Anxiety or Avoidance? Your thoughts please

[Mark_One]

Hi all.

Just wondering what everyone on here would class the list below as, whether signs of anxiety or avoidance and how bad they actually are:

1. When supermarket shopping, looking right down each aisle first to see if there is anyone there who knows me. If so, then I dont go down the aisle.

2. At work, making sure no-one is looking when I roll my sleeves back down (i wear long sleeve shirts) or roll them back up.

3. At work again, if I make a drink in the kitchen I dread anyone seeing me so I have to engage in conversation. Or also at work, having to ask anybody anything. Even though I tend to get on with everyone there.

4. Not asking for help/advice in shops.

5. Putting off making most telephone calls at home that arent to people I already know. E.g ringing up to make an appointment.

6. Buying things online so I dont have to ring up in person. No person-person contact buying online!

7. At the cinema, prefer to go to screenings where there are as few people in the cinema as possible.

8. Not hanging washing outside or work in the garden unless I really have to, so no-one will see me and engage in conversation.

9. When I book a holiday from work, not telling anyone where Im going on holiday to unless they really really ask.

10. Get very nervous feelings if people who I dont know, start making conversation with me.

Well, thats 10 points so far. Im sure I can think of more but I would really appreciate people's thoughts and replies on the above.

Many thanks in advance!

Mark.

[Ben]

Definately SA, point 3 in particular for me, when I was employed, I never ever went in to the staff cafe. I started cacking myself october time every year, when everyone started asking whether I was going to the staff xmas party. I had anxiety about something 8 weeks in advance!!

Definitely number one. Although, I don't actively look around the supermarket in case there's someone who knows me, but if I do see anyone I will definitely try to avoid them.

Others that apply to me are:

#4
#5
#7 Always sit right at the back of the cinema too.
#10

[Mark_One]

Thanks Ben and Intro Guy for your replies.

I havent been to the xmas dinner/disco at work either for about 5 years now at least! Also, I sit as near to the back of the cinema as I can.

Mark.

[chaddy]

Hi Mark... sounds familiar to me. Your 10 circumstances... this is how they deal with me:

1. No, nobody knows me so it isn't an issue, but I hate crowded supermarkets and for some reason feel much more comfortable shopping in supermarkets further away from home, even though I have exactly the same chance of running into someone I know: no chance at all!
2. Oh yes, any adjustment of clothing should NEVER be witnessed unless it's a casual move and you're doing something else alongside it, like talking to someone or flexing your paperclips.
3. Yep, the terror of making a cuppa in the communal kitchen... you shred your nerves to stay hydrated.
4. Asking for help? Let me out! I loathe being asked if I need help, never mind having to look for it.
5. Totally. Telephone calls are a last-resort-and-the-world-is-going-to-end-if-I-don't phenomenom.
6. It's good isn't it?
7. With the sort of films I love, it's almost guaranteed that there will be plenty of empty seats.
8. Yep... neighbour avoidance and wet laundry is a problem here too.
9. I'm self employed and there's nobody, thankfully, that really really asks.
10. I freak out inside and out and they soon stop talking to me and I feel lousy.

[Rosie]

It's a mixture of both. They go hand in hand. If you're anxious of something, you don't want to do it..so you avoid it.

[Median]

i think its both, and all of them people here can relate to in some shape or form.

im very familar with the not telling people what im doing unless they ask, and telephones lol.

[Kath]

Hi there, Point 2 is interesting,I dont understand why rolling your sleeves up is a problem for you could you explain please? I have had problems with some of your points but by re-doing them over and over I have developed coping strategies to ease the anxiety for example in the supermarket I dont look at anyone anymore, I concentrate on my shopping and If someone does say hello I just say Hi, smile and carry on shopping - you dont HAVE to engage in conversation, it seems to me a lot of people on here put a lot of pressure on themselves to speak when actually if you just let yourself off and say to yourself its ok not to speak - im here to do my shopping not to socialise it really does help.

[Four Star]

Originally Posted by Kath

Hi there, Point 2 is interesting,I dont understand why rolling your sleeves up is a problem for you could you explain please?

Eveyone has their individual quirks regarding specific behaviours they find embarassing. Basically anything which might draw attention to you could become the subject of avoidance behaviour, no matter how casual it may seem to others. With me, I find drinking in quiet rooms awkward, as I worry about my swallowing being overly loud and thus drawing attention to myself.

[Mark_One]

Originally Posted by chaddy

Hi Mark... sounds familiar to me. Your 10 circumstances... this is how they deal with me:

1. No, nobody knows me so it isn't an issue, but I hate crowded supermarkets and for some reason feel much more comfortable shopping in supermarkets further away from home, even though I have exactly the same chance of running into someone I know: no chance at all!
2. Oh yes, any adjustment of clothing should NEVER be witnessed unless it's a casual move and you're doing something else alongside it, like talking to someone or flexing your paperclips.
3. Yep, the terror of making a cuppa in the communal kitchen... you shred your nerves to stay hydrated.
4. Asking for help? Let me out! I loathe being asked if I need help, never mind having to look for it.
5. Totally. Telephone calls are a last-resort-and-the-world-is-going-to-end-if-I-don't phenomenom.
6. It's good isn't it?
7. With the sort of films I love, it's almost guaranteed that there will be plenty of empty seats.
8. Yep... neighbour avoidance and wet laundry is a problem here too.
9. I'm self employed and there's nobody, thankfully, that really really asks.
10. I freak out inside and out and they soon stop talking to me and I feel lousy.

Chaddy, crikey so there is someone who is so similar to me!

Seriously though, your reply is reassuring reading.

Mark.

[Mark_One]

Originally Posted by Four Star

Eveyone has their individual quirks regarding specific behaviours they find embarassing. Basically anything which might draw attention to you could become the subject of avoidance behaviour, no matter how casual it may seem to others. With me, I find drinking in quiet rooms awkward, as I worry about my swallowing being overly loud and thus drawing attention to myself.

Hi Four Star.

I agree with you there - thats exactly how I see it with the shirt sleeves topic. Just something that Im not keen on people seeing me doing.

Interesting point you have about drinking in quiet rooms. Until you mentioned it, Id not realised that I am quite often concious of the sound level of my gulps.

Mark.

[Catakin]

I was doing some shopping the other night and saw someone i knew but didnt want to talk to for fear of going bright red... so i lingered in the veg section for ages until i knew he'd be further down the supermarket. I envy people who feel comfortable enough to work on the tills, god that would be torture for me.

[david mckenna]

Originally Posted by Mark_One

Hi all.

Just wondering what everyone on here would class the list below as, whether signs of anxiety or avoidance and how bad they actually are:

1. When supermarket shopping, looking right down each aisle first to see if there is anyone there who knows me. If so, then I dont go down the aisle.

2. At work, making sure no-one is looking when I roll my sleeves back down (i wear long sleeve shirts) or roll them back up.

3. At work again, if I make a drink in the kitchen I dread anyone seeing me so I have to engage in conversation. Or also at work, having to ask anybody anything. Even though I tend to get on with everyone there.

4. Not asking for help/advice in shops.

5. Putting off making most telephone calls at home that arent to people I already know. E.g ringing up to make an appointment.

6. Buying things online so I dont have to ring up in person. No person-person contact buying online!

7. At the cinema, prefer to go to screenings where there are as few people in the cinema as possible.

8. Not hanging washing outside or work in the garden unless I really have to, so no-one will see me and engage in conversation.

9. When I book a holiday from work, not telling anyone where Im going on holiday to unless they really really ask.

10. Get very nervous feelings if people who I dont know, start making conversation with me.

Well, thats 10 points so far. Im sure I can think of more but I would really appreciate people's thoughts and replies on the above.

Many thanks in advance!

Mark.

avoiadance is: not doing something because doing so would make you anxious.

you aviod a lot of things because if u did those things they wud make u feel anxious.

the stuff on ur list is very common for lots of SA sufferers. i dont know if uve heard if safety behaviours but that is what all the stuff on ur list is classed as.

great book to explain all this to u is :

overcoming social anxiety and shyness by gillian butler

[Mark_One]

I bought the Gillian Butler book a couple of years ago.
Ive read it a few times and can sort of see how it works but doesnt seem to work for me.

Mark.

[goodeone]

1 rarely see anyone i know at the same supermarket as me
2+3 do not apply i do not work
4 varies sometimes i can and sometimes i cant
5 is the other way round for me i can phone strangers but not people i know
6 I just find this easier sometimes
7 same
8 same
9 does not apply
10 varies