I don't deserve christmas

[Biggie14]

Just a general rant, feel free to ignore...

This summer I have contributed nothing to anyone or anything. All I have done in my spare time is play Xbox, not bothering to get a summer job like everyone else (partly due to SA, but I'm not blaming that) and yet my parents seem willing to spend hundreds of pounds on gifts such as driving lessons, which I really should be funding myself. If anything, I should be spending hundreds of pounds on them instead of purchasing measly gifts such as books and CD's, considering how hard they work for my benefit. So many people deseve Christmas more than I do; the starving in Africa for instance, and I only wish we could switch roles, then we'd both get what we deserve.

[peterjohn]

It's hard to know how to respond to your post and the best way that I can respond is to say that God loves you unconditionally. Sometimes it feels like the only choice, in view of our behaviour, is to proverbially beat ourslves up. In terms of faith you needn't for the God that I have come to know is an all embracing, forgiving God who will, if you ask, set you free.
God bless Peter

[Reader]

Originally Posted by Biggie14

Just a general rant, feel free to ignore...

This summer I have contributed nothing to anyone or anything. All I have done in my spare time is play Xbox, not bothering to get a summer job like everyone else (partly due to SA, but I'm not blaming that) and yet my parents seem willing to spend hundreds of pounds on gifts such as driving lessons, which I really should be funding myself. If anything, I should be spending hundreds of pounds on them instead of purchasing measly gifts such as books and CD's, considering how hard they work for my benefit. So many people deseve Christmas more than I do; the starving in Africa for instance, and I only wish we could switch roles, then we'd both get what we deserve.

Thanks for your honesty, even if you are being hard on yourself. At least you recognise the issues. Have you thought about volunteering? There are loads of organisations out there that need people to help. Each area has a Volunteer Centre. Maybe you could think about that. You wouldn't need to commit loads of time-anything from an hour a week/month. Just an idea.

[pinkwafer]

I kind of feel like that, except change the word 'christmas' to 'life'.

Although, I cannot say my parents spoil me, as they have very low income, I've never been spoilt the way other kids were.

Instead, the welfare state spoils me. Should I thank New Labour? Should I submit to Blair...you know poeple knock him but he did good for people like me.

I'm not going feel guilty as such, I was born into a world which I cannot undertand, I don't understand people, we are all going to die, then were finished. We are all nothing, it doesn't matter what you achieve cos you'll rot into the ground (or be burned) like the rest of us. I know thats a pretty depressing way of looking at it, but I'd rather it just be over now.

[Freespirit]

Originally Posted by Biggie14

Just a general rant, feel free to ignore...

This summer I have contributed nothing to anyone or anything. All I have done in my spare time is play Xbox, not bothering to get a summer job like everyone else (partly due to SA, but I'm not blaming that) and yet my parents seem willing to spend hundreds of pounds on gifts such as driving lessons, which I really should be funding myself. If anything, I should be spending hundreds of pounds on them instead of purchasing measly gifts such as books and CD's, considering how hard they work for my benefit. So many people deseve Christmas more than I do; the starving in Africa for instance, and I only wish we could switch roles, then we'd both get what we deserve.

Christmas, to me, isn't about the presents it's about putting my feet up, having a beer and watching TV...but anyways..

You may not deserve the gifts etc but you deserve time to forgive yourself for your pitfalls and just say 'hey wtf'. Something which might make you feel better and would really please your parents would be to help out on christmas day, even if it's just for 30 minutes. Then --> slippers back on --> beer in glass --> xbox control in hand --> enjoy!

Originally Posted by becky1789

I kind of feel like that, except change the word 'christmas' to 'life'.

Although, I cannot say my parents spoil me, as they have very low income, I've never been spoilt the way other kids were.

Instead, the welfare state spoils me. Should I thank New Labour? Should I submit to Blair...you know poeple knock him but he did good for people like me.

I'm not going feel guilty as such, I was born into a world which I cannot undertand, I don't understand people, we are all going to die, then were finished. We are all nothing, it doesn't matter what you achieve cos you'll rot into the ground (or be burned) like the rest of us. I know thats a pretty depressing way of looking at it, but I'd rather it just be over now.

This world goes right over my head. woosh. I dont really get the meaning of all the little pointless day to day shit I do. I don't like getting up when my alarm goes off, I don't like work, I barely like anyone, I hate shopping, I even get fed up being on the computer and watching film after film - which just makes me think 'why the hell do I do all this crap?'. I don't know and don't think I ever will. I find it exhausting.

[pinkwafer]

The worst thing about doing nothing is that it's very depressing, it makes you feel very low. You have no routine, and then create a routine of nothingness. It makes you want to die. It makes you feel worthless. You can't sleep. Days just pass you by. You look in the mirror into your eyes and you see nothing there, your eyes are dead, there is no hope in your eyes, they are dull, and if you look too long you just might cry, because you feel sorry for yourself and hate yourself at the same time.

Then you might even get a knife, and your crying and your alone, and you want to do it, but you can't. Because something is stopping you, for me its my family. And your eyes are red from crying and you look a state and people don't even notice. You can sit there crying and nobody cares. They don't care because this is you. Your the weirdo you always sad. So you go into the toilets and you lock the door, and your in these toilets crying because you don't want to publically shame yourself. Then you can't cry no more, you wanna cry but you can't cry. This is when its worse than actually crying all the time. This is when your empty. This is when you need help.

[Mr_Bean]

ah Christmas is a silly time. All it is is being festive, spending time with your family and trading gifts. There is no more analysis than that, just enjoy it.