so at some point I think we relax and just start enjoying our lives for whatever they are,
I think once that happens things actually start getting better and a bit easier too.

sounds like you've plateaued into some form of calm acceptance of who you are?

[Utopia]

Originally Posted by Stephalump

Also, I'd like to address the 'socially unacceptable to not work' comment as I've actually never worked and while I know that's frowned upon by many it hasn't strictly been through choice. It's through crippling fear that I've been incapable of getting under control in the 19 years I've suffered it.

Yes I understand this, I don't personally judge you at all as I've been there myself. What I meant is that most people in society work, it is considered the 'normal' thing to do, and because many people also find it hard, they don't think it's fair if some people get away with not working.

The only things that might be unhealthy is the lack of social conections. Do you not get lonely? I'm personally in a very similar situation myself, but I do prefer to be working towards things.

I really can't say I'm completely content with my situation as I do get lonely, and I feel completly unable to relate to most people due to my situation.

[Undecided]

Most aspects of my life I am content with, the only thing that does upset me is not having friends I see regularly. The judgement from other people if you go against the norm can be hard to cope with though. Do you feel judgement, or pressure from your family to change your situation, Steph?

Not everyone wants or needs the same things from life. I once read a comment online that "anyone who gets to the age of 40 and has never been married is an epic fail". I'm a long way off 40 yet but it's weird to think that the older I get the more I'll be judged for not doing something, when I have no interest in doing it anyway. Same with being able to drive. I've had lessons in the past due to pressure from other people, but passing my test has never been something that's important to me.

Originally Posted by silenus

Yes, most of the time I feel quite content. It's just that sometimes I get this horrible realisation that aside from my parents there is nobody in the world who gives a toss about me and that by most people's standards my life is completely abnormal.

I don't think it's good not to have any friends. What will I do if I ever need help? My parents are getting pretty old and will soon need looking after. One day they will be gone too and my only remaining family will be in Europe. How am I going to feel then?

I've felt like this at times. It makes me think of Sandra Bullock's character in The Net. She was in danger and she only had one person in the world she could turn to. It might sound over-dramatic, but it is sad and scary to think that I wouldn't have the same options other people do if I found myself in a difficult situation.

[Sphinx]

I feel content with most of my life, apart from work/education. I need to find a way of supporting myself that doesn't completely cripple me with anxiety, haven't managed it yet!

The thing that bothers me is that I don't really have much desire to socialise and meet new people. I have my partner, my mother, and one friend that I see maybe 4 times a year, and that feels like enough.
That makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me though, surely I should want people in my life, I worry that I'm depriving myself of good life experiences.
Is it weird to not get lonely?
Don't get me wrong I think I would be lonely if I lived completely alone, I just have very low social requirements

[Silent Treatment]

no..can't remember one day when I felt really happy..always too anxious and inhibited...I live just waiting for the next bad thing to happen..with a constant longing for more human connections..that isn't to say that my life is dreadful but I'm constantly discontent.