#61
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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Can we change who we're attracted to? I often think we need to. |
#62
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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I know when I really really really like a girl. How do I know? Because those are the only girls I actually really consider pursuing or pursue with my SA. There are a lof of girls I've thought, "damn, they are really nice, but no way am I going to bother". But there have only been 2-3 girls in my life to date where I've thought "damn, she's absolutely perfect, I've GOT to go for this. **** the SA!" I'm on that 3rd girl now and have been for 2 plus years LOL. Haven't had the balls to go for it yet but am thinking I'm going to in some shape or form. |
#63
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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if you're saying they can never exist then you're stating that you can't exist either! |
#64
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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#65
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#66
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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#67
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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#68
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
I've been on POF and OkCupid for abit now but feeling like giving it up to be honest i do message people but most of the time it gets ignored... whats they point at the end of the day is all you do is get ignored...
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#69
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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so similar to mine,.. I'm often at such a loss to explain what SA is,.. how can we be so encaged in fear and dread when it comes to what should supposedly be a natural, passionate time for us,..? when I think back to all those incidents where I was about to approach a Woman and was just stopped in my tracks by an almost physical barrier preventing me from moving any further, struck dumb, almost immobile, like some kind of invisible barrier was suddenly brought crashing down and which seemed to sap all my confidence, all my joy, all my intelligence,.. and I had to retreat back to my enforced solitude. it was so odd that I even wondered if someone had hynotised me in my childhhod to make it so I'd never be able to have relationships,. it was that odd, and seemingly inexplicable. |
#70
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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#71
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#72
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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However, many more women while they may not approach per se do a lot more than just stand around and wait. It's just a lot more indirect and subtle. They'll come into your space unnecessarily, flirt, look in your direction, make eye contact, makes excuses to be around you, and communicate through body language that they are attracted. Basically all you have to do in some cases is go up and just talk to them and you're in. I think a lot of the guys who are successful with women are the ones who read the signs better and will act on them, not because they can charm any woman within a 5 mile radius. |
#73
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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#74
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
I don't have a problem with the male having to do the chasing. I just have a problem with SA!
The more I think about it, I just can't see any scenario where I don't come off as a total loser. Really wanting to for it, and am tempted, but I can't see any relationships happening until I build more of a social life with just friends first. Which probably isn't going to happen anytime soon, so I can kiss good bye to this girl.. |
#75
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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#76
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
I've not given up but I'm not actively trying to find someone either. It seems pointless as things stand at the moment in my life. E.g Lack of money, bleak prospects, still living at home. No women would want to date me now unless I lied about my life, it complicates things being in this position at my age.
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#77
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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in answer to the earlier thing about the 'caveman' fear response being similar to being attacked by a lion etc. I was at an anxiety/stress course and learned a bit from that,..: for our bodies there's no difference from being attacked by a predator or talking to a woman, .. the brain just responds in the same way,.. I suppose it's our job to try and see that the fear is unneccessary,.. the body/mind is simply responding to our perception of danger, and the unconscious automatic responses simply take over,.. ironically, it is often these responses that caused most of the grief. |
#78
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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I now know this to be true also,.. I think maybe SA people are either just not able to read signs, not confident enough to imagine the signs are actually true, or simply too anxious to make use of those signs. I tend to recognise what signs and situations a woman was putting out there a few weeks or months after she gave up on me, and it was only on reflection that I realized how clever and subtle she'd been in giving me so many opportunities ( however elusive ) to talk to her. |
#79
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
I'm terrible at reading signs. Or should I say, I'm terrible at believing the signs are actually signs.
For example one of many possible signs..... last Thursday I was about to enter the office or where this bird works. She sees me coming through the window and quickly gets up. I think "why is she running off?" I get into her office to collect something on the side and see she has gone around collecting all the coffee mugs on a tray so she could leave the office with me. We both walk out the door into the hallway and she starts a conversation with me. We talk for like 5 minutes until one of her colleagues comes down the hall and kind of looks at us both with a smile. The conversation ends and she says bye. Now reading that, it sure as hell seems like a sign to me, but in my head, I think I'm imaging it all. LOL. |
#80
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
^ What were you thinking at the time when it was happening?
Im not the best at reading signs but i kinda feel i know what is and when it isn't kinda thing however i never see any signs with me...ever, ah well. |
#81
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#82
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#83
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
I saw it, but then when I come away, it's like did that really all happen, or am I just overreacting?
I guess she is in to me considering all the other signs. Unless she's outrageously friendly and flirty.. Anyway, I guess the signs mean very little because she doesn't know the real me. I guess she just assumes I have a nice little social life like most normal people. |
#84
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#85
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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Therefore i understand the reluctance to 'play the game' if you see it like this as i do but it's not like how we see it but more 'clean' and respectful than we think it is. |
#86
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#87
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#88
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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At 32YO, i've had many years of blind optimism that that was the case. It probably took too long, but i'm now trying to deal with the fallout of half a lifetime's blind optimism falling apart around me. It would have hurt initially, but hiding the problem behind optimism only amplified the problem, now i'm a complete wreck. There is no-one for me and i wish i could have been told this a decade or two ago. It's tearing me apart :/ Blind optimism is a very dangerous thing. Good if it works well yet highly toxic if it doesn't. I wish more would consider the dangers of it... |
#89
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
Had a few r/s ages ago but to be honest still feel I wouldn't know where to start. Trying to be positive though....
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#90
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Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
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