Advice

Courage · #1 29th November 2018, 16:52

Hi, I'm new to this so bear with me. Here goes with some backstory, I am currently a third year student and well, I haven't been attending any classes. When I missed the first week of teaching, I thought 'ah it's fine' but after the second and third. It got to the point where I feared judgement for just turning up when I wasn't present the first couple of weeks.

I live in student accommodation and my SA doesn't help when I have to go food shopping either. I also fear people, even though I shouldn't, I can't help but think people judge me. Especially since I suffer from hyperhidrosis(excessive sweating) and having SA doesn't help that either...

Basically, I just need some advice on how to overcome the fear of judgement. Even if it's little steps... I need to be able to not let fear take over. It won't work well in the work environment as they aren't as lenient like at uni.... also if there is anyone going through this or has gone through it. What has or is helping you to cope?

Thanks for you time, I do appreciate it

Utopia · #2 29th November 2018, 17:03

Hi, I think it helps to simply care less and just trying to be at peace with the fact that you might be different or whatever is your personal causes for the difficulties. University isn't the right option for everyone, it turned out to be great for me given my very rational and curious personality, and the fact is it leads to improved prospects and opportunities but not if you don't attend lectures or are not performing well.

You can never predict every possible situation, there is an art to dealing with new situations. In order to learn it requires making mistakes or looking like an idiot, the key is to learn from mistakes and improve for the next time.

Has your anxiety improved or got worse during your time there?

Courage · #3 29th November 2018, 17:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Utopia

Hi, I think it helps to simply care less and just trying to be at peace with the fact that you might be different or whatever is your personal causes for the difficulties. University isn't the right option for everyone, it turned out to be great for me given my very rational and curious personality, and the fact is it leads to improved prospects and opportunities but not if you don't attend lectures or are not performing well.

You can never predict every possible situation, there is an art to dealing with new situations. In order to learn it requires making mistakes or looking like an idiot, the key is to learn from mistakes and improve for the next time.

Has your anxiety improved or got worse during your time there?

My anxiety has gotten worse tbh. You're right I should care less of the judgement I would receive. I think I stuck with uni because I had nothing else going for me. All I'm thinking is to get a degree and move on with my life. The damage has been done and so I just have to move forth....

Aelwyn · #4 29th November 2018, 18:29

Hi Courage, does your university have a counselling service? If so I think you should see someone there as soon as possible, to make it clear to them why you're missing lectures. Or maybe you have a personal tutor you could talk to. They would be able to signpost you towards sources of help, and if you have to drop out for a while you would have a much better chance of returning.

Courage · #5 4th December 2018, 15:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aelwyn

Hi Courage, does your university have a counselling service? If so I think you should see someone there as soon as possible, to make it clear to them why you're missing lectures. Or maybe you have a personal tutor you could talk to. They would be able to signpost you towards sources of help, and if you have to drop out for a while you would have a much better chance of returning.

Yeah it does and I've got an appointment with them, and planning to speak with my PAT on Thursday. As much as I'd like to drop out, I couldn't afford to and not to mention, the fear that I may not return after.

It's weird you know, I chose to do a year abroad last year and everything went so smoothly (had a support system) but back in the UK, it's soo isolating or just the place I've put myself..

Courage · #6 4th December 2018, 15:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Change

Yes I've been through this. My third year at Uni was the start of my downfall of giving up. Up until then I persevered and tried lots of things. In the third year I skipped lots of lectures. I still did OK, coming out with a 2:1 but the reasons why I skipped them because of SA was the damaging problem.

I understand the snowball effect, as you isolate yourself away from the degree and you feel judged or you think you stand out like a sore thumb when you turn up having been absent for a while. People can start asking questions. This is the exact opposite of what an SA sufferer would want so we can't win in this situation.

For me, this avoidance did follow on to my work life and after a couple of failed attempts at holding down jobs I became a freelancer and worked for myself from home.

My advice - please don't give in and act now. Little steps as you suggest can make the world of difference and I'd recommend the following:

- Go to a lecture next week. Which ever one that's easiest for you. Sit at the back. Go in 20 minutes from the end or leave 20 minutes from the beginning. Do whatever you need to make it as comfortable and bearable as possible. But please go to one.

- Try to make a conscious and sustained effort to increase your confidence. Is there anything in your life that you love and makes you happy, which is also at least somewhat social? A sport, playing an instrument, concerts, helping at a homeless shelter? What ever it is, do it. And do more of it.

This is the time to bring yourself into the world instead of avoiding it and isolating yourself. And the easiest way to do that is to do the things you are already confident at and makes you happy. This is the time to start being selfish and to look after yourself. Start making yourself happy.

I realise this will not be for everyone. Some people may not have anything in their life that is social but I can only advise based on my own experience. If, back then, someone supported and encouraged me to do the things I love it may have helped and stopped me falling into isolation and depression. Work on other parts of yourself that you still have the strength for first and now, and you might be surprised the clarity and strength this gives you to battle the other areas of your life that you're struggling with.

You are a beacon of hope for me! I realised if I work hard to achieve something and get a degree then I can finally take control and get a fresh start (silly to say but I feel this way at the moment). I will consciously take action and make the effort to go in. The fear of judgment is in my head and even if people do judge me for my absenses then so be it. I dug this hole after all.

At the moment, what makes me the happiest is my art, it's not exactly social but I do share it. Gaming is something I do enjoy and that involves talking with other players.

You are soo right though, I should be more selfish and do what makes me happy, sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Kipper · #7 4th December 2018, 16:09

Greetings Courage, Know exactly what you mean as I pass through this everyday. Total complete and utter acceptance of the way you feel and of the frightening thoughts is the way forward. I recommend you search under 'Claire Weekes' on YouTube and look at a brilliant piece of work that you will find at http// nothing works.weebly.com.The latter is very lengthy but us well worth reading. Good luck and remember there are many of us who know exactly how you feel.