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#1
2nd April 2013, 19:29
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It's all getting too much I want to die
Everything feels on top of me I can't cope anymore I feel so alone.
I suffer from self image problems and today was looking at my face close up in the bright daylight I felt like crying seeing this ugly face staring back at me with my skin looking so horrible. I was ok for nearly a year on 20mg of citalopram and that boosted me. All my image problems went away. Now the pills have settled into my system it's all coming back , the depression, anxiety. I was sitting on my bed and my breathing got really quick all anxious feeling like I can't go on anymore. I had a dream in the dream I met this good looking guy and had mutual attraction but when I woke up I realised this will never happen because I have such problems with self acceptance. I have been in therapy for over a year and still struggling with SA. I can never be my true self with anyone and even more so with men. I think I might deal with my image problems better if I had a boyfriend that filled my confidence but I haven the confidence to get out there and meet people. Even though people say I am good looking I can't believe this I have so many issues depression SA anxiety it's all too much I can't see anything to live for anymore things are just getting worse and worse. I try to be strong I used to be strong but then I get these awful times when I wan to die and I think this is the best option. The other alternative is get to 10 years later and I'm even worse looks wise and mental wise. Yet even worse as full of regrets as I could never go for what I want in life. Someone help me I can't do this anymore crying right how thinking its best if I die 
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#2
2nd April 2013, 19:45
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Re: It's all getting too much I want to die
The dead know only one thing ... it is better to be alive!
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#3
2nd April 2013, 20:16
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Re: It's all getting too much I want to die
Quote:
I would also encourage you not to give up. Recognise that you are in a bad place mentally and emotionally at this point in time, but that can change. You obviously would prefer help than give up or else you wouldn't have posted this. Try do something nice for yourself to get you through the night (nice music or bubble bath etc) and then contact your GP / psychiatrist in the morning and ask for an emergency appointment. 
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#4
2nd April 2013, 20:57
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Re: It's all getting too much I want to die
I'm really not good at helping with suicidal thoughts but here goes:
- You mention that drugs worked, which means that drugs can work again (as stated by the above poster). - You mention that 10 years down the line you'd look worse, feel worse etc. and have more regrets. You forgot one thing, it's not you 'will' it's you 'might'. I can't say that you'd feel better if you wait ten years, I can't say waiting 10 years is the better option, but I can point out the irony in treating death as a relief, you need to be alive to feel relief, so the benefits of it are arguably negligable. It all depends on how you view the situation and Depression is said to alter your thinking patterns. - You also say you can't see anything to live for. I know that each day's a battle that you might not win, but it's better to aim for victory and lose than to accept defeat? You mention that you'd feel happier in a relationship so set that as a goal. Spend a little bit of time each day thinking through how you might get closer to that goal. It isn't easy, but by closing the distance to the target you'd at least have a greater chance of just happening upon a relationship. - Obviously your therapist would know best, and I probably know nothing, but if your self image problems fluctuate, as does every other problem like SA Depression etc etc then it might be helpful to take steps to remind you of how non-permanent these negative feelings are. For example, take one single photo of yourself or find a 'good' one, I know from my own self-image they're so few and far between but do it. Get a journal or book, and every day/week/whatever look at it and describe yourself. Then compare your thoughts of the exact same image on a good day and a bad day to show that things can get better. Take care. <(^_^)>
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#5
2nd April 2013, 21:43
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Re: It's all getting too much I want to die
I know I have on several occasions felt like that, and many of those on this website have at one time or another. Things will get better. We all need help from time to time, so if you want to chat, I am always here.
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#6
2nd April 2013, 22:51
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Re: It's all getting too much I want to die
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Guaranteed. PM me if you don't believe me. 
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#8
3rd April 2013, 13:51
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Re: It's all getting too much I want to die
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I think its one of the most horrible feelings when u wake up and feel as if u wish u didn't. Theres not been a single day that has gone by where i don't think about dying. Unfortunately social anxiety perpuates this because its not like u can just get away from ur negative mindset, theres nothing to distract you. i feel ur pain. seems like u need someone too talk too. i wud advise seeing ur gp/psychotherapist asap. i know at times it can feel like u are trapped in a bottemless pit but i hope ur able to find a way out. gd luck, hope u feel better son. keep on trooping on.
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#10
4th April 2013, 21:11
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Re: It's all getting too much I want to die
there is a good book by Katie piper called Things get better. she had her faced destroyed in an acid attack and she felt suicidal afterwards. the book describes how she took one day at a time and slowly got better, taking pleasure in simple things like being in nature etc
not sure if you will find it helpful, but i read it and found it quite inspirational
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