Emotional Numbness

[alpha]

Hi, there are very few people that I tell about feeling this way so I just wanted to get this out and see if anyone else can relate.

For some time now I've felt emotionally numb, not happy, not sad, just flat. To me this is a result of being beyond depressed and beyond suicidal. I feel like I've been through so much in my life and fought so hard for what I wanted but in the end it all came to nothing (yes, this is starting to sound like a Linkin Park song and not Numb!). So then I just sort of gave up all hope, assumed that everything would go wrong so there was no point in trying anymore. I lost interest in everything and everyone. I know that may sound bad but it was partly a result of being hurt too many times by people. One of the worst things about all of this is that I can remember the last time I cried and it was several years ago. Now this worries me quite a bit, I know that it isn't normal and would give anything just to be able to cry again right now just for the emotional release. I don't really understand why I can't cry. I do however get frustrated and angry, I think my emotion possibly comes out in this way??

I am seeing a counsellor at the moment and have just started a new anti-depressant (duloxetine). And I'm always trying to do something or other to improve my life but it seems extremely hard to get out of this emotional rut. So is anybody able to relate to any of this or offer any advice? Hopefully you don't all think I'm completely mad

[alpha]

Thanks for the reply vaxjo, appreciate you taking the time to read that. I just presumed not crying was a sign of emotional numbness as I used to cry not too infrequently. But maybe it's not, I was just going on my own personal experience. I do know that feeling the need to cry but not being able to isn't good and that's the way I feel right now.

With regards to it getting better as you get older, I'm early 30s so not exactly young myself lol. Hopefully there's still some hope for me yet though!

[Coffee]

I find crying very hard too, although I think sometimes it would be a great release. I know I'll probably get attacked for saying this is more of a male thing but I think it is. For me it's not numbness so much as I always held my emotions in and pushed forward so I never showed I wasn't ok.

[alpha]

To be honest I was going to say about it being a male thing but I held back, probably for the same reason as you. No doubt it's also an issue for some women but I think men are more likely to try (or learn) not to show their emotions which can surely make crying harder. Personally there aren't many people I've ever felt comfortable showing my emotions around and thinking about it now, the type of people that I have felt more comfortable around, I haven't had many of them around for a while so maybe that could be a big part of the issue!