Feel like shite after seeing the doctors.

Grrr I hate this.

So I managed to build up enough courage to see the doctors about my low self esteem and depression and guess what... I couldn’t express my feelings at all.

I've had personal counselling before and that was a complete waste of time because I have the complete inability to express my feelings and it didn’t get anywhere, just made me feel more depressed.

Recently I’ve been having suicidal days. I went to the doctors in hope for medication so I could at least function properly and try and work on my thinking patterns while on meds...

But you know what? I couldn’t even tell the doctor I was suicidal.. I had a smile on my face that I couldn’t seem to stop and I just told her "I’m feeling depressed". So she asked me if I would agree to counselling and although I know it’s a waste of time and I wouldn’t even reply to the letter she sends, I STILL said yes because I felt the inability to say what I really felt.

This is the second time I've been to the doctors and last time was more or less the same process.

God I feel so bad I wish I had never gone to the doctors; this is just damaging my self-esteem even more... Why is it so impossible to tell people how I feel? I tried really hard but still couldn’t do it. The only time I can express myself how I want to is when I'm drunk.

[TimB72]

I'm similar - reluctant to get help, but when I do I give a way little and then wonder why they misunderstand.

In my case I've always repressed things so I guess seeking help and talking about things is just unnatural, so I carry on repressing.

There's loads of stuff I haven't talked about, and just don't want to.

I'm not seeking help again, as I know I will keep repressing things.

[Boc11]

There's no way I could tell my doctor about how I felt - so I wrote it down on paper and presented it to her - it worked a treat.