Eyes on me all the time

Lost701 · #1 21st April 2013, 00:34

Does anyone else get this?

Feel like eyes are on me all the time out the corner of my eye staring and judging me. Thinking thoughts good or bad whatever it may be all I think is they are focused on me like I'm in a goldfish bowl all the time.

I'm self conscious ALL the time and worry how I'm coming across and how I look etc.

I think a lot of it stems with being bullied in the past and also a member of my family always comments on how I speak/act/behave all the time even if I sneeze!

Can anyone relate?

And can anyone offer any advice how to get over this ?

Lord Lucan · #2 21st April 2013, 00:56

I used to be really bad for this. Not sure how I managed to improve it, I think it just happened naturally as my confidence grew a bit. People are more interested in themselves than you. And even if someone is looking at you, so what? They're no better than you are.

Clockface · #3 21st April 2013, 00:58

Hi Lost. Yes I can relate. When I am at work or out and about in public I feel like everyone is staring at me as if I am some kind of weirdo, as well as laughing or stifling laughs. I was bullied greatly at school so I grew up with a very low opinion of myself and so feeling like the centre of attention for the wrong reasons is a classic symptom.

The only advice I can really offer is to try and focus on the things you enjoy and which relax you, as this might help you to forget about people seemingly looking at you (in your mind anyway). Listen to music when you're out and about, read a book on public transport or in the park. I have tried this before and it worked temporarily but it's still hard not to feel paranoid.

Hope you start feeling better soon

Jam · #4 21st April 2013, 01:02

I absolutely relate to this. I feel like this all the time, but especially when I'm on the tube. It's a small confined space with loads of people and I feel like there's a spotlight on me. It even makes me conscious about the way I stand or sit on the tube.

Between The Bars · #5 21st April 2013, 01:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost701

Can anyone relate?

And can anyone offer any advice how to get over this ?

I look at the ground with an mp3 playing very loud.
keep your posture straight though.

Amelia Rosae · #6 21st April 2013, 04:16

I used to be really bad like this as well. I think the nicer clothes I started to wear brought me out of it a lot though, it doesn't bother me now since I tend to dress really well so that look good feel good thing applies. Don't think I could go out anywhere looking rough though.

MissE7000 · #7 21st April 2013, 08:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost701

Does anyone else get this?

Feel like eyes are on me all the time out the corner of my eye staring and judging me. Thinking thoughts good or bad whatever it may be all I think is they are focused on me like I'm in a goldfish bowl all the time.

I'm self conscious ALL the time and worry how I'm coming across and how I look etc.

I think a lot of it stems with being bullied in the past and also a member of my family always comments on how I speak/act/behave all the time even if I sneeze!

Can anyone relate?

And can anyone offer any advice how to get over this ?

Hi there, yes I can defo relate to this. What I do to deal with it is look at them back and smile - if they smile back, then that's great, if they don't, then they have a problem and you don't. Also, just think about when you ever look at other people, what are you thinking? When I ask myself this question the answer is usually nothing. I just happened to be looking that way or someone moved in a room full of still people and caught my eye. Granted, there are some people who may judge, but they don't deserve any of your time, so don't even think about people like that.

Keep smiling

Emma x

UltimateWorrier · #8 21st April 2013, 17:26

Hi there,

Yeah I don't get this so much but I did have it today at the supermarket. It's been really busy lately and when you're trying to dodge past lots of people with trolleys and kids it can be hard to not think you're the centre of attention. Nice deep breaths can help calm me down when I feel paranoid, or just thinking about what else I need to do that day.

As other posters have already mentioned, try not to care what others think of you. There isn't a single person who is friends with everyone.

MissE7000 · #9 21st April 2013, 18:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lone Dog

I understand this 100%. As soon as I walk through my front door into the outside world it feels like the surveillance begins. People are watching and listening, and when you feel that is going on you can't do anything out there. You just want to get back into hiding.

Advice about looking at people as you pass isn't helpful, you're inviting them to single you out. You're inviting them to do what you don't want, and interact with you. In some areas you'd get a fight out of it. And smile at them? I don't smile. How can you with this level of anxiety?

Are we fearing their judgement, or are we judging ourselves and thinking bad of ourselves and projecting it on others as if they are doing the judging? I don't know.

You may think that not looking at people may help - and maybe it will in the short term, but we can't go around looking at the ground forever. We have to try and overcome our anxiety, we must not let it rule us. The more we avoid the things we hate, the more we retreat inside ourselves, and that is not what we want. The thing is, as much as you think you are on CCTV, that is not the world. Anxiety makes us think things that aren't always true or are exaggerated. In reality, barely anyone cares about you - no offense, but it's true. Humans just get on with their day and may give you a side wards glance or whatever.

Just trying to help. I know that we aren't meant to avoid the things we are afraid of, even though it terrifies me too. We cannot continue to live in fear of judgement and must try not let it rule our lives. We've all got to be strong

Good luck everyone. x

soshy · #10 21st April 2013, 18:28

Yeah get this all the time. It was one of the hardest things I had to deal with in the Navy. Lining up for inspection. The officer would do a walk past everyone and as he got closer to me I felt more and more nervous and I knew I was spotless. Everything in place, you could see your face in the my boots etc but when the officer finally got to me I was a wreck. Salute and try and hold eye contact an absolute killer. Sometimes the officer randomly picks someone out to have a few words with and once it was me. My god I never felt so much pressure and couldn't handle the spotlight on me. I still don't even know what he said to me I just chucked and said "yes sir" and put my head down and thankfully he moved on. I hated how these frequent musters never seemed to bother anyone else. Just me.

The same goes for pubs as well. Feel like everyone is watching. Especially if its 1 of them quiet pubs where everyone knows each other. I have never understood why people say "oh that is a good bar" they all just seem the same to me. I guess they must be referring to the clientele which is why I don't understand why its a good bar as I don't involve myself.

Fizzbomb · #11 21st April 2013, 19:26

I still feel like this sometimes. I have grown in confidence over the years and I think people pick up on that and don't watch/criticise me so much. There are a few incidents from my younger days that I really don't think I imagined. I remember going into a bakery which was packed out with people. I got to the counter and ordered a pasty and cake. I had my handbag, an umbrella and a couple of other bags and dropped some of it on the floor as I reached out for the pasty and cake. An old man said, "Oops" and stared hard at me. Everyone stared really hard as I tried to pick everything up whilst taking my order and paying. It was really humiliating. Another time I was eating a sandwich in public. When I finished a middle aged man came up to me and said, "I really enjoyed watching you eat that". I felt mortified that he had been watching me all that time as I ate and then felt the need to come over and comment. I have felt self-conscious about eating in public ever since. However these days no-one seems to come up to me and comment about the way I do things. I guess they can tell somehow that if they did I would have a go back at them and not take the sh**.

buttonlane · #12 21st April 2013, 19:46

Yeah I get that alot, Im not comfortable with it.

If Im down at the gym I always catch dudes looking at me, weighin me up, its weird. It makes me feel abit paranoid. wtf are you stairing at. Ffs. I dont get it. Or I can see them looking at me in my peripheral vision and there head will follow me as I walk past.

I sometimes have to check that someone hasnt stuck a dildo on my head unbeknownst to me.

trackred12 · #13 21st April 2013, 19:49

I can definitely relate to this, the absolute worst is when i'm walking down the street when there are other pedestrians or cars. I don't really feel it indoors, but outdoors sets me off.

soshy · #14 21st April 2013, 20:12

Don't you think that people's comments make it even worse? I.e "smile it might never happen". That is one that I find really offensive. Im not entirely sure if it meant in jest or intent. It leaves an imprint on me that I must have a face like an arse and everyone must share that view and that fuels the anxiety.

Fizzbomb · #15 21st April 2013, 20:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by soshy

Don't you think that people's comments make it even worse? I.e "smile it might never happen". That is one that I find really offensive. Im not entirely sure if it meant in jest or intent. It leaves an imprint on me that I must have a face like an arse and everyone must share that view and that fuels the anxiety.

Yes that particular comment is so irritating and upsetting. I always feel like punching people who say that to me. Someone said it to me once literally seconds after I was rung up and told my uncle had died.

Lost701 · #16 21st April 2013, 23:14

I hate it. Sometimes I try to block it out but it's so hard.

And I agree I HATE when people say "smile it might never happen." It's like get out my business. It makes me so self concious

MissE7000 · #17 22nd April 2013, 10:45

So does everyone know the exact reason why they hate people staring? You see for me it is the way I look. I hate the way I look. Is this the same for everyone, or is it other things?

Em x

soshy · #18 22nd April 2013, 10:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissE7000

So does everyone know the exact reason why they hate people staring? You see for me it is the way I look. I hate the way I look. Is this the same for everyone, or is it other things?

Em x

Yep. The way I look or at least the way I think I look. I have a real issue with eye contact. If someone looks directly at me it's like electricity running through me and I have to look away instantly. I think it's fear that we are communicating and I don't know how to respond. Eye contact is the worst part of my SA.

Ermm... Yeh? · #19 22nd April 2013, 14:19

^^ How I look, how I walk (I always think I walk really weird for some reason), what I'm looking at (I dart my eyes to make it look like I'm looking for something, or just look at the ground), how often I'm breathing/how I am I think I look weird, what my hands are doing etc. so yeh basically my 'self-image'.

Legs11 · #20 22nd April 2013, 14:31

I'm paranoid about the way I walk,hands shake,eyes dart everywhere,the way I smile/laugh,always cover my mouth when I laugh,face blushing,breathing,can't sit still

socialreject- · #21 22nd April 2013, 17:59

I hate having attention directed at me, e.g. when my university lecturer asks me a question my heart rate rapidly increases, face nearly turns to a dark shade of purple, mind goes completely blank, so much so that I usually forget what the question was.

MissE7000 · #22 22nd April 2013, 18:24

This sucks doesn't it? It's nice to know other people have the same crap (not nice but you know what I mean). I feel your pain people. Was talking to my counsellor today and just had to cover my face with my hair as I went tomato red because she was looking at me for too long. Damn stupid anxiety.

Fizzbomb · #23 22nd April 2013, 18:30

I don't like people staring at me because I am sure they are thinking I am weird and strange or they find me amusing because they think I am a big joke and not normal.

clyde33 · #24 30th May 2013, 10:33

I usually walk outside with my head down and iPod on. Whenever i glance up i see people looking at me, so this makes me think that everyone must be staring at me because they think i'm a weirdo. I don't act or dress differently or have two heads or anything like that, but people just look at me. It's not in my imagination as like i said, whenever i look up the person coming towards me is looking at me and our eyes meet.