What I did today - for small achievements and cheers

[flumpsy]

I bought more gelcaps to get 5htp down me orally, lines are rank and bombing makes flumpsy tummy tummy puky.

I shared a personal video connected to the real me with ha forum member.

I got a couple of hours sleep until woken by a mate txting to see if I was ok

[blancmange]

Thanks Nat

Well Done flumpsy, I hope you can get a better nights sleep tonight

[blancmange]

Thanks multiple miggs Yeah I do find walking has a really calming effect, I just need to do it more often.

[flumpsy]

thanks Dimplesxo

now I know I had a couple of hours, I can live on that, the worry is gone so I should be ok. Even of I dont get any more I should be ok so I dont worry so much... well, until 4 or 5 at least

And well done you, new places is a great thing to push for, if you have been there before you have probably felt anxiety there before too, nice to get out of the cycle.

[blancmange]

Not being able to sleep is the worst, I really struggle with it too.

Thanks I've been there a few times but not since last Summer. I hope to try and challenge myself to go more often though. It was a good feeling.

[flumpsy]

The flump is pumped, I know this thread is for small achievements but this is probably small to most. Plus a huge ramble because this is totally unexpected.

For me this is big, and it is directly because of the "video introductions thread!", in particular miggs latest vid but all of them to be honest.
So thank you.


1 hr ago, I was looking through that brave thread. Just feeling good about people in general. Showing themselves trying to conquer a fear, leaving in the awkward gaps etc. Then my mobile rings, I look at the face and it has my best mates name. I just pick it up with thinking and answer it. I just didnt think. An hour later I just got off the phone. For me the talking is normally fine but I just dont get that far, I cant pick it up.

Looking at the phone and answering without thinking is huge. I have no doubt a different number may have caused problems but it isnt just that I answered, it is that I didnt consider not answering. It is my mate, he wants me, I will answer it, it wasnt even that much thought. This is the thinking I want to get back to, or more like the lack of thinking. I doubt its fixed from now on but I really didn't expect this so soon.

Normally I would not answer and would just txt or email him to see what he wants. Sometimes I would prepare myself, and then when ready txt him to ring back and I would face the fear and pickup. He is my only good long term mate left, I am sure there are others I could pick back up with effort but he just is always going to be there and vice versa. He also has similar but different issues so we have an understanding and make allowances.

I haven't seen him for about 8 months, in that time I have spoken to him perhaps 4 times, around when another mate was given 48 hrs to live and I couldnt even find a way to visit him in hospital (I really hated myself then), he pulled through btw. Anyway we sent daily emails and txts and do go away together. It is things like not answering when my best mate rings that break through my "dont beat yourself up" strategy and makes me feel shit for the rest of the day, so I am chuffed.

Of course when I answered he says "oh my god are you ok, you answered !"

And yeah, most of the conversation was about our issues but more positive. And we talked details about a holiday we have in 2 weeks that I was ignoring because I cant deal with it right now. I stopped when he got to hotels, I am not good at hotels so I always go to campsites and he has the hotel. Happy to explain why that works better if anybody wants.

So, to summerise and so any googlers who find this without knowing what SA is and want a laugh.

My best mate rang.
I answered the phone.

I feel incredible and so happy with myself. Full of nervous energy now.

Wow, look at all that text I just typed, and you read all that ? So well don you as well for wanting to absorb the flumpy chuftness

Right, tomorrow. Answer the door, tidy the house, plug the landline back in, get a girlfriend.
Well, actually anybody who read my initial blog/breakdown knows that I know not to move too fast. The enrgy means I feel like I want to keep typing but obviously, I have said everything Imagine if I felt this good every time I picked the phone up ! I ddnt do it intentionally but if you have some difficult thing to do, it may be worth watching that thread ? Cant hurt.

I know I will probably come back and delete half f this but I will be leaving the content.

[Azalea]

Brilliant flumpy

[flumpsy]

Thanks folks, my arms are still pumped. Literally nobody would get this apart from you guys. Hmm, better calm down before bed time ,,,,,,,

[Azalea]

^ depends what you're planning to do in bed.

[flumpsy]

yep, well I was planning on going to sleep but I guess I will see

[Azalea]

^ there you go again, using that strange word I don't understand.

[flumpsy]

I heard it on here, haven't tried it yet. It sounds pretty boring tbh It sounds similar to eyelid watching only less aware. Very odd.

[flumpsy]

ta miggs, I worked it out and I havent done that for well over 2 years, probably 3 and even then it was on and off.

I have answered it but not without taking a breath, and having to try.

Actually the guitar video thing was today too, after putting it up, not sleeping at all, being really anxious all morning and getting no work done, by about 2pm it really dropped down, I was sort of, curious as to the reaction, and also slightly anxious in case something negative got posted (or somebody recognised me) but it did drop right down to a comfortable level. By 5, it wasnt on my mind at all.

And when a lovely lady sent me pm about it I didnt think "oh shit, that is still up there"... So all in all a good day.

Sorry for anybody have troubles I know this isnt what you want to hear but things can be got over.

I dont plan on anything else for a couple of days.

[blancmange]

Yay go flumpsy! That is a massive achievement.

[flumpsy]

And unexpected, wasnt even trying to do anything like that. Thanks all, you can see my joy in the word count

[Z.]

Well done flumpsy

[Azi]

I survived a parents' evening! Last time I abandoned my husband to go and hide in the car, so to have managed to talk to 3 teachers and ask them a bunch of questions is huge for me.

[flumpsy]

I simply cannot imagine Azi, amazing, well done indeed.

[Azalea]

Originally Posted by Azi

I survived a parents' evening! Last time I abandoned my husband to go and hide in the car, so to have managed to talk to 3 teachers and ask them a bunch of questions is huge for me.

Well done Azi, great acheivement.

Parents' evening was always difficult for me, especially the high school ones when you had to see 6 or 7 different teachers. You weren't supposed to take the kids with you but it was the only way I could do it.
Luckily my kids are all too old for school now.

[Azi]

Thanks, Flumpster! Unfortunately, one of the teachers was a right numpty so I'm now having to draft a letter of complaint to the head of year. Fun times!

[Azi]

Originally Posted by Azalea

Well done Azi, great acheivement.

Parents' evening was always difficult for me, especially the high school ones when you had to see 6 or 7 different teachers. You weren't supposed to take the kids with you but it was the only way I could do it.
Luckily my kids are all too old for school now.

Thanks Azzles!

Really?! Surely the parents should decide if their kids should hear the feedback. Pfft schools are annoying. I tried not to let on to the kids when I think the school's being stupid but it's hard. I had a mini rant about the fact they sent home a sniffy letter about kids attending the evening in uniform. My feeling is that if it's outside of school hours and they're in my care, I should get to decide what they can wear. But there's really no point in railing against the system, just gives you a headache!

[Azalea]

The last few years mykids were there they changed it to a review day where they went with you to see the form tutor and discussed ways to improve.
They still did the big ones where you saw everyone but only 2 or 3 times which I found much better.

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by Nat36

^ thanks mo and what a fantastic week you had last week!

Originally Posted by Azalea

Well done Mo and Nat.

Originally Posted by Custard_cream

Well done Mo and Nat.

This is going to sound really pathetic but I actually cooked myself some tea, which was quite healthy too - which is good , because I've not even had the motivation to even eat most nights just recently.

Originally Posted by Dimplesxo

Great job guys!

About an hour ago I managed to go out and I went somewhere different! The last few days I have been feeling really crap but I managed to push myself to go to the woods with my Dog & Dad, it was completely empty and I only stayed about 10 minuets but I feel like its such an achievement as it was way out of my comfort/safe zone. It was so lovely and peaceful.

Sorry have only just viewed these.
Thanks
Well done to you guys too

[Silent Ninja]

Well, my GPS says I hit 41.8mph on the flat this morning, it's almost definitely a bit of a glitch, but I'm going to take it.

[Indigo_]

Made it round the shops today with hardly any SA

Okay, so I wasn't on my own, and it's a very familiar place but I don't think I've ever had that minimal amount of anxiety whilst shopping.

[Custard_cream]

Originally Posted by DefyingGravity

Made it round the shops today with hardly any SA

Okay, so I wasn't on my own, and it's a very familiar place but I don't think I've ever had that minimal amount of anxiety whilst shopping.

That's brilliant, well done DG.

[Indigo_]

^ Thanks CC

[newbs16]

I do try to do things on my own esp things that I would rely on my parents for I try to push myself!

[flumpsy]

^ always good to try newbie,

[HiImJen123]

I just did a university presentation even though I stumbled over words and I could feel my heart beat in my face I'm pleased that I managed to say what I wanted to and didn't let my group down