#1
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Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
When I was a child I used to believe myself a bad person, I never really questioned why. I never intentionally seeked out bad things to do, but if I did find myself in a situation with my morals in question, then ‘bad person’ disposition would justify my actions like a ‘get out of jail free card’. As I got older I still continued to label myself bad, but it did begin to trouble me. I didn’t want to be a bad person, but why was I a bad person?
The more I questioned it the more I began to realise that I may not in fact be a bad person. In fact, the more and more I analyzed it, repeatedly became my conclusion that I wasn’t a bad person. I soon come to realise, over some thought, that my believes in my badness was simply a countering to my undesired past. I guess I felt so strongly hard done by, that I justified the bad things that happened to me by convincing myself I deserved it. I still feel like I'm constantly questioning myself, I still don't actually know if I am indeed a bad person, or if it even matters. Does anybody else feel like this? Is this normal? What are your thoughts? |
#2
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
I don't know why, but I feel like a bad person. Rather than having done anything bad to make me like that, it feels like my default position, and everything is a reflection of it. I try to be 'good', I'm generally nice to people, I give to charity, I don't do anything to hurt anyone, but none of it makes me feel like a good person, it's just me compensating for my innate badness, like I have something to prove to myself, and a sort of mask to prevent people seeing me for who I think I really am. I actually feel bad about being good sometimes, like I'm a complete fraud and I'm conning people into believing I'm something I'm not.
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#4
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
Quote:
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#5
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
I rarely see anyone as an absolute label, we're all capable of being bad, or good. I think it's entirely situation and there's usually always a complex reasoning behind some negative behaviour.
I'm the best of both worlds. |
#6
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
^ It does make sense, I'm sorry you feel that way That's kind of what it's like for me too, very little has to even be happening to make me feel that way, it's like it's my resting point. I'm not aware of anything that caused it though, which makes it harder in a way, because instead of being able to point to a traumatic event or bad upbringing, I feel like I was just born bad.
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#7
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
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And it's not something that changes if people are being nice about you - then you're just like, "Shit, they're fooled for now but soon they'll suss me out!" |
#8
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
^ Yeah, exactly. In fact, people being nice to you can be even worse than if they were being nasty, because there's no one to blame for anything bad you feel but yourself.
I can't imagine what that's like either, it's completely alien to me. I could try to challenge it, but it feels a bit like trying to convince myself that 2+2=5. It's like I'm aware I'm trying to trick myself, so it doesn't work. |
#9
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
Not especially,although I suppose it depends on the definition of `bad`? If bad= mass murderer then no,if it equals someone who messes up and can be a mahoosive bitch under certain circumstances,then yes. I think it`s rare to be the former and pretty normal to be the latter though,so really in that case `bad` just means imperfect and I think everyone is that.
I also think it seems fairly usual for people with SA or other MH issues to be prone to being much more self-analytical and critical which is not in itself a bad thing,but also disproportionately hard on ourselves,very often far harder than we`d be on others. Another random thought (excuse the rambling nature of all this,am so overtired it`s not even funny) but in my experience and observations,the people who think they are the worst are usually who others like,and the people who think they`re the best thing to grace the earth tend to be the opposite. If everyone who thinks they are awful people truly were,they wouldn`t feel so bad about it- truly awful people imo don`t care. I think aiming to get to somewhere in the middle-a happy medium,literally- is the way to go,a place where we can accept we`re not perfect but that`s ok,we`re ok. |
#10
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
I'm not sure that I saw myself as a bad person. More of a useless person, really. Just someone without talent or worth. I have done and said things that I'm not proud of, though. I could have been perceived as bad at times.
Funny enough, one thing that really helped me when it came to finally gaining some sense of self-esteem was the realisation that in the scheme of things I'm not that bad, useless or without worth. I sort of found my baseline when I realised that I was reasonably ok, I do give a crap about life and others and even though I'm deeply flawed and will mess up from time to time, I'm no better or worse than most out there. I can sort of live with that. It gives me a base to build on. That leaves me in a place where I know I'm generally ok, but have potential and room to improve. I think that finding that baseline can be very useful for anyone. It's a stable foundation on which to build up from. |
#11
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
I’m interested in the idea that it could be related to SA in that we are typically overly judgmental off ourselves. That could well be the reasoning to why I would be troubled by such thoughts. I still believe that the cause for my bad label is justification though.
On a slightly side note, do bad people question their morals, I understand what you mean by bad people wouldn’t ask the question but I’m not entirely sure. I’d be interested in what murderers and so on actually think of themselves. |
#12
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
^Yes,I suppose `bad` to me means someone who has bad intent,who are deliberately cruel or mean as a common occurrence,and who feels no guilt afterwards. That`s not to say doing something horrible and then feeling bad about it afterwards wipes the slate clean,but I think it at least shows the person isn`t all `bad`,and therefore more likely to just be fallible. Anyone can do or say `bad` stuff given the right (or wrong depending on how you look at it) set of circumstances,but do they care afterwards? Do they try not to repeat that behaviour? Is that who they are in the normal course of events? I guess all of those things and more add up in my nutso mind to whether I judge someone to be a `good` person who just acted badly,or equally a `bad` person who happened to do something good.
I think sometimes also if we feel judged as bad somehow by others,particularly when young,whether that is actually a false perception or not we can end up almost becoming that in some way as a form of barrier or self-defence- `you think I`m bad? That doesn`t hurt me,I already know I`m scum,I bet I hate me worse than you ever could,I bet I could list 100x more of my faults than you can` type of internal dialogue? Understanding the whys behind someone elses behaviour can be helpful for me to better judge what `type` of person they are,equally remembering the whys of our own actions can sometimes let us cut ourselves a bit more slack if indeed it is warranted. I guess no-one can give an absolute answer on this because what each person thinks of as bad would be different,and even that could change depending on who had done it and why,it`s such a personal judgement call to make in each instance. /end ramble |
#13
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
yes, I have and do use people to distract from my problems. I'm not a good person at all, I'm selfish, but people think I am the loveliest.
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#14
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
I think I'm bad at being a person, also I sometimes wonder what I'd be like if I had no fears or anxieties and I kind of fear that I'd be a right arrogant b*****d (and maybe a bit of a thug too).
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#15
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Re: Do you think you are a 'Bad Person'?
I'm rude/quite blunt..have quite a twisted/dark sense of humour and generally don't care about much in the world at all
I don't know if that makes me "bad", I don't think so?..I do have some good points deep inside somewhere! |