Borderline Personality Disorder

[alpha]

Has anyone here been diagnosed with it? I've been told by a psychiatrist recently that I have a considerable amount of BPD traits, although he didn't think I qualify as having the full blown personality disorder. A counselor I'm seeing at the moment seems to tend towards believing that I actually do (although she admits it's a spectrum, not really a binary thing).

Anyway if there is anyone out there with BPD what ways do you find of coping with the strong emotions? I feel like that's the hardest part of it, I have high standards for people in terms of loyalty, selflessness, empathy etc because I have high standards for myself. It hurts a lot when it feels like any trust I put into someone is betrayed or that I'm being mistreated or disrespected. And I tend to overreact because of that. And also the fear of being abandoned by romantic partners is a big problem for me. It often ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy too and I seem to have a habit of picking people (or them picking me) who have emotionally avoidant traits, which just happens to be about the worst possible combination for me.

Perhaps some people who don't have BPD can also relate to one or two of these traits?

[Deer]

I've just found out that this is what I was diagnosed with. I was told to read a leaflet on BPD when I was in MH unit but no one has mentioned me being diagnosed with it until few days ago when I spoke to psychiatrist.

[Deer]

As for dealing with it, I can't really say yet. I'm just at the beginning of understanding it.

[Sunrise]

Originally Posted by Deer

I've just found out that this is what I was diagnosed with. I was told to read a leaflet on BPD when I was in MH unit but no one has mentioned me being diagnosed with it until few days ago when I spoke to psychiatrist.

This was similar to my experience. They seemed very reluctant to initially reveal the diagnosis or actually discuss it with me. It's still very stigmatised though, even amongst mental health professional types. I was eventually offered group DBT, but I didn't find it taking place in a group setting helpful as it was very "one size fits all" and I was unable to discuss my own personal issues.

The way I deal with it? Badly. The best approach I've found is to avoid people as much as possible as it's stops me getting hurt and me hurting them. I'm definitely not recommending this approach though.

[Azalea]

Originally Posted by alpha

I have high standards for people in terms of loyalty, selflessness, empathy etc because I have high standards for myself. It hurts a lot when it feels like any trust I put into someone is betrayed or that I'm being mistreated or disrespected.

That describes me exactly.
I also try to push people away if they are getting too close as that way I have control and being hurt by myself is easier than being hurt by another person.

[Deer]

Does anyone know of good sources available for folks with BPD?
My psychiatrist recommended an Australian website but I can't remember what it was called?

[Deer]

Are you folks on meds?

[alpha]

Originally Posted by Deer

Does anyone know of good sources available for folks with BPD?
My psychiatrist recommended an Australian website but I can't remember what it was called?

I would just Google "Dialectical Behavioural Therapy" as it's the standard treatment. I've only just started this so I don't have many specific sources, sorry.

[alpha]

Originally Posted by Deer

Are you folks on meds?

I take quetiapine which is a mood stabiliser. It helps me not to have so many fits of anger. None of the other medications I'm on are for BPD symptoms.

[alpha]

Originally Posted by Sunrise

This was similar to my experience. They seemed very reluctant to initially reveal the diagnosis or actually discuss it with me. It's still very stigmatised though, even amongst mental health professional types.

I was reading this research paper recently about BPD and chronic pain (a lot of people have both). It talked about people with BPD like they are all villains and the whole thing was geared towards helping the healthcare professional as opposed to the patient.

[Deer]

Originally Posted by alpha

I take quetiapine which is a mood stabiliser. It helps me not to have so many fits of anger. None of the other medications I'm on are for BPD symptoms.

My online friend uses Quetiapine. I started on Lamotrigine about 2 weeks ago now.
Not sure how I feel about it so far. Only on 25mg at the moment. Progressing to 50 mg next week.

My emotions seem more intense. Anger comes on in an instant which has made me avoid people alot. Slightest thing seems to send me in a rage.
I'm not sure if this is the medication or whether it is just the fact that since I've got the diagnosis, gained more insight into the disorder, that I'm just more aware of how I feel.
I seem to have a lot more 'oh feck!' moments too. You know, the memories that flash up of embarrassing moments and the ways in which I have overreacted or not reacted at all. So alot of self-loathing at the moment but also feel it has put alot of mental baggage into perspective.

How you doing ?

[firemonkey]

http://www.bpdrecovery.com/256-shades-of-bpd

[alpha]

Originally Posted by Deer

My online friend uses Quetiapine. I started on Lamotrigine about 2 weeks ago now.

Not sure how I feel about it so far. Only on 25mg at the moment. Progressing to 50 mg next week.



My emotions seem more intense. Anger comes on in an instant which has made me avoid people alot. Slightest thing seems to send me in a rage.

I'm not sure if this is the medication or whether it is just the fact that since I've got the diagnosis, gained more insight into the disorder, that I'm just more aware of how I feel.

I seem to have a lot more 'oh feck!' moments too. You know, the memories that flash up of embarrassing moments and the ways in which I have overreacted or not reacted at all. So alot of self-loathing at the moment but also feel it has put alot of mental baggage into perspective.



How you doing ?

I think I'm going to have to come off of quetiapine, or at least reduce the dose, it has destroyed my short-term memory to a worrying degree. I am on other drugs too so it may be a cumulative effect but there are plenty of reports online of quetiapine having that effect on memory.

Other than that, I'm not doing too badly at the moment I guess. I have some things to keep me occupied going on and haven't had any relationship problems recently so it may be down to all of that, rather than any medication. And I'm doing Dialectical Behavioural Therapy but I feel like I'm not putting enough effort into it due to feeling so dejected and depressed.

I get those "oh feck" moments all the time, I always had these down as a strange side effect of SA rather than BPD. But they're almost like flash backs and extremely psychologically painful. A lot of the time the situation that I'm getting a flash back of I didn't even feel any embarrassment about at the time, it's weird!

[Deer]

Well, my friend said the same thing about her medication. She is on two, so not sure which one is causing that for her. Is Quetiapine the one that has the common side effect of weight gain also?
She is starting Lamotrigine next week.

Is the DBT online or one on one? I have to have 5 sessions of emotional regulation therapy (or something along those lines) with my CPN before I start DBT. How long did you have to wait to start the DBT? I hear it is quite a waiting list.

Yeah, I don't cope with them flashbacks well at all. Also, just looking at the decisions I've made based solely on impulse or fancy, I find myself thinking, 'what an effing idiot'. I feel the lines have blurred as to my perception of things too. Like, I seem to have umpteen different view points for everything but none quite fit so I never feel rooted in any particular perception. I often get baffled when I see people who are so sure of themselves. It seems alien to me alot of the time.
Even if I start a new hobby ( at the moment it's guitar), I question whether I'm just being a phony. If it is just another persona I'm trying to fit into.
I am sceptical of every emotion I have except maybe, the anger and depression. I strangely feel more normal when I'm depressed or angry.
I also feel very hesitant about forming any relationships at the moment. It kind of terrifies me. I've treated people quite badly in the past and I can't cope with the likelihood of that happening again.

I haven't read up on DBT. I have always been quite sceptical of therapies so I'm wanting to go into it blindly. I want to try anything to give myself a chance at some sort of recovery and I feel if I read about it, it will put me off. I already heard that mindfulness plays a big role in DBT and that fills me with dread. I hate mindfulness.

[alpha]

Originally Posted by Deer

Well, my friend said the same thing about her medication. She is on two, so not sure which one is causing that for her. Is Quetiapine the one that has the common side effect of weight gain also?
She is starting Lamotrigine next week.

I think quetiapine can cause weight gain but so can most anti-depressants or "anti-psychotic" medication. It's reassuring to hear about your friend having the same issues to be honest, I was a bit worried I was developing some sort of dementia!

Originally Posted by Deer

Is the DBT online or one on one? I have to have 5 sessions of emotional regulation therapy (or something along those lines) with my CPN before I start DBT. How long did you have to wait to start the DBT? I hear it is quite a waiting list.

It's one-to-one but it's online, not face-to-face, because of Covid. I only had to wait a couple of months but I guess it depends on which area you're in etc.

Originally Posted by Deer

Yeah, I don't cope with them flashbacks well at all. Also, just looking at the decisions I've made based solely on impulse or fancy, I find myself thinking, 'what an effing idiot'. I feel the lines have blurred as to my perception of things too. Like, I seem to have umpteen different view points for everything but none quite fit so I never feel rooted in any particular perception. I often get baffled when I see people who are so sure of themselves. It seems alien to me alot of the time.

The thing is that almost every opinion is subjective and there's no way of proving it right or wrong. So if someone is bright enough to work that out then I think a degree of uncertainty and confusion is natural. That's without the added burden of lack of self-confidence or mental health problems though.

Originally Posted by Deer

Even if I start a new hobby ( at the moment it's guitar), I question whether I'm just being a phony. If it is just another persona I'm trying to fit into.
I am sceptical of every emotion I have except maybe, the anger and depression. I strangely feel more normal when I'm depressed or angry.
I also feel very hesitant about forming any relationships at the moment. It kind of terrifies me. I've treated people quite badly in the past and I can't cope with the likelihood of that happening again.

I think if you feel guilty for treating people badly then you can't be that much of a bad person! Plus I think it's easy to beat ourselves up about how we've acted in interpersonal situations without really appreciating how out of order the other person might have been acting. It takes two to tango generally.

Originally Posted by Deer

I haven't read up on DBT. I have always been quite sceptical of therapies so I'm wanting to go into it blindly. I want to try anything to give myself a chance at some sort of recovery and I feel if I read about it, it will put me off. I already heard that mindfulness plays a big role in DBT and that fills me with dread. I hate mindfulness.

Yeah it does involve a fair amount of mindfulness. But not so much the meditative type of mindfulness, more being mindful of your emotions, decision making, etc.

[Deer]

My friend is now waning off her Quetiapine and slowing increasing dosage of Lamotrigine. She says she feels much better. She doesn't feel as lethargic and says she feels much more focused and switched on.

I am just going to wait to do DBT. I think I'd prefer it in a group session. 1. I want to meet folk who are similar 2. I prefer the idea of having conversations amongst others rather than trying to sit and think about what to say to a therapist each and every session.