#541
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^^ Thank you so much for your kind message, speakfriend, you are lovely
Sometimes I think the Depression is worse than the the SA. I mean, when I’m indoors with just my loved ones I feel as relaxed as I’m ever going to be when it comes to the SA but the Depression is constantly looming over my head sucking every bit of joy out of life. I can’t even begin to tackle my anxieties when I barely have the motivation or energy to get out of bed. Yes, losing our cat and the circumstances surrounding that have upset me greatly and each time it hits me that he’s no longer here I have a little bit of a cry. But, I think the Depression has been brought on by a culimination of things, infact things that go back months and years But you are right about doing one little thing today that I enjoy - I had a mini bag of Maltesers!! Not sure if that’s the sort of little thing you meant Undecided - Oh Not sure if you will see this post now but I’ll say this all the same... I’m so sorry I didn't respond to your last PM as your kind words of support and understanding really meant a lot to me. I hope that you didn’t feel that I was ignoring you or was in any way unappreciative as that couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is, when I’m in the grip of a Depression I can really struggle with exchanging long one to one messages. I feel uncomfortable burdening just one person with all my negative crap especially when they probably have enough of their own stresses. If I’m going to go on a depressing rant I guess I find it easier to let rip on the forum as noone feels pressured or obligated to respond or offer any feedback. In fact I’m probably just put on ignore I really hope that you arn’t away from here for too long, undecided, and that you look after yourself while you're gone. From the few messages that we exchanged I could tell that you are a genuinely lovely person, and anyone would be very lucky to have you as a friend xx |
#542
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ Aw, well, thank you, I have big internet love for you too Biscuits
Seriously, you are such a great support to everyone here and your posts always make me smile how ever low I’m feeling. SAUK really wouldn't be anywhere near as nice without you |
#543
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Feeling extremely low and have said hardly a word in work. Some people have stopped talking to me. Started taking antidepressants a week ago and going through the feeling worse stage. Having suicidal thoughts (won't act on them) the urge to self harm etc. I feel as if I'm going to self destruct.
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#544
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^
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#545
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I am so sorry to hear that you're feeling that way, Pink*Lady and I hope you'll come through this stage very soon; stay strong and remember that it's the drugs making you feel this way and that things will improve - and remember how many people here care about you.
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#546
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Thank you Danica and gregarious_introvert. I think I'm feeling worse because of the medication but I'm just waiting for it to get better. x
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#547
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I just self harmed on my arms and thighs tonight. The medication is making me worse not better. Seeing GP tomorrow. Still waiting to hear from mht.
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#548
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ Hope you get some help/support Pink*Lady
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#549
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Very sorry to hear this pink lady. I hope your gp can help.
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#550
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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I'm sorry for putting this on here but I don't have anyone I can talk to and don't trust work due to bad experience in previous job. |
#552
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^^I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't getting any better, Pink*Lady.
I don't have any positive experiences of the local CMHT here either, but is there not a Crisis Team you can contact? With regard to your GP, if you are unable to demand an emergency appointment, then have you considered presenting yourself at a walk-in clinic or A&E - or calling 111 and requesting a home visit? I do hope you are able to get some help very soon, but in the meantime please don't be sorry for relating your troubles here - this site exists to offer support and I am sure there are many here (myself included) only too willing to offer whatever support we can. |
#553
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Thank you for your support and suggestions newbs16, gregarious_introvert, a lump of excrement and Jinny.
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#554
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I still feel the same, thanks for asking biscuits. I can't face going into work tomorrow but I don't know what to do if I can't get an appointment at the GP surgery tomorrow morning. I know a sick note can be backdated but don't know how long it can be backdated for.
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#558
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#559
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Feeling incredibly empty, more so than usual. It feels difficult to feel positive about myself.
I am 25, living with my mother, with no one ever being interested in my romantically, and struggle to make friends. I am in a part time job, with absolutely no aspirations for anything more than that, let alone a career. My relationships with friends and family are becoming increasingly strained despite me trying my best, and I feel incredibly lonely. Yes, I got through university with a degree, and lived away from family for 5 years (3 at uni, and 2 renting with friends). I***8217;ve never been completely out of work, I live in a nice place. I had a full time job which was well paid (but quit due to stress). I know I should concentrate on the positives, but society hates people like me, for the reasons stated in my first paragraph. I***8217;d feel happier being me if it wasn***8217;t for this horrible miserable judgemental society we live in, and the world is getting more horrible. I just waste oxygen. I seem to annoy everyone somehow. I make no positive impact on anything. I wish there was a really easy way to end it all, but it would just be yet another selfish thing for me to do. |
#560
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
That is depression talking, Aleks; you know as well as I do that feeling empty is a massive part of that.
Society doesn't hate people like you - they are more likely to hate people like me, who are on benefits and therefore, in the eyes of an ignorant minority, leeching off the taxes of hard-working people. You play an important role, part-time or not; just ask your colleagues who respect and support you, or the children you've helped. As for aspiration, I would call it realism: you have found something in which you are talented and which you enjoy, which is more than a lot of people can say! Many people these days are still living with parents at 25, as housing becomes less available and more expensive; however, living with family does strain relationships and in your case, having lived independently previously, a struggle to deal with the dynamic of being back home is much more common than you might think. Try to remember that, whatever differences you may have, they love you. You may struggle to make friends, but you do have some and I know that you travel with them sometimes; you even went to your first festival this year with some of them. I know you won't want to hear this, but you have so much time ahead for romantic interest - there are many who have had none at 25 but go on to find love later in life; there are never any guarantees, but if you continue to make the progress you have made over the last couple of years, you are at least putting yourself in a position where things might happen. You make a positive impact at work, in your relationships with family and friends and on this forum; you may not feel it at the moment, but you are one of the inspirational success stories here. I remember that you were feeling in a similar way early this year (I know it had a lot to do with whether you were suited to the course you were doing at the time) and I find myself wondering if you may be suffering from SAD, as your depression seems to become more intense in the winter months? I hope you will soon be able to focus on all the positives in your life, because there are more than you think; in the meantime, just keep telling yourself that these feelings will one day pass and you'll be able to enjoy life in the way that you deserve. |
#561
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
sorry to see your feeling this way Aleks, your in no way a waste of oxygen, i know it can be so hard to see our own positives, you have achieved a whole lot at 25, you should be proud I hope you you feel happiness again soon
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#562
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Thank you all for your replies, it really does mean a lot. You really are lovely people.
I am feeling a little better - I guess it helps to let it all out. In fact, last night I met up with some old uni friends and had a great night out which did help as well. I do suspect it might be SAD related. I am generally depressed a lot of the time, but it seems especially bad over winter months. |
#563
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Feeling bit guilty for having these thoughts when I have 2 amazing kids who need me.
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#564
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ Thank you.
Just going through a dark episode lately. |
#565
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I'm done with life now. There a nothing for me anymore and to be honest enough is enough. Cant even remember thevlast time i felt happy. No one wants me no one needs me I'm jysva waste of space.
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#566
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ You're absolutely not. Your children need you and love you. Things can get better for you I'm sure of it.
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#567
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
@ Circlesquare As Dougella says, you are irreplaceable to your children and they will always need you and love you.
I know it is impossible to imagine, when you are feeling so desperately depressed, that things will ever improve but they can and often do. Many people here have found theirselves in a very dark place like yourself, myself included, but have gone on to experience some happier times. I am sure you will too It was lovely to see you posting here again, so I really hope you stick around on the forum for support |
#568
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I am sorry you are having such thoughts Skitz, it must be very distressing for you. Stay strong x
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#569
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
When things don't get better... And I am honestly the worst thing to happen to my family. Like I'm literally every sore point for them - and that's when I'm not even thinking about family. When I'm being selfish (which is more often than not); I just wish that I would not wake up tomorrow. The first time I self-harmed was when I was fourteen. Fat lot of good that did. I've had futile suicide attempts since then (I can't even do that right - that's how fecking useless I am). Sorry to everyone reading this; I'm just really in a low point right now. The best I can do for this world is just disappear.
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#570
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^^ I'm so sorry you are feeling so low Austere. Please don't feel that you need to apologise for posting your feelings here, that's exactly what this thread is for and it's the one place where you can guarantee your voice will he heard Don't give up, you have as much to offer this world as anyone else. Be gentle with yourself x
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