Is this a common symptom?

Hi there

After years of classing myself as an introvert etc, I read an article about social anxiety in the Guardian at the weekend and it was like a big lightbulb going on - this is what I have!
I have been doing research on the web the last couple of days and found this site which is like coming home!

Anyway, does anyone else feel this way? I deliberately avoid going to the shops/playgrounds or whatever when I know there might possibly be people there that I know? I will go miles out of my just to avoid this. I am fine being around strangers and I love going to visit new towns as I know I won't bump into anyone I know.

I am feeling my life is getting very restricted as I think 'Well, I can't go down the shops today as so-and-so might be walking down the road as they don't work on Mondays' etc.

I can't be spontaneous and just pop out somewhere as i have to think in advance who I might bump into and plan my route accordingly.

Does anyone else feel like this? My husband thought it was agraphobia but I know it's not this as I am quite happy to go outside as long as I don't bump into anyone I know.

Thanks for reading.

Well I just went to the local spar shop and had a panic attck in there coz I was terrified that someone I know might come in when I'm at the till and can't escape quickly! I was thinking 'come on, come on , scan my eggs through quick so I can get the hell out of here' I dunno if this is a symptom of S.A. but it is ertainly something I relate to , whatever disorder it may be (Emote: ohwell)

Hiya

Thanks for your reply - yep, I can relate to that!!!

Sounds familiar to me - although I'm 'fortunate' in that I don't know any people who live close by, so I'm unlikely to just bump into them by chance.
Last time I saw someone I know but wasn't expecting to see, I was in Ikea. He didn't see me, so I made a detour, and went to the checkout as quickly as possible to make sure I didn't bump into him.
So I effectively abandoned my shopping half way through (an 80 mile round trip), just because I was scared of saying hello to someone I know (Emote: confusedpurple)


The Guardian article is online at http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/st...464907,00.html

Hi,Iknow exactly how you feel too.Some days when I'm in Tescos if I see someone I know,and they haven't seen me,I'll take my time going up the aisles so they'll be finished and left the store,although sometimes it's a bit like hide and seek if they stop and look at things!I also check to see who's on the checkouts as sometimes some of them want to chat instead of just getting on with their job.You are not alone!(Emote: roundnround)

I have been plagued by this on-off all my life. Its like normal shyness + a problem area in your life = social phobic feelings.

Quote: null
Yes Inxs93 I think what you describe is related to social phobia. I can sometimes handle running into people I know, other times I just hate it because of the chance of being asked questions like, what have you been doing lately? Are you working? Etc. People you don’t know don't usually ask searching questions early on whilst people you do know want to know more about your life and head-set to connect deeper than usual inane drivel.

Recently I have tried to force myself to go out more. I then took great note of my anxiety and afterwards tried to put it in perspective. What transpires is that I'm trying to avoid being confronted about areas of my life I'm ashamed of.

Conversely if some areas of my life are going well then I don't avoid as much.

Are you working?

One of my worries is that people who I used to work with will meet me while I'm wandering around locally. I've not worked for the past 5 months - my choice essentially, I'm not officially employed. I don't want them to ask me what I'm up to. Their opinion shouldn't bother me, its myself who has the problem.

The real reason I'm not working is that I was very unhappy with my life and am trying to sort myself out. This involves facing up to the consequences of my avoidant/anxious behaviour. Work seemed to take so much out of me, I functioned well there but was a nervous wreck when I came home. In the mean time I've done some exams and therefore have some tangible signs of progress. I'm making good use of the time in positive self-analysis and I'm socialising more, talking about my issues and listening to others. I'll work when my financial status forces me to or I'm very confident within myself.

Where are you living?

This one means avoiding conversations/friends rather than places. My social and emotional life have declined over the last 10 years as friends have moved on. For various reasons I ended back at my parents house, this was supposed to be 3 months most but I'm still there 3 years later. This was probably a mistake as its left me feeling embarrassed about being their indefinitely at my age. However, this one is under control and I am moving in the next month.

Are you seeing anyone?

Like the above its friends/acquaintances I avoid rather than places. Again I'm much happier within myself and feel I can now make things happen. Still not having any evidence of this makes me reluctant to talk/meet with friends.

What have you been up to?

Actually lots, with not working you can exercise, read more (mostly about social anxiety/coping with shyness), listen to music,go out to concerts (on my own mostly), talk online with sa-ukers. Everyday is Saturday, unless your feeling down when its seems like Sunday evening. I've been house hunting, interacting with estate agents, house sellers, mortgage providers etc. Interestly this stuff is not as hard as it might seem - you are in the position of power with them, you choose. Last time I went looking for rented accommodation it was very stressful, I needed references from work/ex landlords/ friends, proof of earnings and it was up to the landlord whether he let me live there.

Re: Whatever?

I have a pile of emails where its my turn to reply. Not that you should get hung up too much on etiquette. But still some are a couple of years old. Its as if I'll reply when I move out/Get a Job/Get a Girlfriend whatever.

Theres no shame in admitting you have a problem with this. I feel much better for having met with fellow SA-UKers, talking online and sharing. People are very encouraging.

thanks for your replies.

I do believe that my SA is caused as a direct result of actual situations rather than just from a fear of being in social situations.

I feel I do get a lot of rejection and just feel politely tolerrated by people rather than warmly accepted. I feel they would rather spend time with other people than me and only see me if they have absolutley nothing else to do or their proper friends aren't around or whatever.

I had a situation last week where I was meant to meet up with a friend then whhen I rang her the day before to confirm the time, she said that she had been invited to someone else's house and was going to that instead although I could go along if I wanted. She may as well have said 'I would prefer to see this other girl than you but you can tag along if you have to'.
Needless to say, I didn't go and haven't heard from her since.

My sister in law was meant to ring me the followinng week about taking our children to a softplay - well that was nearly 3 months ago and I've heard nothing. I feel people are trying to shake me off so I have come to the conclusion that I will just keep myself to myself so that people don't have to feel duty bound to see me when they would rather spend their time elsewhere and so that I don't have to taint the world with my presence!

Sorry I've waffled!

Hi, I was really surprised when I read your message about avoiding people you know and only feeling comfortable around strangers, as I thought I was the only person who also feels like this and I thought I was just a bit weird. If i'm in the supermarket and I see someone I know I get this feeling of dread and I have to avoid them at all costs. It's the same if I walk down the street and see someone I'll cross over the road just to avoid them and if someone approaches me I start getting all flustered and I go bright red. My anxiety started when I was 19 and i'm now 33 and I think it's getting worse rather than better. I used to have bad panic attacks but luckily i've not had a full blown one for about 10 yrs now, when I feel the panic symptoms come over me I seem to be able to control it before it turns into a full blown attack. I've even avoided going to the doctors about it because i'm ashamed and I know i'll even get flustered and go red explaining it to him so i'm just used to putting up with it. People I know (including my partner) would probably be surprised reading this as people think i'm a confident outgoing person and I couldn't tell anyone how I feel because i'd be so embarrassed by it. Although I enjoy going out with friends socialising I can only really relax and enjoy myself when I've got drink in me and people think i'm the life and soul but only if they really knew, deep down i'm an insecure neurotic wreck. It has made me feel a bit better reading other's stories so I know i'm not alone but I just wish I knew what's caused me to be like this.

Hi Madhonour,

I think its really good that you have been able to express yourself on here. like many people I thought i was the only person like this and i can relate to what peolple have written about avoiding people and places etc. I have had these feelings for as long as i can remember.

It does help talking about it but to make really changes we need to get help from the necessary people and i think you should try and get some help for it..via your GP .
It took me a long time to talk to my GP about it but it was worth it in the long term...i couldn't keep putting up with it.


take care ,

shaukat.

[kardeg1]

I honestly thought I was the only person that avoided people they know as I do this all the time even though it annoys me that I haven't made the effort to at least say hello, but my sa seems to stop me alot of the time. I need to know the person really well before I will talk to them, but most of the time it is the other person that does most of the talking. I am really glad to know that I am not the only one that does this.

[Peasie]

I met my brother's wife when I was coming out of the supermarket tonight. All I could do was say hello and walk on. How ignorant is that? Maybe she knows I have SA and that's why I never speak to anyone - my brother knows all about my SA so I assume he's told his wife.

[deegee]

Yes, know exactly how you feel. I even look out of my window, before going out, just to make sure no-ones about.

[Sara B]

Yes, I use to feel really anxious in case I met anyone I know when I was out anywhere. I remember bumping into someone I used to know - and I remember being hardly able to say anything as I felt so anxious and panicky. I manage to deal with it better now - though still find it difficult. I think I also felt so worried/anxious about people asking what I was doing these days? etc.

[sarahh]

I have just googles "avoiding bumping into people i know" and ended up on here reading the thread..
Wow im not the only one.
I avoid going into supermarkets near to me where there maybe people i know even friends,old work collegues,relatives as i know at the first site i will panic,head down,turn and run with my heart in my hand!I drive or go to one's where i think chances of bumping into someone i know are slim,or go after i finish work at 4 as i doubt people i know will be shopping then!

I never answer my phone to friends,who now never ring me
I avoid going on dates involving a drink as i find the pressure awful and so turn guys down
I now dont have the conf to go to interviews to get a better job as i panicked last time and it was sooo humiliating

I look out the window too before i go out the front!

I don't even go round to family apart from my mum as i dont think they'll really want to see me

I never offer to go out with friends scared of rejection and thats just by text!

I hate present giving , scared of rejection incase they dont like it

I am fine talking to strangers on the phone at work but as soon as someone i know rings up , i go to pieces tryin to sounds funny,interesting or interested!

I cant handle ringing in sick when i feel ill,scared il get b***loked by my dad or told off if you like

In groups at work or with friends i dont tell stories or jokes alot, i kind of sit and observe hoping no one will put me on the spot and ask me to tell them some story

I want to get fit and make friends but i cant ace joining a gym or club alone i cant go jogging alone for fear of being watched/judged

I am ok going out with friends if it involves drinking and dates are the same.... when i am drinking i am confident and will dance and be the clown fun person i want to be

Ok..enough waffle, just good to get it off my chest... if anyone else has similar experiences or limitations! get in touch il be glad to hear from you

Thanks
S

[hardy]

It is a quite common thing if you have SA . The reason is not really suprising . You are not very confident about talking and so you like to avoid or keep down the pain and difficulty by not doing it much . so when you meet somone you know, you panic because social ettiquette virtually says you MUST talk to them.

No more suprising than if you were not good at juggling and then you spotted somone approaching who you knew would ask you to do it and expect 5 balls!

[kingdarz]

Originally Posted by goody2shoes

Hi,Iknow exactly how you feel too.Some days when I'm in Tescos if I see someone I know,and they haven't seen me,I'll take my time going up the aisles so they'll be finished and left the store,although sometimes it's a bit like hide and seek if they stop and look at things!I also check to see who's on the checkouts as sometimes some of them want to chat instead of just getting on with their job.You are not alone!(Emote: roundnround)

i have done this so many times lol....

[SoftlySpoken1]

Originally Posted by inxs93

Anyway, does anyone else feel this way? I deliberately avoid going to the shops/playgrounds or whatever when I know there might possibly be people there that I know? I will go miles out of my just to avoid this. I am fine being around strangers and I love going to visit new towns as I know I won't bump into anyone I know.

I am feeling my life is getting very restricted as I think 'Well, I can't go down the shops today as so-and-so might be walking down the road as they don't work on Mondays' etc.

Yes absolutely - this is called avoidance - and I totally relate to it and have done it for absolutely years - I used to drive miles round town after taking my son to school so that I wouldn't meet my neighbour when I got home! and remember hiding in the library from a friend - and her little son finding me! I have to say I have changed now!!! So it is possible!

[iocat]

Originally Posted by sarahh

I have just googles "avoiding bumping into people i know" and ended up on here reading the thread..
Wow im not the only one.
I avoid going into supermarkets near to me where there maybe people i know even friends,old work collegues,relatives as i know at the first site i will panic,head down,turn and run with my heart in my hand!I drive or go to one's where i think chances of bumping into someone i know are slim,or go after i finish work at 4 as i doubt people i know will be shopping then!

I never answer my phone to friends,who now never ring me
I avoid going on dates involving a drink as i find the pressure awful and so turn guys down
I now dont have the conf to go to interviews to get a better job as i panicked last time and it was sooo humiliating

I look out the window too before i go out the front!

I don't even go round to family apart from my mum as i dont think they'll really want to see me

I never offer to go out with friends scared of rejection and thats just by text!

I hate present giving , scared of rejection incase they dont like it

I am fine talking to strangers on the phone at work but as soon as someone i know rings up , i go to pieces tryin to sounds funny,interesting or interested!

I cant handle ringing in sick when i feel ill,scared il get b***loked by my dad or told off if you like

In groups at work or with friends i dont tell stories or jokes alot, i kind of sit and observe hoping no one will put me on the spot and ask me to tell them some story

I want to get fit and make friends but i cant ace joining a gym or club alone i cant go jogging alone for fear of being watched/judged

I am ok going out with friends if it involves drinking and dates are the same.... when i am drinking i am confident and will dance and be the clown fun person i want to be

Ok..enough waffle, just good to get it off my chest... if anyone else has similar experiences or limitations! get in touch il be glad to hear from you

Thanks
S

I do every thing you have mentioned in your post sarah down to the letter, avoidance is a huge problem for me. The only one I've really cracked in you list is going for Interviews. They still fill me with absolute dread before hand but I've been for so many interviews over the years that I now know what they want to hear and how stay in control of the situation. Easier said than done but the key is exposure - the more interviews you go to the easier they will become.