Being too nice and pretending?

[custom_fusion-lqx]

I tend to always agree with people in real life and you know pretend i like something to please the other person (when deep down im very cynical and critise everything)


examples

Me: so what films do you like?

PersonX: I love that film lord of the rings

Me: Oh yeh man its so epic i watch it so many times

(when in truth it bores me to sleep and i only seen them in half hour parts over a long time) again this is to please the person and not offend them


Me: so what games you play?

PersonX: I love COD its aweomse

Me: yeh man such a good FPS i really like how theyve done it


when in real life i hate the modern call of dutys (modern warfare the original was ok at the time COD 1 and 2 were good world at war was ok i guess) but i hate hate the CODS out today with prebubescent kids whining down a microphone about crap and the graphics are the same as 2006 with the same engine and a new game is released every year when games like battlefield 2 i play for years happlily and they want all the money with no graphical improvements over the old one and conintuing to rake in the money when they could at least use a new engine and get rid of a bunch of the horrible faetures... but im blabbering a bit now)

[Tom123]

To be quite honest, I really get annoyed at that and people who do that sort of thing. Even if they are just trying to be nice, I automatically lose quite a lot of respect for them. I don't see it as being nice at all, the opposite in fact because you're basically lying.

At the end of the day, who really cares if you don't like COD, LOTR, Mother Teresa or Argos?. I personally find it far more interesting to have people disagree with me than somebody who agrees all the time. Makes for better conversation.

I am at the complete opposite scale, I'm a contrarian and will argue the opposite to almost anything when I feel like it.

[i_like_mittens]

Originally Posted by tomtom123

I don't see it as being nice at all, the opposite in fact because you're basically lying.

I have to agree with that.

You can't form decent relationships with people if you're pretending to be someone you're not. That's not being nice or pleasing people. It's deceiving.

I know you may not do it with the intention of deceiving others though. Maybe it's a fear of confrontation, feeling too exposed if you express a different opinion or lack of confidence, etc?

I think you should practice saying what you really think. Not just for the sake of others, but yours too. It's not about 'pleasing others'. You also have to think about what you personally get out of interacting with others... and pretending can't be too satisfying for you either.

[Spilt_Auras]

Nah, it's a downward spiral, I've noticed that's one of my main problems, not so much disagreeing with people but I guess it falls under asserting yourself in general, I think I always overestimate my own aggression when trying to make a point, but to break through that barrier would do anybody with SA a lot of good.

[W!llow]

Do you feel when you've tried to show your own opinion it's been argued or talked over? I just wonder why you feel you have to have the same like of a film or game. I know some people can be very defensive over film, music tastes etc so maybe that has put you off being honest. Some people also seem to think it is a make or break thing for being a friend, which I find quite strange, wanting someone to have exactly the same opinions. Though I do feel mutual respect for each others individuality is important. One thing that irritates me (yes only one..) is when someone can't accept you have a different view and insists on going on and on trying to persuade you to think the way they do. (not talking bigger moral issues just the minor stuff the things that make us, us, and not them)

[Pandapop]

I can't stand people like that tbh LOL.

I had a lot of it when I was on dating sites because some guys think if they agree with everything you say its SCORE. But even if they hadnt even seen things they'd agree and google. Like I mention my love for JGL and there like yeah hes so amazing, so I'm like wow what films :O and its like a 10 minute reply while googling. I find it so strange .

But yeah I can't stand people like that, would rather they had an actual opinion on films/music/tv etc than just agree with everything as I love to have a light debate about things I love.

[Pandapop]

Originally Posted by mark101

Who is JGL?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt :P

It's just normally I put on dating profiles that I'm a massive film fanatic so would get so many of these types of people agreeing all the time

[Only_human]

No I couldn't do that but I know many people that do the same thing as you, including one of my closest friends. She has a tendency to agree with everything or pretend to like similar things when it's obvious she doesn't but I find it kind of endearing rather then irritating. I think I can soften my views though when people are opening up to me about their past and if something crops up I don't believe in/agree with, I will try to not let it be obvious so that they don't then feel hesitant to then not tell me certain stuff, and I guess that is pretending to a degree.

Sometimes, I think i'd rather have the ability to just pretend to like something as often it will lead to heated discussions as to why I don't agree. I often don't have valid reasons behind not liking something lol I just don't like it and that's that but friend's sometimes can't except this until it ends up we're both personally arguing with each other over nothing!

[custom_fusion-lqx]

ok ill be real


i cant stand Joseph wahatever his name is, hes always grinning like a ejjit and he reminds me of jake gynehall who i despise and his sister maggie who is even worse.

[Pandapop]

Weird to not like someone for there looks. Maybe watch one of his depressing films where hes not 'grinning like an ejjit' and you'd see what an amazing actor he is .

Looks nothing like sexy Jakey either, JGL looks more like Heath Ledger LOL.

[zxcvbn21]

Originally Posted by WickedCool

I tend to always agree with people in real life and you know pretend i like something to please the other person (when deep down im very cynical and critise everything)

I can emphasise quite a bit with you here Wickedcool. I always used to do this, I was so afraid that if I didn't agree with that person's point of view they would dislike me, where in fact rationally it is quite the opposite as you can see by other people's opinions. As you said, rationally you are quite cynical and critical but the anxiety causes you to agree with everything, I was the same, I used to think 'oh if i don't agree with that person then they will dislike me, and that will be the end of the world'.

I rarely do this now, although sometimes i do relapse into it and it tends to be when I am in groups and someone tells a joke, that I do not find funny in the slightest, but feel I have to laugh or the person telling the joke will take a disliking to me.

It makes you come across as fake and people do loose respect for you, but just remember when you do this your not doing it because you are any of those things, the anxiety is hiding the true you, you real personality and character from coming out.

[custom_fusion-lqx]

Originally Posted by Pandapop

Weird to not like someone for there looks. Maybe watch one of his depressing films where hes not 'grinning like an ejjit' and you'd see what an amazing actor he is .

Looks nothing like sexy Jakey either, JGL looks more like Heath Ledger LOL.

EGhhhhhhhhhhhh but i like heath ledger


hes in the new batman so well see if i like him or not

[custom_fusion-lqx]

one of the worst things i find is watching comedies with other people and everyone laughing uncontrollably, i guess i lack that emotion as i only rarely laugh when i find something really funny so i sit there on standby ready to fake laugh when everyone else starts laughing