Hello Everyone
Hi, newbie here. Here's a little about myself:
I've always been somewhat reserved, introverted and subject to bouts of depression, but there was a time when I could get by in social situations and actually enjoy them. That all changed five years ago when I was made redundant from work. What little self-confidence I had evaporated and interacting in a social setting with any more than about two others became increasingly intolerable. It's got to the stage now that I decline any invitations to such things - preferring one-on-one interactions. On the very rare occasions that I attend larger gatherings (weddings, birthdays, etc.), I make an excuse to leave early - sometimes after less than an hour. My reaction to redundancy also destroyed the relationship with my then girlfriend. We split up about a year later due to me not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. I actually started to resent seeing her when I just wanted to be on my own.
I'm now back in full-time employment after working on a freelance/contract basis, however I find that my reclusiveness has become so ingrained that I can't shake it off. I keep dwelling on the last few group meetings I've attended where I've left early and this makes me reluctant to repeat the experience.
What is it that freaks me out about larger groups? I think it's that I don't really do anything interesting (I lost interest in pretty much everything following my redundancy) so have nothing to contribute. While everyone else is chatting their hearts out, I just sit there feeling increasingly isolated until it reaches breaking point and I have to get away. Oddly, I'm OK in a similar work situation where my role is clearly defined. It's the randomness of social activities that I have a problem with.
I'm not sure what I hope to get out of this forum. Perhaps just interacting with people who have some idea of what I'm going through and reading of their experiences and successes will help.
Captain Crunch
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9th October 2017, 18:46
